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In an effort to go mainstream, ExtenZe hires Jimmy Johnson

“Bob” is no longer smiling.  The star of the Enzyte commercials will be trumped by an ExtenZe marketing campaign featuring a man with a more appropriate name.

Johnson.

Yes, the male-enhancement supplement company has hired former NFL coach and current FOX personality Jimmy Johnson to help hawk its goods, as part of a $150 million push to make ExtenZe a mass-market product.

Though the commercials won’t be seen during the Super Bowl, Johnson will be appearing on television sets throughout America as of Monday.

“Most men want to perform the best they can in just about everything,” he says in one of the spots, according to Advertising Age.  “Isn’t that why we buy the biggest and
best of everything?”

He reportedly closes the commercial by saying, “Go long with
ExtenZe.  I do.”

It’s not great, but it’s better than, say, “How ’bout them Cowboys?

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58 Responses to “In an effort to go mainstream, ExtenZe hires Jimmy Johnson”
  1. TFBuckFutter says: Feb 5, 2010 10:19 PM

    First in line: Vox Veritas*
    *Because of his Cowboy homerism**
    **And his tiny penis

  2. VoxVagina says: Feb 5, 2010 10:24 PM

    If anyone is really that insecure about their dick size that they would buy Extenze cause Jimmy Johnson said so, I truly feel sorry for him.

  3. Mike Z says: Feb 5, 2010 10:25 PM

    This is great for ExtenZe, Jimmy Johnson is a walking and talking dick.

  4. FumbleNuts says: Feb 5, 2010 10:31 PM

    “Go long with ExtenZe. I do.”
    And so does Michael Irvin!

  5. FootballOnly says: Feb 5, 2010 10:33 PM

    next we’ll hear michael irvin has been named the ambassador to the vatican

  6. Topher says: Feb 5, 2010 10:35 PM

    They have $150m to spend on advertising?
    I guess that $300,000 they had to pay the State of California for unfair business practices was a slap on the wrist.

  7. Obeah says: Feb 5, 2010 10:36 PM

    Jimmy either really needs the money, or Extenze offered him a life time supply.
    How sleezy can a man get.

  8. .VoxVeritas says: Feb 5, 2010 10:43 PM

    “First in line: Vox Veritas*”
    Welcome to the conga line of following bitches.
    But this Extenze story, this is just GOLD.

  9. Xenu_D_Alien says: Feb 5, 2010 10:48 PM

    They should’ve hired Dick Trickle…

  10. BigBoy says: Feb 5, 2010 10:48 PM

    Yeah I wrote you about this weeks ago Florio

  11. Swedish Mafia says: Feb 5, 2010 10:51 PM

    Seriously? Jimmy? JOHNSON? This couldn’t be written any better. Whoever thought of this probably did so as a joke! But to have him say ‘yes’….omg….the hilarity!

  12. Route36West says: Feb 5, 2010 11:04 PM

    Just what Michael Irvin needs is for his former coach to be pushing drugs that will make you want to have sex more and your wood bigger. If Irvin gets with in ten miles of Jimmy he will be in jail by the end of the year.
    I heard that in the background of the ExtenZe commercial you can here Irvin saying “Will these still work if you snort them?”

  13. TFBuckFutter says: Feb 5, 2010 11:09 PM

    “Topher says:
    February 5, 2010 10:35 PM
    They have $150m to spend on advertising?”
    What else do they have to spend money on? The product? It’s not expensive to make sugar pills and jam them into bulk medicine bottles with a stick on label and sell it for like $30 to $75 dollars. That is all profit with little to no overhead.

  14. bigtrav425 says: Feb 5, 2010 11:09 PM

    lol if it really worked in makin ur penis bigger…dont ya think it would be a lil more popular then it is right now?

  15. TFBuckFutter says: Feb 5, 2010 11:12 PM

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3077050
    I couldn’t remember the name of the other company that was identical to this but ended up going down…..$75 million in sales. Ouch.
    It’s so easy to prey on people’s insecurities.

  16. cunn9305 says: Feb 5, 2010 11:18 PM

    This is pure marketing insanity. This an absolute 100% scam. I’m a urologist I should know. There is no pill out there that will give you more than you got from the Lord. The ONLY thing that works is surgery or walking around with weights on the end of your johnson, neither of which is very appealing. If there was I would sell them myself and be able to buy my own island. This tells you how many suckers there are out there. As far as JJ they better be paying him a ton to let everybody know he’s got a small pecker. Sheesh.

