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Grab a Whizzinator while you can

There’s no need to confirm that your calendar doesn’t read April 1. 

This one, as phony as it might sound, is real.

And “phony” provides the ideal segueway, because one of the most notorious phony body parts in NFL history (actually, it’s the only notorious phony body part in NFL history) can be yours.

If you really want the thing.

In May 2005, an airport search of the luggage former Vikings running back Onterrio Smith uncovered a prosthetic penis known as a Whizzinator.  The device is aimed at allowing the user to beat a drug test, via the transmission through it of clean urine.

Tonight, the Shakopee (an appropriate name, since that’s also the recommended method for cleaning the device) Auction Center will be selling Smith’s Whizzinator and other personal items previously owned by him.

Though it doesn’t quite have the same cachet as the more traditional auction fodder, we figure someone will grab it.

Especially in light of the fact that the device is now hard to come by.  In 2008, the owners of the company that manufactured the Whizzinator were indicted on multiple federal fraud charges, essentially cutting off its availability.

In an unrelated note, Vikings receiver Percy Harvin is on the list of expected attendees for tonight’s auction.

Permalink 26 Comments Feed for comments Latest Stories in: Minnesota Vikings, Rumor Mill, Top Stories
26 Responses to “Grab a Whizzinator while you can”
  1. Levito says: Aug 28, 2009 8:14 PM

    He-yo!

  2. Colinito says: Aug 28, 2009 8:18 PM

    Purple Haze in Harvin’s brain!

  3. Florios_a_tool says: Aug 28, 2009 8:22 PM

    “…Grab a Whizzinator while you can…”
    you first fool.

  4. Ravenmaniac says: Aug 28, 2009 8:22 PM

    I would rather have Florio’s book……well…let me think about it……

  5. JimmySmith says: Aug 28, 2009 8:24 PM

    next up, the club that McKinnie uses to bash skulls, the plastic bag that D. Scott used to wrap his own kid’s head, and last but not least, Randy Moss’s old car used to drive over meter maids.
    The Vikings actually do have a rich tradition, its just not in winning Superbowls (did I mention they are 0-4)

  6. RedGoneWILD says: Aug 28, 2009 8:26 PM

    Why was Onterrio Smith never reinstated to the NFL?

  7. CanadianVikingFan says: Aug 28, 2009 8:31 PM

    Florio I heard you are on the attendants list as well. I can see why, all the junk you write is not something a normal person is capable or writing. Only one coked up or high on Mary-J is capable of that..

  8. ftomeo says: Aug 28, 2009 8:35 PM

    Is it segueue or segwayway or segue? Definitely not segueway. Can someone at NBC buy PFT a dictionary?
    These romance languages are HARD.

  9. Contra says: Aug 28, 2009 8:38 PM

    Why the hell would you post this article? Seriously? Was the last hour slow? Were there no Favre of Vick stories to post so you felt the need to go back and find a story from the past?

  10. xqr4 says: Aug 28, 2009 8:44 PM

    PFT should buy it and make it its mascot.

  11. Tundrastruck says: Aug 28, 2009 8:49 PM

    Florio..it is pronnounced Shock-oh-pee, so maybe you are into stuff like that…not that there is anything wrong with that.

  12. VoxVeritas says: Aug 28, 2009 8:59 PM

    “The Vikings actually do have a rich tradition, its just not in winning Superbowls ”
    Interesting, as the Packers have a rich history of getting curb-stomped by the Cowboys.

  13. Annuvin says: Aug 28, 2009 9:00 PM

    Why was Onterrio Smith never reinstated to the NFL?
    ———————————-
    Because Gutless Goodell wasn’t commissioner when Smith applied for reinstatement.

  14. Vanilla Gorilla says: Aug 28, 2009 9:12 PM

    I wish I would’ve known about this sooner. Shakopee is only a few minutes from me, and I would’a gone to check it out. And well…you know…maybe play with it a bit. Or not. Heh.
    Hell, the other Onterrio Spliff stuff isn’t half bad. I thought the letter from the NFL stating he failed the drug test was interesting, and I’d bid a few bucks on the game ball or Offensive Player of the Week plaque.
    Check out the full line-up: http://www.theauctioncenter.net/gallery/v/football/
    I’ll be sure to check back over the next week to see the “price realized” for the infamous pseudo wiener.

