In his 1996 bestseller The Dark Side of the Game, former Falcons defensive end Tim Green touches on a variety of topics regarding life in the NFL.
One of the essay-length chapters is devoted to the fact that pro football players, despite conventional wisdom to the contrary, don’t wear protective cups.
The reason? It keeps a guy from moving as quickly as he otherwise can. (Except, of course, after getting his manhood twisted like a bottle cap at the bottom of a pile.)
So in the spirit of not being slowed down, players might want to ditch the jock straps, too. Because, as Eagles running back Brian Westbrook learned on Sunday, the “strap” part of the device can impede downfield progress.
Specifically, Ravens linebacker Antwan Barnes used Westbrook’s strap to bring the tailback down behind the line of scrimmage.
“I think it’s a testament to the resiliency of some of the football equipment that they’re putting out now,” Baltimore coach John Harbaugh said.
The good news for Westbrook, as Taco Bill points out, is that the incident has put him in line for a new endorsement opportunity.
Finally, if pulling a guy down from the back of the jersey is called a “horse collar tackle,” what label should be used for yanking a player to the ground via the strap of his jock?
We open the floor to PFT Planet for suggestions.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST WEAR COMPRESSION SHORTS
Posted by Mike Florio on November 24, 2008, 10:31 PM EST
57 Responses to “MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST WEAR COMPRESSION SHORTS”
The florio tackle of course
Smashing
Westbrook was snake-lassoed.
How come no comments on tonight shootout….. Its a wild one ..no?
Taken down by his anteater reigns.
How about calling it the Bag Drag?
testicular tackle
ball sack
squeel like a pig tackle
strap rash take down
Crotch/crapper tackle?
The Coach Haymen Rule
I guess these guys don’t have the package I do, cuz I sure as hell needed one!
Bag Drag wins my vote.
I think either a banana hammock dragdown, or an open field nutter. Or maybe a reverse wedgie tackle.
Florio, you’ve hit bottom.
I’m not sure if this one is taken, but how about a Sack?
If you’re Mike Vick is just another day in the yard…
Mick says:
November 24th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
How come no comments on tonight shootout….. Its a wild one ..no?
Hes not afootball fan … therefore hes not watching!
Groin Pull?
I think it should be named after the inventor, Al DePantzeu.
He took him down with a jock-lock, obviously.
Let me tell you how dumb athletes are, including me in my hayday.
I coach lacrosse. The ball is as big as a baseball, but heavier. Defensive players in particular are subject to 90+ MPH balls hurling at their balls.
So, I’m not about to nut grab my boys to make sure they have their equipment in place. But I trust they will (even though I didn’t when I played).
One year a D man gets hit square in the nuts with a fast shot. He is a kid that had a scholarship as a football OL. So, he grunts, says he’ll be fine, AND DOES LUNGES TO TRY AND “WALK” it off.
The dude does 5 lunges, bends over, pukes, and says “I need to go to the hospital.”
He lost 1 ball. He’s out for a while, obviously.
Now, you would think that guys would see this and think to themselves “I would like to keep both.” The next game, I jokingly throw a slap check (at his nuts) at one of my D guys during warmup. He cries in pain.
You have to be sh-tting me. I take a poll. Out of 7 D men, 3 are wearing cups and none are starters.
Reading Chris Cooley’s Playbook
It’s a Whore’s Collar tackle
If we were to consult the all wise Emmett Smith, he would probably say that Westbrook was “debacled below the waist”!
A Hormel Chavez.
Dare I say, Horsecockcollar?
Lassoed by the Whale Tail???
Satchel Tackle? or just Sac.
So that’s why they are refered to as ballers……
You could say Barnes got his “Strap On”… Yea you could go a numbers of ways with that figuratively and literally…
Strap-Drag..
Kinda sums up the Eagles season.
rock out with your jock out
I’m not suggesting a name, I’m just telling you how I party.
Jock n’ choad.
Got another….EJOCKULATED
This is my favorite topic yet.
Ok this is it last two…..
“The Jock Knocker” and “The Tugnut”
The Eagles were involved? Name it “The Dirty Sanchez” in honor of their 2008 season, though “The Cleveland Steamer” is quite appropriate if the Browns are playing.
How about the Pickle Twister?
Hey Mr. Mike.
You would obviously have to name that…..
“The Double Barrell Slingshot Tackle”…?
Or if you wish,
“The Classic Florio Double Barrell Slingshot Tackle”….
Hahhahahahhahaa…..
(OK, Shake it off……..)
Flying Wedgie
He definitely got whale-tailed.
I like bag drag…
Its gotta be the Hung Like a Horsecollar
Atomic Tackle!
Not sure what you call the tackle, but Westbrook is a “Crack Back”…as such, they could have “penal-ized” him.
Perhaps this tackle could be known as a “Shrink Wrap”.
I was thinking something like “Pigeon Pulldown” or “Regal Eagle”, but “Trowser Snake Takedown”, “Meat Locker” could work too.
TESTES TWISTER
While neither are as good as the “Bag Drag,” I humbly offer these two names:
(1) The “Westy Testes” Takedown
(2) The “Sad Sack”
The Horse Saddle Tackle?
How about the “Ass Collar Tackle”
“let’s play grab-ass”
Phallus fling
Involuntary camel-toe
Riding him bareback
Giving him the Ol’ 36
Jock Stop
The Nutterbutter
horsetail.
How about the wedgie tackle
Perhaps the Commish could get Dan Snyder to kick in for the product placement and refer to the call as:
The Fed-Ex Package Delivery
Not applicable in all situations, but how about this lede:
Defender gets the besty of Westy’s Testes
Cock Corral.
Cock Fighting? Too Vickish?