  17. LewD says: Feb 5, 2010 11:22 PM

    Enzyte background …. great job there Jimmy …
    Conviction and sentencing
    On February 22, 2008, Steven Warshak was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. On August 27, 2008 he was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Arthur Spiegel to 25 years in prison and ordered to pay $93,000 in fines. His company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, along with other defendants, was ordered to forfeit $500 million. His 75-year-old mother, Harriet Warshak, was sentenced to two years in prison[14][15] but released on bond pending appeal after turning over her house, bank accounts and other assets related to her crimes.
    Continued company operation
    The Warshaks’ convictions and fines forced the company into bankruptcy. In December 2008 its assets were acquired from bankruptcy court for $2.75 million by investment company Pristine Bay, affiliated with Cincinnati developer Chuck Kubicki. Kubicki said he wanted to save the jobs of the company’s 200 employees and retain a major tenant in one of his properties in suburban Cincinnati at Forest Park, Ohio. He said he would change the company name but would keep the brand.
    On June 26, 2009, the company name was changed to Vianda LLC. In a press release, the company announced plans to expand, hiring as many as 400 additional workers.

  18. MasterShake says: Feb 5, 2010 11:47 PM

    For a second there, I thought Florio was trying to mix in some NASCAR.
    The commercial would be juvenile yet funny:
    Jimmy Johnson wins by a head!

  19. HereThere says: Feb 6, 2010 12:05 AM

    This whole entry seems like a real stretch to me.

  20. Allied Biscuit says: Feb 6, 2010 12:14 AM

    i think his hairpiece has a vagina so this is win win

  21. gopherb24 says: Feb 6, 2010 12:18 AM

    I really don’t want to hear about Jimmy Johnson’s larger penis.

  22. Lost says: Feb 6, 2010 12:44 AM

    Does this make Jimmy an ‘official’ dickhead

  23. rkell21 says: Feb 6, 2010 12:51 AM

    The Big package isn’t just a personnel grouping anymore.

  24. God's Own Silver and Blue says: Feb 6, 2010 12:54 AM

    Tsk tsk … you can just feel the angst and pain in these comments. Must suck to be fans of all those other weenie clubs with a raging case of, erm, “Johnson” envy.

  25. jimk says: Feb 6, 2010 1:01 AM

    Retro/sick/awful, just like his hair style. Wish the remote would also mute his video.

  26. danielcp0303 says: Feb 6, 2010 1:06 AM

    As a Cowboys fan, this is the most embarrasing thing ever. Geez…Can I put myself in a coma?

  27. jkmp2012 says: Feb 6, 2010 1:12 AM

    Thanks for the post. Extenze really helps to grow your penis size.
    Extenze

  28. DocBG says: Feb 6, 2010 1:45 AM

    does Frank Caliendo (sp) even have to take time to write jokes for the fox pregame?
    Look at it this way, if these products worked, they wouldn’t need advertising.

  29. mike428 says: Feb 6, 2010 2:37 AM

    Hi, meet Jimmy. Why does Jimmy have a smile on his face when his offense is at 4th and inches? That’s because Jimmy just took Extenze – to get those extra inches that will make the first down!!

  30. monet99 says: Feb 6, 2010 3:13 AM

    Viagra has some stiff competition.

  31. patpatriotagain says: Feb 6, 2010 3:16 AM

    if he needed it to be stiff, why doesn’t he use his hair spray?

  32. TampaJoey says: Feb 6, 2010 4:10 AM

    You can buy a lot of penis for $150 million. Consequently, you can also buy a lot of pussy for $150m.

  33. BigMikey says: Feb 6, 2010 4:12 AM

    Just be thankful they didn’t hire Billick.

  34. Joe in Toronto, Canada says: Feb 6, 2010 5:16 AM

    Mike Z says: February 5, 2010 10:25 PM
    This is great for ExtenZe, Jimmy Johnson is a walking and talking dick.
    ==========================================
    Good one, lol.

  35. Ravenmaniac says: Feb 6, 2010 8:22 AM

    So…what you guys are saying is this stuff doenst work? I mean….not that I care….it is not like I am going to order any…or anything like that…I mean…they do say it works…..Bob’s wife looked happy and do did Bob….I mean…I dont need something like this….do I honey?….ah nevermind she fell asleep….
    Anyway..like I said I dont need this stuff this is stupid….my wife is very happy with the size of….do you guys know if they ship next day…if I was going to order something like this…which I am not….

  36. bluestree says: Feb 6, 2010 8:52 AM

    This is truly a sign of the decline of western civilization. The school kids of America get a daily dose of Jimmie talking about the size of his dick. Does he not realize the ripping he will take from late night comics? And with a name like Johnson! I can hear Jay Leno chortling with glee.

  37. Joe in Toronto, Canada says: Feb 6, 2010 8:53 AM

    “I dont need something like this….do I honey?….ah nevermind she fell asleep….”
    ==================================
    lol, oh man, that’s a classic.

