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Prepare for the inaugural Raidercruise

this_october_30_2009_ap_photo_released_by_royal_ca_8298800624.jpgSome of the best jokes write themselves.

The Oakland Raiders don’t send out a lot of press releases, but the one we just got is one of the best we’ve ever seen.

On May 2, the first-ever “Raidercruise” will leave Los Angeles, making three stops in Mexico (maybe Barret Robbins will be on shore to greet the passengers) before returning on May 9.

The 1,020-foot ship can hold up to 3,114 passengers, or roughly half of the average home attendance in 2009.  (See, Jags fans?  We don’t make fun of only your team for not being able to sell tickets.)

Though the official name of the boat is Mariner of the Seas, we suggest an alternative moniker for the week that the ship is commandeered by the folks who frequent the Black Hole.

Alcatraz.

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79 Responses to “Prepare for the inaugural Raidercruise”
  1. birdmancometh says: Feb 22, 2010 12:28 PM

    Sounds like a great idea.

  2. Reasonable says: Feb 22, 2010 12:30 PM

    Jamarcas will make it a submarine.

  3. PFFFFT says: Feb 22, 2010 12:30 PM

    That’s a bad place to be if you’re a woman.

  4. Philthylush says: Feb 22, 2010 12:32 PM

    Wait…why is this funny? Weak Florio. Worst post ever. How about you try something new….like break a story for once.

  5. realitypolice says: Feb 22, 2010 12:33 PM

    Holy Crap. I mean, Holy Crap. A boat full of Raider players, groupies and drunken Raider fans? The potential for human carnage is worse than the upcoming PFT Posters Convention. TMZ is going to have rent a chase boat.

  6. Slow Joe says: Feb 22, 2010 12:35 PM

    Don’t stop in San Diego. They’ll be waiting with cannons.

  7. KingKunal says: Feb 22, 2010 12:36 PM

    HAHAHA. Are the remaining rooms going to be available to the public? Because I know the Royal Caribbean isn’t going to charter this monster for just these fools.

  8. Contra says: Feb 22, 2010 12:37 PM

    Ha, you actually have two good jokes in there Florio.

  9. phillyeagleschamps says: Feb 22, 2010 12:37 PM

    It isa nice to see Probation Officers letting their clients(Raider Fans) attend this event.
    I would imagine they will be allowed to leave their ankle bracelets at home.
    Al Davis will be worshipped for hours.

  10. slipkid says: Feb 22, 2010 12:38 PM

    all they need now is chauncey pullpecker and bryant McTacoeater

  11. pfii63 says: Feb 22, 2010 12:39 PM

    “No word on whether or not the Minnesota Vikings were consulted on how to host a floating party.”

  12. no14mike says: Feb 22, 2010 12:39 PM

    Haha I read “Raidercurse” at first. I thought that was appropriate too.

  13. Mike_in_Texas says: Feb 22, 2010 12:45 PM

    So is it a Raidercruise or not? Stop making fake headlines about a boat that has nothing to do with the Raiders. I know you, just like most of America are unpattient simply because Godfather Al hasn’t given anyone much to write about. Be patient the Spending spree will come in a few wks and soon Julius Peppers will sign the Richest Contract ever given to a DE. Same thing with Pennington(Unless Gradkowski signs longterm)

  14. TylerDurden says: Feb 22, 2010 12:46 PM

    It’s probably a good thing that your no longer a practicing lawyer….

  15. Mike_in_Texas says: Feb 22, 2010 12:47 PM

    I would love to get a cruise, Raiders style. Whats wrong with that? I bet it will be alot more exciting than boring Dallas,Niners,Packers or Colts fans all drinking wine and eating cookies..
    Why not the Jerry Jones Boat? Goes to show that Al Davis has just as much money as Jerry or Snyder and just like those 2 he isnt afraid to throw it to players..never was, never will..

  16. BleedingSilverAndBlack says: Feb 22, 2010 12:48 PM

    Mike Florio blows goats.

  17. Bob Sacamano says: Feb 22, 2010 12:48 PM

    Good lord, a cruise full of Raider fans?
    Why not just advertise “Want to be assaulted, raped, and possibly killed? Sign up now!”

  18. Mean D says: Feb 22, 2010 12:50 PM

    Robbins could wipe his azz with you, Florio.

  19. Krow says: Feb 22, 2010 12:54 PM

    Raiders fans everywhere are hoping it sinks.

  20. BornSlippy says: Feb 22, 2010 12:54 PM

    Maybe its one of those fbi stings where they get all the criminals in one place with promises of something good only to arret them on their warrants.

