As receiver Plaxico Burress prepares to commence a two-year prison term (barring a pardon), he has hired someone to help him get ready for dodging shivs and keeping a proper grip on the soap.
Lawyer Benjamin Brafman, who continues to bask in the limelight of a case in which he likely charged Burress a ton of money for an outcome that many other legal system slapolas could have achieved at a much lesser cost, says that Burress has hired a consultant to prepare Plax for prison life. (It would be a helluvalot cheaper to buy The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and both versions of The Longest Yard on DVD.)
“We are consulting with an expert in the field who will address and
advise us, Mr. Burress and his family, on what to expect while
incarcerated, and how to use his period of confinement as productively
as possible,” Brafman told the New York Post.
Though the precise location of the facility at which Burress will serve his time isn’t known, the Post reports that he likely will be placed initially in the Downstate Correctional Facility at Fishkill, New York. It’s a maximum-security prison, where he possibly would be held in protective custody, given his profile.
At the Downstate Correctional Facility, Burress would be evaluated for permanent placement.
Given that he’s serving fewer than six years, he likely will land in a medium-security facility.
Still, prison is prison and Burress is heading for a rough couple of years.
On a brighter note, a Super Bowl ring probably can be traded for a whole bunch of smokes.
sixburghdude could coach on how to be a “receiver” during his time.
Oh, darn it ! He should have hired a football coach !
Does a prison coach teach you about NOT dropping soap, etc ?
Best advice for Plaxico (from “Lessons I learned from Whitey Bulger”) is just to close your eyes and pretend you enjoy it. Don’t make a sound and get used to it. Remember something good will come out of this – you’ll never be constipated again for the rest of your life.
If Vick’s experience is any guide, maybe Plax should pre-grease his crack every morning and evening lest he find himself sobbing softly into his dirty prison pillow every night, like Vick. Though I wouldn’t expect Plax to just lay down like Vick has so often in his life.
It’s unfortunate the Mr. Burress, his family, friends, teammates, coaches, agent, lawyer, handlers, etc. failed to put this much planning and thought into living a law-abiding life and getting the most out of his football career.
If he wants to see what it’s like, maybe he should watch all 6 season of OZ.
Florio, the unconstrained glee you display regarding Burress’ incarceration is a little repulsive. Just sayin’.
He’ll be too old to play football. On the bright side, he can be Matt Roth’s groin specialist once he gets out.
Has he hired Vick?
there is a prison in the ny system called little siberia,i don’t know the official name but you get the idea.the mafia wise guys lived in fear of winding up there.i just wonder if that’s where he’ll wind up.brrrrrrr…
For the fee Burress got, Brafman should be in the cell next door…F#%@ING LAWYERS !
What a cruel bunch of bastards some of you are. Plax made a great adjustment on that SB catch and no one can take that away from him. And you can’t take it away from G’s fans either.
What is this guy going to coach him on – how to get ready when Bubba tells him he has a pretty mouth?
Was Tom Cable convicted already?
Is this prison coach “horning in” on Tony Dunheap’s burgeoning NFL Felon’s 2nd chance business?
“What a cruel bunch of bastards some of you are. Plax made a great adjustment on that SB catch and no one can take that away from him.”
He’ll be catching different things in jail.
At least his street cred is way up there.
is the PFT RSS Feed working for everybody else ??
Y’know, maximum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is: kick someone’s ass the first day, or become someone’s bitch. Then everything will be all right.
Let me get this straight ?
These A$$clown athletes can hire someone to teach them how to act in prison ?
Why the hell don’t they hire someone to teach them how to act in public so they don’t end up in prison ?
This just in. Tony Dungy takes another thug under his wing…
Plax should’ve never put himself in that position. All these super rich, famous atheletes wanna act like thugs…. treat em like thugs. To me they are worse than the true thugs from the streets. Guys like Vick, and Plax…. no excuse. They had “made it”. Yet still find the need to pretend to be hardcore…..
Well, I can assure you… Bubba is already trading bags of coffee for some extra rasberry jam, as he probably already thinks Plax has a purty mouth…. hahahahaha…
Maybe they can transfer Travis Henry to Fishkill and start the new “Mean Machine” team.
“…# Fan_Of_ Four says: August 22, 2009 3:18 PM
Let me get this straight ?
These A$$clown athletes can hire someone to teach them how to act in prison ?
Why the hell don’t they hire someone to teach them how to act in public so they don’t end up in prison ?…”
PMSL
Good old Plex is going to be gettting just what he has been giving his team mates and fans
A good old fashion screwing
going to be a whole different kinda catching he is going to be doing and will have no choice but go long
The tone of this article, and that of many of the comments, is, frankly, racist. No one made similar remarks about the threat of personal violence or the risk of sexual degradation when Connecticut Governor John Rowland or even Bernie Madoff hired a prison consultant in order to adjust to life behind bars. Why does Mr. Florio believe that is is wrong (or at least a waste of money) for Mr. Burress to hire such a consultant, when it was not wrong for Gov. Rowland or Mr. Madoff to hire one?
I think the media needs to start calling out Durham County all over again. A nice relection bid by trying to look tough on crime. Call these people out, put pressure on them. As much as I dont like Plax (he’s the silent cancer to TO’s loud cancer) he is being treated like a terroist in NYCs re-election bid.
This is a man’s life were talking about here, and you’re cracking Jokes? (Not to mention very corny jokes, “keeping a proper grip on the soap.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So funny and original….)
Why didn’t Vick go to Fishkill and Plax go to Lev? Seems that they got this backwards. It is the legal system I guess.
