Last week, we focused on a theory from NFL Network's Jamie Dukes regarding pro athletes who get in trouble.
We disagreed with Dukes' assumption that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell thinks he can create a league in which no player ever runs afoul of the law.
But we fully agree with Dukes' latest take, articulated in the wake of the shooting death of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair.
"When you marry, hanging with the fellas should be way down on the list," Dukes writes.
"A weaning process has to take place whereby you begin gravitating away
from spending time with your buddies and focusing on building a better
relationship at home. . . .
"[T]he 'man' on the inside has to die. That man has to be kept in check.
It has to stay grounded in reality. That man has to be aware of
corrupting influences, which includes frenemies. At some point, that
man has to realize hanging out with his buddies at a strip joint is not
conducive to a positive situation at home."
Amen, Mr. Dukes. Hopefully, more than a few NFL players will heed his words.
Dukes Offers Up The Hard Truth About Marriage In The NFL
Posted by Mike Florio on July 6, 2009 6:00 PM ET
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23 Comments 
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Is Dukes married?
Other than the obvious marital union he has with Doughnuts, French fries and BBQ?
What's the over/under on number arrests between now and when the last camp starts?
And just like that, with the word "frenemies," he lost about 90% of his audience and can be taken 90% less seriously.
I don't always agree with what he says but I tend to agree more often than not. He usually makes good points and will give a good debate. Thank God they cancelled Put Up your Dukes though! Now that show was awful!
Even Gilbert Gottfried wouldn't take marital advice from Jamie Dukes.
what are you talking about Florio? you live in the land of "strip joints'...west 'bygod' virginia. i can cross the border from virginia and be at 20 strip clubs in 30 minutes...(seriously)
Whooooa Florio!!! Are you saying that you expect a bunch of uneducated college grads (by your own admission) to understand and internalize a cogent, well articulated message?
It's a good thing he didn't mention any of those pesky Shakespeare characters like Lear, for example ... They might not have understood the gravity of his words.
Amen? We should be telling these players NOT to get married in the first place ... and NOT to have kids ... yet. You're young, rich, famous ... enjoy yourself. There are decades and decades after retirement to be married and have kids and blah blah blah. What's the rush?
It's not realistic to tell a 20-something millionaire not to hang out with his friends and go party. The problem is getting married before you're ready.
If you know you still look at other women, you shouldn't get married - period.
Marriage only works for a small percentage of the population, and the fact that its become a societal norm goes against logic. The end result is non-religious people getting "married" who have no intentions of honoring the contract.
I wish they'd just call unions between non-Christians something else; something respectable that just wasn't Christian. Then gays wouldn't complain that their unions were exclusionary and people like me wouldn't feel obligated to marry in a church despite not believing.
Unions between non-Christians could even tweak the rules a bit, which might help with overall divorce rates...
/steps down from soapbox
Don't blame strip clubs... my wife has never had a problem with me telling her "the guys and I are going to the strip club, be back at 3."
Now, if I'd told her I was going to the strip club with the guys and instead wound up shot by the half-my-age tart I'd been plunking, that's another story.
Strip clubs and Waffle House are the same thing... if you leave at 3 in the morning to go home to your wife, you're cool. If you leave at 3 in the morning to bang the help, you're a worthless jackass.
the clown has a point, and not just the one on his conical hat.
Amen, Jamie Dukes. I usually don't agree with what he says, but it seems that we now consider ourselves to live in a society where our word means nothing as soon as it doesn't benefit us, and wedding vows are just a part of that. While Steve McNair certainly didn't deserve to die for his sin, it tarnishes all the good things he did a little bit. I know it's a pipe dream, but I hope that eventually men and women can keep their heads up and not succumb to adultery. Preach on, Jamie.
