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Maybe I'll fight Channing Crowder, after all

After reading the 106-and-counting comments to our entry regarding the implied desire of linebacker Channing Crowder to manually remove my head from its normal resting position, I’ve changed my mind.

I will be heading to his house, and I will be knocking on the front door, and I will be asking whether Channing is ready to come out and play.

Once one the front lawn, I’ll tell him (as one reader suggested) that Terry Bradshaw is dead.

And then when he says, “Really?”, I’ll jack him upside the head with a sock full of pennies.

Yep, that’s a damn good plan.

Permalink 53 Comments Feed for comments Latest Stories in: Miami Dolphins, Rumor Mill, Top Stories
53 Responses to “Maybe I'll fight Channing Crowder, after all”
  1. Kidekk says: Sep 20, 2009 8:39 AM

    I don’t know if you’re joking. After all, I believed that Steve Smith wasn’t joking.

  2. slipkid says: Sep 20, 2009 8:41 AM

    with a name like channing, he has to be into show tunes. so, i actually like helmethead’s chances on this one.

  3. Play4Blood says: Sep 20, 2009 8:43 AM

    I think post might constitute assault or conspiracy or something.
    Can I have your job when NBC cans you?

  4. Jilla says: Sep 20, 2009 8:44 AM

    What are you smoking this AM? And can I have some?

  5. DonTerrelli says: Sep 20, 2009 8:46 AM

    You’ll need to use quarters or silver dollars to phase him. Even if you do that, you’d be the one going to jail for Felonious Assault.

  6. Poo Flinging Monkey says: Sep 20, 2009 8:46 AM

    Try a sock full of a can of green beans. That works, too.

  7. phaze14 says: Sep 20, 2009 8:47 AM

    your a p u s s y and you would never step on his door. You do deserve to get your ass kicked for what you said. Stop talking s h i t before channing really gives you a tatequeto! Just a piece of advice!

  8. Bill In DC says: Sep 20, 2009 8:47 AM

    I think you’d do better using the old ‘LOOK! an American Eagle!”

  9. Coyle says: Sep 20, 2009 8:48 AM

    You better make it quarters or even silver dollars.

  10. Ralph Gre Nader says: Sep 20, 2009 8:53 AM

    If Crowder wasnt such a Douchebag Id think you were over overreacting.

  11. PFTiswhatitis says: Sep 20, 2009 8:53 AM

    LMAO. Good for you Florio, I bet he’s shaking now.

  12. pramis123 says: Sep 20, 2009 8:54 AM

    I think a better idea is after he comes out, you tell him that R. Ryan is coming in the back door to his house, which will make him run back inside the house. If you can film it without audio, it will show him coming out and after facing you, running back inside the house and you can tell everyone that he was scared to fight you. Now….that is a plan worthy of printing on your site!

  13. Tundrastruck says: Sep 20, 2009 8:54 AM

    I got your back Florio….and Crowder IS a douche bag…(not to go Jim Rome here, but 6’5″, 300lb) Tell Crowder to bring friends. (Florio, you might want to bring a ladder.)

  14. milehiclown says: Sep 20, 2009 9:01 AM

    Not sure what it says about your readership: the two highest comment threads follow a post about the Whitehouse and about an ass-kicking about to take place (DOWN GOES DOUCHE BAG! DOWN GOES DOUCHE BAG!).
    That’s GOLD Jerry!

  15. locustsofdeath says: Sep 20, 2009 9:08 AM

    Watch out, Cranning Chowder might tell on you.
    Have it out the old fashioned way: meet in the playground after school and thumb wrestle.

  16. The Jimmy says: Sep 20, 2009 9:11 AM

    Don’t let this chance pass Florio. Show up with a camera in tow for your Jim Rome/Chris Everett moment. Hit him with your man purse

  17. Big Stretch says: Sep 20, 2009 9:17 AM

    If your goal is to be considered a true mainstream sports journalist I would suggest not calling the athletes you report on “douche bags”. Channing Crowder may be one, but if you are attempting to be taken seriously, perhaps a bit of professionalism is required.

  18. bu7ch says: Sep 20, 2009 9:19 AM

    You must be Optimus Gruss!