  38. Jack Factor says: Feb 6, 2010 9:04 AM

    Great. Now Jerry Jones is going to buy the company, fire Jimmy and hire Barry to try to satisfy his Grail quest to own an even bigger dick to show on his oversized scoreboard in his oversized stadium to overcompensate for his puny clitpickle

  39. Drithe says: Feb 6, 2010 9:06 AM

    So tell us Mr. Florio …….. does this stuff Jimmy is going to sell us work? :)
    End of Line.

  40. ebr362 says: Feb 6, 2010 9:15 AM

    After his failed promises to bring the dolphins back to the Super Bowl, oh I’m sorry,”The Big Game”(Don’t want the NFL after me for naming rights infringement) I always thought of him as a pussy, who would of thought he was a hard-on!

  41. JimmySmith says: Feb 6, 2010 9:20 AM

    If the product really works, I feel sorry for Vox. Its one thing to be a complete homer and take one for the home team, its quite another to take it when its significantly bigger, not that Vox really cares, he’s all about the pain otherwise he wouldn’t be a Cowboy fan in the first place.

  42. Bigbluefan says: Feb 6, 2010 9:34 AM

    The only guy better for the Job would have been jets owner
    Woody Johnson

  43. golfrules says: Feb 6, 2010 9:47 AM

    I heard short stocky guys are hung like shetland ponies. Is that true!!! If so JJ is doing this just for the money. Amazing!!!

  44. AllThat says: Feb 6, 2010 9:53 AM

    I guess we will need to see the smiles on the ladies faces to tell if it is working. Or the smile on Terry Bradshaw’s face!!!

  45. okidokihippo says: Feb 6, 2010 10:00 AM

    ExtenZe missed the mark…they should of hired Freddie PrinZe Jr.

  46. okidokihippo says: Feb 6, 2010 10:01 AM

    Anyone else get ExtenZe in their Christmas stocking this year? Thanks Santa?

  47. tombrookshire says: Feb 6, 2010 10:27 AM

    “Most men want to perform the best they can in just about everything,” he says in one of the spots, according to Advertising Age. “Isn’t that why we buy the biggest and best of everything?”
    ___________________________________
    No Jimmy, that is not the reason. Amerikans have been programmed to consume stuff. All kinds of stuff, by ads they see on television. The biggest this, the fastest that. I guess a boner is something else Amerikans want to be able to buy. Get it fast, and super size it, please!

  48. mikeoxlong says: Feb 6, 2010 10:57 AM

    “Mike Oxlong” has no need for a product such as this.

  49. Loqi says: Feb 6, 2010 11:34 AM

    A $150 million dollar marketing push? You can make that much money selling sugar pills? Man, software was the wrong business to get into. I should have opened a fake drug company.

  50. Chapnasty2 says: Feb 6, 2010 11:34 AM

    Hey Florio
    Again your bias is terrible. “How bout them Cowboys” was tagged to a team that won 2 Superbowls.
    Chapnasty2-2 Florio-0

  51. Joe in Toronto, Canada says: Feb 6, 2010 11:52 AM

    tombrookshire: Amerikans?

  52. Thingamajig says: Feb 6, 2010 12:00 PM

    Shoulda hired Tiger Woods.

  53. .VoxVeritas says: Feb 6, 2010 12:20 PM

    “As a Cowboys fan, this is the most embarrasing thing ever. Geez…Can I put myself in a coma?”
    Sure. Become an 0-3gles fan.

  54. .VoxVeritas says: Feb 6, 2010 12:25 PM

    “he’s all about the pain otherwise he wouldn’t be a Cowboy fan in the first place.”
    Could be worse than being a 5-time Super Bowl champ that owns the Packers’ hearts and souls, Jimmysmith. What does it feel like to be dominated so thouroughly over such a long period of time? The Packers are to the Cowboys what the Bears are to the Packers. They win one every now and then but it’s mostly just one-sided ass-whippings for the other guys.

  55. 6250claimer says: Feb 6, 2010 12:39 PM

    They should add Randy Johnson to their stable of Johnsons. Then Jimmy and “Big Unit” could stand there and endorse the product, with their titles proudly displayed under their smiling mugs and bulging trousers. Pure marketing genius. They’d sell billions of bottles, and the Chinese would surely be all over this like an Ethiopian on a Happy MealĀ®.

  56. Kevin from Philly says: Feb 6, 2010 8:55 PM

    This is called “target marketing”. They try to sell their stuff to small dicked losers who sit in their basements and surf the net all day. Thus, focusing on Cowboys fans was a no brainer.

  57. brasho says: Feb 6, 2010 9:57 PM

    Is extenze for increasing penis size or longevity? I’ve never heard of it.

  58. ed says: Jun 24, 2010 3:33 PM

    THAT CRACKS ME UP LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!! MR JIMMY JOHNSON TALKING ABOUT JOHNSONS

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