Lights Out Vs. Ochocinco

In the old days, the best smack talk would occur on Saturday afternoon “studio” wrestling. In segments shot when the three rows of fans weren’t there, the announcer would interview one of the combatants in an upcoming “fight,” and the wrestler would work himself into a crazed frenzy, during which he would vow upon their next encounter to dismember his opponent and insert the limbs into various orifices. (Or something like that.) When finished, the wrestler would storm away furiously, stage right. Then, in the very same take and with a delay of maybe only a second or two, the announcer would turn to the left. And the opponent would be there, offering up the same kind of unrestrained madness that the other guy had been projecting. So it was all phony, but it was damn compelling. Equally compelling is the manner in which modern athletes are using new technologies to engage each other verbally. Most recently, Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco (who pretty much wants to fight anyone and everyone these days) got into a Twitter war with Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. But then it got interesting. Merriman made a video, and he offered the following warning to Chad: “Hey Ochocinco, or whatever the hell you wanna call yourself. You brought me up from my workout, I had to stop working out to come reply. To this. You call me out again, I’m gonna wring your neck. Just like that.” Ochocinco, who always must have the last word, made a video of his own: “I think you have slightly forgotten who you talking to. Slightly disrespectful with that you gonna wring my neck out. . . . I do talk and I also do walk. Don’t let last year fool you, buddy. Everybody must’ve forgot. I really do this. [Antonio] Cromartie, Shaun Phillips, anybody else that want some. I’ll see y’all on December 20. Sunday. Four o’clock. Child please.” You know, once their football careers end, these two should become pro wrestlers.