  21. darrius_heyward-bey-butterfingers says: Feb 22, 2010 12:55 PM

    Yay! A place to talk about what busts Oakland will select this year. Who is this year’s Mike Mitchell?

  22. It puts the lotion on the skin says: Feb 22, 2010 12:56 PM

    Hopefully it will end differently than the “VikingCruise” on Lake Menatonka (spelling?)

  23. Mike_in_Texas says: Feb 22, 2010 12:57 PM

    I love the Alcatraz comment at the end.. Love how the Raiders are still the Bad Boys of the NFL and how Al Davis still gets what he wants.
    Who was the Secondary coach that left the Raiders for Cal ? Who cares. Had never heard of him before or since. Not like the Raiders secondary will take a hit.
    Badder yet, when he left the KC Chiefs for the Rival Raiders..

  24. Phreakin says: Feb 22, 2010 12:59 PM

    Maybe their QB can actually hit this out in the open

  25. Osterhouse says: Feb 22, 2010 12:59 PM

    Over/Under on the assault and battery cases on the trip?

  26. Citizen Strange says: Feb 22, 2010 12:59 PM

    And remember folks, keep your wallet in your sock.

  27. peg14 says: Feb 22, 2010 1:04 PM

    Not even a raiders fan so i dont take offence but that is poor chat Florio. Fed up checkin on this page for some news when all i get is Florio tryin to launch his comedy career. Stick to what u do best which is………………………………………………………

  28. RaiderMight says: Feb 22, 2010 1:04 PM

    I swear Mike, you are turning into more and more of a D-Bag everyday.
    Sounce like a decent idea. We’ll see how it works out.

  29. tango says: Feb 22, 2010 1:05 PM

    I agree with Philthylush ! Very, VERY, weak and to pile on Robbins is simply not cool. The guy had some serious issues

  30. shake&bake says: Feb 22, 2010 1:09 PM

    I agree with the above comments. Why is this funny ? I don’t get it. Florio i must say this is one of the dumbest things you have ever wrote. You are really stetching it on this one. And when di the last Raider game have only 1500 people? I was actually a little emberassed for you when i read this. What a tool.

  31. phillyeagleschamps says: Feb 22, 2010 1:15 PM

    It is nice to see NAMBLA and the Hell’s Angels unite on this cruise.

  32. nflhof says: Feb 22, 2010 1:15 PM

    Culpepper should sign with the Raiders now. He can be the skipper of this love boat.

  33. Mike_in_Texas says: Feb 22, 2010 1:17 PM

    when florio does one day leave this earth, i will personally go pee on his grave.. same with Tom Brady.
    I bet Al Davis will still be in his office with 4more Superbowls

  34. Mike_in_Texas says: Feb 22, 2010 1:21 PM

    Raiders actually sell out their stadiums about 2-3 times a yr.. sept. oct.
    unlike the Jags who cant even fill half the stadium with 50% off ticket prices.
    The Jags are just not appealing..really.
    So the Raiders get more fans in their stadium than a playoff team in Jacksonville

  35. RaiderRedleg says: Feb 22, 2010 1:21 PM

    AMEN Philthylush…The Robbins joke was pretty damn low (not like the current Raider team could give you A LOT of other “funny” material).
    Florio if you are actually going to try and make people think you are a “journalist” instead of a “blogger” then cut with the act where you try and run down teams to generate comments and focus on facts and give a honest opinion not some crap to just try and get some “laughs”.
    You run a great site and it is my #1 source for NFL info (along with Jerry McDonald at insidebayarea.com), but PLEASE think before you hit send.
    Yes the Raiders have been terrible and a NFL laughing stock since 2002, but there is ZERO reason to make fun of Robbins…Yes he went AWOL before the Super Bowl and hurt the team, but I would argue Gruden knowing the playbook better than Callahan/Gannon and LT Barry Sims doing a great impression of a STATUE with Simon Rice running round him constantly did more to cause the Raiders to get blown out.
    Robbins had SERIOUS mental issues and almost died before he got help…LAY OFF.

  36. phillyeagleschamps says: Feb 22, 2010 1:23 PM

    Love the Raider posts, keep em coming

  37. Deegizzle says: Feb 22, 2010 1:24 PM

    Sounds like a great idea for a reality to show.

  38. reddog9 says: Feb 22, 2010 1:29 PM

    The only thing worse would be a cruise ship full of Iggles fans!

  39. ILuvOldLadyPorn says: Feb 22, 2010 1:29 PM

    Somebody should really do something about the evergrowing pirate problem in this world.

  40. CapsLockKey says: Feb 22, 2010 1:30 PM

    Any chance they take a detour to Lake Minnetonka?