My god. I can only assume Mr. Dukes and presumably Mr. Florio both lead sad, miserable lives. They only let my people marry in 5 states, but if marriage is about "weaning" yourself off having friends and dying on the inside then I'm sure I don't want anything to do with it. There's any number of straw men in Dukes' article, but the most offensive is, I think, the suggestion that a man's, "desires and wishes," are wholly incompatible with this family's needs. And here I thought the point of marriage was that one's desires was to provide for his family's needs.
I respect Jamie Dukes very much. He tends to be longwinded and a blowhard at times but he is worth listening to.
I completely agree with what he said on this issue.
1 word - compromise. Sheeesh, nothing wrong with going to the stripclub (although I think they're disgusting) as long as you keep your "little man inside"....until you get home and take it out on your wife.
This whole athlete cheating thing came up when Kobe cheated on his wife. Many NBA wives were stating that this comes with the territory - you give up a "normal" monogamous relationship, for financial security and "living the life"....it's a wash. He had 2 son's before his wife (not sure if his current wife is his 3rd babymama)....there's no shock here, she knew what she was signing up for.
Not trying to trash McNair, he didn't deserve to be killed. Great QB.
This is sexist nonsense, spread by people with no knowledge of social norms/institutions and the roles they play in our society. The "natural" male desires he speaks of that must be "killed" are actually just norms that have been reinforced by the society/world in which we live. Men act in this way because patriarchal societies condone it and support it, not because we haven't killed our "inner man".
Dukes offers a very intriguing p.o.v. though, for those of us without a basic understanding of sociology.
yes marriage is about providing for a family.
man + woman + child (ren).
anything other pseudo-marriage needs not be recognized or especially subsidized by god, man or the state.
and if real marriages arent working well for mand and wife... they need to work well enough for the kids.
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one boss i used to have said his wife didnt mind what he went looking at on the menu as long as he came home for dinner.
SirSuperSouthern says:
I wish they'd just call unions between non-Christians something else; something respectable that just wasn't Christian. Then gays wouldn't complain that their unions were exclusionary and people like me wouldn't feel obligated to marry in a church despite not believing.
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Civil unions. They're legal contracts and honored in every state. You can even write your own vows to keep that pesky God fellow out of the picture, if you like.
I agree with Jamie Dukes, though, that if you DO get married you gotta tow the line. Don't wanna tow the line -- don't get married!
interesting story
# SirSuperSouthern says: July 6, 2009 7:22 PM
If you know you still look at other women, you shouldn't get married - period.
Marriage only works for a small percentage of the population, and the fact that its become a societal norm goes against logic. The end result is non-religious people getting "married" who have no intentions of honoring the contract.
I wish they'd just call unions between non-Christians something else; something respectable that just wasn't Christian. Then gays wouldn't complain that their unions were exclusionary and people like me wouldn't feel obligated to marry in a church despite not believing.
Unions between non-Christians could even tweak the rules a bit, which might help with overall divorce rates...
/steps down from soapbox
***************************************
Please do step down from your soapbox (and burn it) SuperSouthern, because you are misguided on this one. Your implication that it's non-Christians alone who miss the the mark on marriage is so far off base that you should not even have a soapbox. The majority of marriages in this country end in divorce but it certainly has nothing to do with with anyone buying into (or not) the doctrine of Christianity.
You bemoan "non-religous" people wedding who have no intention of honoring the marriage contract, but what of those "people of faith" who desecrate the sanctity of marriage by cheating? I can point out countless examples of "good Christians" who fall in that category, while there are many non-religous couples who have strong marriages.
Please take off the blinders, Christian/religous does not equate to good, nor does it equate to bad. It just means that someone believes in a certain religion. Of the very religous people that I know, I can identify both strong principled and those who are quite hypocritical. Belief in religion does not delineate good from bad.
It all depends on which "head" these guys decide to use dictating their lives, like every one else!
And saying that "Marriage only works for a small percentage of the population" is completely wrong.
Since when is 50% a "small percentage"?
and just cause one has "the kavorka" isnt a mandate to use it.
with great power comes great responsibility... i heard that on a cartoon once...