  19. dakotah says: Sep 20, 2009 9:23 AM

    If you did follow through on this plan, I’m confident the world would be a better place.

  20. Fan_Of_ Four says: Sep 20, 2009 9:29 AM

    Wait a minute……….Terry Bradshaw isn’t dead ? You mean that wrinkly old bald headed incoherent backwater hillbilly that rambles on about nothing on Faux is Terry Bradshaw ?
    Whats the over and under on Clammy Chowder getting reinstated by Goodell after he caves in your skull ?

  21. Old School says: Sep 20, 2009 9:32 AM

    Success has gone to your head, Florio. Just like Chad Muchostinko, you think YOU are the news. You’ve become a real self absorbed jerk.
    You will shortly be told that at NBC it’s about Obama and only Obama. In the meantime, I’m on to an actual football site. I don’t have time to weed through your self promotion to find football items.

  22. English_for_Florio_Fund says: Sep 20, 2009 9:33 AM

    That’s a whole years PFT salary stashed in that sock…or 4 years worth of night school journalism ending in the masters you have in English…is it worth the risk? Guess not, with your quick reply there! I’d go and get a legs worth of marinade if I were you — the shoe will be the hardest going down….once you get to that dainty foot itself you’re home free. I’d pay for a hundred years of your salary for a picture of that!

  23. jdthegame says: Sep 20, 2009 9:40 AM

    Might be better using a sock full of those 10,000 books of yours.

  24. SaintsBucsPanthersSUKK says: Sep 20, 2009 9:41 AM

    “He ain’t worth it, he ain’t worth it.” – Oprah Winfrey, The Color Purple (1985)

  25. RagnarHater24 says: Sep 20, 2009 9:42 AM

    Bring Joe Precato. While Crowder is blinded by the glare off his head and confused about his actual purpose you can smack with the pennies.

  26. bearsrule says: Sep 20, 2009 9:48 AM

    I’m tellin’ ya homey, take that lineman who beat his head in last year. Every time I think of his hair flopping up and down while that hamhocked sized forearm was caving in his skull, I laugh out loud.

  27. g_sny09 says: Sep 20, 2009 9:51 AM

    # SaintsBucsPanthersSUKK says: September 20, 2009 9:41 AM
    “He ain’t worth it, he ain’t worth it.” – Oprah Winfrey, The Color Purple (1985)
    really?! is that the best quote you could come up with?

  28. Opie says: Sep 20, 2009 9:51 AM

    That took too long to click links, etc. But once I started down that road, well ……..
    Florio, I got your point. The “douche” and “bag” were to be the person that Crowder was referring to in his comments about the UF v. UT game……Kiffin.
    However, the fact that you had to link it to another article, etc. made it look like you were saying to google Channing Crowder or his alias “douche” “bag”…… very poor form and probably what you get for trying to yuk it up on a blog w/out the requisite “lol” “insert sarcasm” etc. Also should teach you to try to pimp the other site when you should just get to the damn point
    Now, on to your scheduled fight. I would stuff ball bearings into a sock……it’s all ball bearings these days…….

  29. Florio-is-a-tool says: Sep 20, 2009 10:01 AM

    The estrogen’s really flowing in this drama.

  30. SaintsBucsPanthersSUKK says: Sep 20, 2009 10:10 AM

    Yes. It is appropriate to the topic at hand. If you happen to have another one, feel free to contribute.

  31. comment_submission_error says: Sep 20, 2009 10:18 AM

    I once had a supervisor who was afraid of me. I was in Home Depot one day and saw him walking towards me with his two sons. When he recognized me he stopped dead in the aisle, grabbed his boys, did a 180, and took off like one of those speed-walkers. Don’t be that guy, Florio. Teach your son how to be a man.

  32. Richm2256 says: Sep 20, 2009 10:24 AM

    Big Stretch says:
    September 20, 2009 9:17 AM
    If your goal is to be considered a true mainstream sports journalist I would suggest not calling the athletes you report on “douche bags”. Channing Crowder may be one, but if you are attempting to be taken seriously, perhaps a bit of professionalism is required.
    Florio, don’t listen to this clown. That’s the very reason this site is so successful, you’re NOT like the mainstream media. You have a qualified opinion, and aren’t afraid t use it.
    By the way, Crowder is one brain cell away from pooping his pants regularly, so my advice is to knock on his door and remind him that you already kicked his ass last year, and think it woulfd be bad form for you to do it again.
    The douche bag will probably believe you.