  15. Tundrastruck says: Aug 28, 2009 9:18 PM

    Vox, when was the last time Dallas won a playoff game?…yeah, back when Bill Clinton was still in the White House and jackoffs like you were meeting twelve year old girls on AOL to hook up.

  16. Florios_a_tool says: Aug 28, 2009 9:29 PM

    “….# Tundrastruck says: August 28, 2009 9:18 PM
    Vox, when was the last time Dallas won a playoff game?…yeah, back when … jackoffs like you were meeting twelve year old girls on AOL to hook up…”
    Dallas won a playoff game yesterday?

  17. db3300 says: Aug 28, 2009 9:33 PM

    “Why the hell would you post this article? Seriously?”
    Why the hell would you bother to leave a comment about it? I’ve never been one to defend Florio but I don’t get jackasses like you who think they should have some kind of editorial control over someone else’s website.
    It took a lot more time for you to go through the effort than the 2 seconds it would have taken to skip it in the headline. I see a headline that I don’t like and I move on to the next one.
    There’s always room for you over at compensating_for_my_little_peepee.com, Sparky.

  18. DCViking says: Aug 28, 2009 9:33 PM

    This event truly is a junk sale…
    Thank you — I’m here all week.

  19. VoxVeritas says: Aug 28, 2009 10:34 PM

    “Vox, when was the last time Dallas won a playoff game?…yeah, back when Bill Clinton was still in the White House and jackoffs like you were meeting twelve year old girls on AOL to hook up.”
    You realize that I could have you prosecuted for that, right? Florio you better clean up this riff-raff before I subpoena you for his info. Freaking Packer fans, why are you guys so twisted? Always killing and raping people in that order and thinking about sex with pre-teens. What’s wrong with you guys?

  20. bonecity7 says: Aug 28, 2009 11:00 PM

    Mike,
    You now have a poster threatening legal action against other posters!!! WOW!!!
    Time to bid Vox adieu!! That stuff can’t be good for business!!!

  21. JimmySmith says: Aug 29, 2009 7:31 AM

    Just a point of clarification regarding Vox, I will vouch that he would never date a 12 year girl. Never.
    12 year old boys maybe, but being a Cowboy apologist is hard work. When your team hasn’t won a playoff game in over a decade and last year had 13 pro bowl players on it roster and still didn’t make the playoffs (came close though, all they had to do was win the final game of the season and they came close to that, 44-6), your work is cut out for you.
    Let Vox vent, it at least keeps him out of the AOL chat rooms.

  22. JuicyMelon says: Aug 29, 2009 12:38 PM

    Jimmy,
    Just like this article, you can’t come up with new stuff either (A superbowl Joke?)
    Vox,
    The Packers are about the only team the Cowboys can beat in the league. If I was Jerry Jones, I would pull my team for the season. Reasons = Fix the Stadium, Find a quality Coach, Rest Players, the Eagles are taking the division, and the Giants/Bears are taking the Wild Cards.

  23. Bob Nelson says: Aug 29, 2009 2:29 PM

    The whizzinator the icon of fraud and deceit could go on display at viking headquarters.
    They have nothing else to display and certainly no display case.
    Without a single trophy or other symbol of accomplishment, the whizzinator could symbolize the viking history of fraud and deceit.

  24. rcunningham says: Aug 29, 2009 3:44 PM

    “# Bob Nelson says: August 29, 2009 2:29 PM
    The whizzinator the icon of fraud and deceit could go on display at viking headquarters.
    They have nothing else to display and certainly no display case.
    Without a single trophy or other symbol of accomplishment, the whizzinator could symbolize the viking history of fraud and deceit.”
    Cool story bro.

  25. J.Cannon says: Aug 29, 2009 4:17 PM

    @Bob Nelson. They’ll put it right next to those four Halas trophies, a pitcure of the love boat, a Minnesota Vikings Brett Favre jersey, and a T-shirt of Brett Favre pissing on the Green Bay Packers logo and the whole state of Wisconsin. Good day sir.

  26. jorge says: Aug 30, 2009 5:18 AM

    Bob Nelson! I gotta hand it to you, you really tore a chunk a-ass off these purple-penis-eaters! ( notice how they all went back onto their vi-queen ship ur…
    Love Boat and sailed off to friendlier shores?) yeah. they seemed to have shut down their chatter after you pulled the show stopper on them! keep it up brother!

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