Why aren’t the Raiders on Hard Knocks or whatever the hell it’s called?
BigBlueFan you’re some fan.
“Good old Plex is going to be gettting just what he has been giving his team mates and fans”
Last I checked he gave his fans a great year in route to a championship. I see you’re one of those “What have you done for me lately” Giant “fans”. Let’s just forget all of his positive contributions to the team because we no longer need him, right? You’re a real piece of work…
Too bad Plaxico isn’t a Cowboys player. In Texas, he’d not only be free – he’d be given the highest state medal – after all, the guy he shot was black.
“Florio, the unconstrained glee you display regarding Burress’ incarceration is a little repulsive. Just sayin’.”
The events leading up to Burress incarceration kinda excuse any amount of glee.
1. unregistered weapon
2. bullet in chamber
3. safety off
4. tucking it into sweatpants, no holster?
Kinda lucky it just hit his thigh and one day he can watch little Plaxies running around. Thought he’d get one year max, guess not.
Maybe when he gets out he can team up with the NRA and promote gun safety.
“BRYAN_NELMS says:
August 22, 2009 1:08 PM
sixburghdude could coach on how to be a “receiver” during his time.”
BINGO! We have a winner.
“Red was here”
So was Plax.
Did anyone see the movie “Big Stan”? This is basically the same plot…
Too bad David Carradine isn’t still around, he did a great job for Rob Schnieder.
Plot Summary for
Big Stan (2007) More at IMDbPro ยป
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Once upon a time, there lived a tiny, insecure man who learned the only way he could make his enormous ego feel comfortable in his teeny, tiny body was to embarrass, humiliate, and torture others. He thought he was a master of disguise, fooling others into believing he was a big man. Yet he was only fooling himself, and through time his unconscionable behavior repulsed and repelled everyone. If his heart was three or three-hundred sizes too small, it didn’t matter by then because no one was around to even care… Written by George Wilson
The fraudulent real state agent Stan is married with his beloved Mindy and has a seven million dollar fortune. When he is arrested for fraud, he is sentenced to three years in prison and his assets are frozen by the justice. However, his crooked lawyer Lew Popper negotiates a six month freedom, and the weak Stan, who is afraid of being raped in prison, hires the specialist in martial arts The Master to teach him self-defense. Six months later, Big Stan is sent to the Oaksburgh State Penitentiary totally confident in his expertise in martial arts. He challenges the violent leaders of the gangs and defeats them, being respected by the inmates and bringing peace in the patio. However, the dirty Warden Gasque has the intention of transforming the penitentiary in a luxury resort, and uses Big Stan knowledge to improve his project, promising to release him sooner using the corrupt penal system.
Wonder if he can find an instructor to teach him gun safety…ooops too late for that.
Hey at least he’s already going to the pokey as a wide receiver and not a tight end.
Plaxtico the blackman, Plaxtico the blackman, wants to be a tough, punk thug, punk thug, greasey sh*t stain. Well baby you got it now. You deserve what you get in prison. On your knees and take it likes the man you be plax. Just remember it only seems kinky the first time. You’ll beg for it next time. And like it. You have brought shame and disgrace to your name, family, friends, NFL, Giants, people who look up to you, etc. Perhaps your situation will deliver some positive attributes in that some young person will see your trash and incorparate that into thier life and say ” I will not lower my self to be the garbage that is Plaxico Burress”.
well jackal, bloomberg and the entire ny state machine just keep vacuuming up all NYer’s rights.
tx is way behind in that sweepstakes. it’s still a better place to live.
Plax should get in touch with Tyson. Iron Mike said he was scared when he did a stretch, and if he was scared, Burress should be downright petrified. I’ve done some work out at our neighborhood prison, and I was scared shitless the entire time.
When Plaxico was little and his granny asked him what he was going to be when he grew up he replied “I’m going to be a wide receiver”. Little did he know that he would be correct on several levels. Enjoy your shower time Plax….
“Too bad Plaxico isn’t a Cowboys player. In Texas, he’d not only be free – he’d be given the highest state medal – after all, the guy he shot was black.”
oooh nice, you got a racist joke. And a bad one at that.
I guess if he was an Eagirl they’d give him a $50,000 advance on a guaranteed $1.6 million contract without even getting a look at him first.
“hell jackal, bloomberg and the entire ny state machine just keep vacuuming up all NYer’s rights.”
He doesn’t care. As an Obamatron, he’ll sacrifice them gladly for The One.
bunbun, get yourself some professional help. Or a hobby.
Comment submission error. Say it with me. Comment submission error.
BRYAN_NELMS says:
“sixburghdude could coach on how to be a “receiver” during his time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry dude, I don’t believe in passing along second hand news, it’s really nothing more than gossip. Afterall, that’s exactly what it would be since most of yesterday & ALL of last night was spent with your mama showing me to what depths her backdoor could be plunged, sack deep for hours and that balloon knot torn to shreds & she kept beggin’ for more…and you wonder why outsiders call you Philthydelphians???
Plaxico should hire Vox Veritas, that chump can teach him how to enjoy the sort of thing that will happen to him in prison.
VoxVeritas says:
He doesn’t care. As an Obamatron, he’ll sacrifice them gladly for The One.
————-
Your “chosen one” Bush repealed more of my rights than Obama. But you’re a Cowboys fan. Facts aren’t important. You think your team is successful.
PFTiswhatitis,
BINGO! u-r-a LOSER!!!
now go shine Bry-Bry’s box