  33. Dorsal Fin says: Sep 20, 2009 10:29 AM

    Is there a reporter in the house? If you can’t find one in your home, ask NBC Sports for one… Even Bradshaw could handle this better that you have so far. GEEEEZZ

  34. TFBuckFutter says: Sep 20, 2009 10:34 AM

    I think Matt Light may have scrambled Channing Crowder’s brain.

  35. Florio-is-a-tool says: Sep 20, 2009 10:42 AM

    I saw Channing Crowder once – she starred in the Best Broadway Musical Ever.

  36. possessed says: Sep 20, 2009 10:46 AM

    I don’t like your chances against Carol Channing, much less Channing Crowder.

  37. HawgNSonsTV says: Sep 20, 2009 10:51 AM

    Florio……YOU are a Hawg!!!!….Hawg’s NEVER lose!…You just have to get Hawg Wild!

  38. PACKinNM says: Sep 20, 2009 10:58 AM

    LMAO….that may be your best shot. oh yeah, thanks downsouth49er… I cant get the song kung fu fightinting out of my head. AAAAAAhhhhh

  39. Pier588 says: Sep 20, 2009 11:29 AM

    Nice marketing scheme to generate more comments.
    Channing is still a Chowderhead and you may have just joined him in that distinction.

  40. TSE says: Sep 20, 2009 11:38 AM

    To the first comment –
    What do you mean you don’t know if he’s joking? It’s always joking if something said comes back to haunt you, if not, then it’s not a joke. That’s the rule nowadays.

  41. Mav69r says: Sep 20, 2009 11:47 AM

    2 things… don’t you think he read this? I mean he did learn about the other story somehow…
    and 2… isn’t this pre-meditated? Won’t you go to jail for a longer period of time?

  42. chaz says: Sep 20, 2009 11:50 AM

    I cant picture you knocking on the door. Maybe you should climb a tree in his front yard and fling poo at him when he walks out.

  43. PhinsRock says: Sep 20, 2009 11:57 AM

    Kick his ass Channing!!

  44. billsfanaddict says: Sep 20, 2009 12:04 PM

    “ON” his front lawn NOT “one” his front lawn Florio, proof read, dammit, its been almost 4hrs fix it already

  45. TFBuckFutter says: Sep 20, 2009 12:13 PM

    “Mav69r says:
    September 20, 2009 11:47 AM
    2 things… don’t you think he read this? I mean he did learn about the other story somehow…”
    I would be very surprised if Cramming Chowder can read.

  46. Mr Krinkle says: Sep 20, 2009 12:19 PM

    Yo Florio and Crowder, I’m really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but Timmy vs Jimmy was the best retard fight of all time!

  47. Tim says: Sep 20, 2009 12:35 PM

    You can’t even lift a sock of pennies Florio.

  48. JuicyMelon says: Sep 20, 2009 12:39 PM

    @Mr. Krinkle,
    Lol! But it was a Cripple fight…
    I would love to see this in the octagon for real or the WWE for the entertainment factor.

  49. Tim says: Sep 20, 2009 12:40 PM

    CC will gladly give you a dirt nap right next to your life savings and your love sock.

  50. m2002m says: Sep 20, 2009 12:53 PM

    You really are a sad little person. You are not funny, and you are pathetic.

  51. TheGhostofBernieKosar says: Sep 20, 2009 1:15 PM

    you should have florio jr keep the car running so you can make a fast getaway. FAMILY CRIME NIGHT!!

  52. steeler-hater says: Sep 20, 2009 10:10 PM

    You are gonna fight him?
    All I can say is it was nice knowing you. I just hope the reporter who replaces you here doesn’t have to take as much crap from this forum’s posters as you have had to…

  53. texasPHINSfan says: Sep 21, 2009 3:20 PM

    TFBuckFutter – Crowder was a national scholar, i’m pretty sure he can read.
    So Florio calls Crowder a douchebag, Crowder calls Florio out on it, and PFT World attacks Crowder.
    i guess i don’t get it, but whatever.

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