  41. Laffing Stock says: Feb 22, 2010 1:32 PM

    Any chance we can stick the team, its fans, its owner and anyone that has anything to do with that group of rejects on that boat and make it a one-way cruise, a la Gilligan’s Island?
    Bon voyage Raider losers! Leaving the bay area would be the best thing that ever happened to us non-degenerates!

  42. phillyeagleschamps says: Feb 22, 2010 1:37 PM

    Raiders actually sell out their stadiums about 2-3 times a yr.. sept. oct.
    unlike the Jags who cant even fill half the stadium with 50% off ticket prices.
    The Jags are just not appealing..really.
    So the Raiders get more fans in their stadium than a playoff team in Jacksonville
    More lies and propaganda. Raider fans beat their chest on how great and loyal they are.
    Last year 30 to 35 k for most of the home games.
    In the Number 4 market in the Country the San Francisco Bay Area. Thats pathetic.
    Stop passing the buck and bullying on the Jags. They play in a small market.
    You guys suck and your fans are embarassment to Football Fans. Go find your Chucky Doll and bow to it.

  43. RaiderRedleg says: Feb 22, 2010 1:39 PM

    phillyeagleschamps,
    Champs of what? The NFC LEAST? Wait you couldn’t even do that this year…Sorry, you must still be angry about NOT EVER WINNING A SUPER BOWL.
    My apologizes…Please keep hating on the Raiders.

  44. It puts the lotion on the skin says: Feb 22, 2010 1:50 PM

    # shake&bake says: February 22, 2010 1:09 PM
    I agree with the above comments. Why is this funny ? I don’t get it. Florio i must say this is one of the dumbest things you have ever wrote. You are really stetching it on this one. And when di the last Raider game have only 1500 people? I was actually a little emberassed for you when i read this. What a tool.
    ___________________________________
    Based on your response, I completely understand how you didnt understand….. “you have ever wrote”…..LMFAO.
    And Florio said that 3,000 people was roughly half the average attendance, which means the average attendance was 6,000, not 1,500. If Florio has said 3,000 is roughly double the average attendance, you would correct……so again, thanks for playing, but the adults are talking, and that is why you dont get it. The rest of us, including Florio, are “emberassed” for you, for writing that…..

  45. Gam(e)_is_on says: Feb 22, 2010 1:54 PM

    Excellent – It will give “Off-Da-Marcus” a chance to prove he can hit water on the open ocean.

  46. Junior says: Feb 22, 2010 2:06 PM

    phillyeagleschamps-
    Really? When? I’m sorry your still bitter about XV.
    You mock Raider fans, and your and Eagles fan? That’s funny. Go boo whatever inappropriate thing it is you Eagles fans are booing these days.
    I find it funny that people comment on stereotypes (Florio included). How many Raider fans have you ever met? Did you meet them in jail? Are you their probation officer? Keep basing your opinion on the few people they show on TV Sundays, it shows your ignorance.

  47. realitypolice says: Feb 22, 2010 2:07 PM

    My God, people on this site love to get angry. Lighten up.
    Even if you didn’t like the jokes, you have to admit that the unintentional comedy prospects are off the charts for this cruise.
    Can we agree that Raider fans are rowdy, and that they probably enjoy one or more alcoholic beverages when they are on vacation, without them taking it an insult?
    Can we agree that where there are a bunch of football players on vacation together, there will be groupies?
    You can’t see hilarity ensuing when these 3 groups (fans, players, groupies) are thrown together on a CRUISE SHIP? Life’s too short, people, laugh a little.

  48. Reasonable says: Feb 22, 2010 2:15 PM

    I want to see a photo of Al on the front of the ship, arms spead wide open saying,”I’m king of the world!”

  49. FREE PALESTINE says: Feb 22, 2010 2:18 PM

    What exactly is so funny about a good P.R. and fanfare activity? You know, if the Pats or someone had a cruise you’d be the first to breakout the kneepads.
    It’s also partnered with the Tracy Biletnikoff foundation- you know the Raider great who’s daughter was raped and murdered? Want to trash their foundation too?
    As much as you trash talk reporters who spout off without the facts, you should keep yourself in check too.

  50. Colinito says: Feb 22, 2010 2:20 PM

    get stabbed before you even dock in Mexico

  51. phillyeagleschamps says: Feb 22, 2010 2:31 PM

    My apologizes…Please keep hating on the Raiders.
    Mr Pegleg,
    Not hating, given the Raider fans a dose of truth and medicine.
    The Eagles have not won any SB’S, but as you will notice in your research, The Eagles sellout win or lose.
    We have the true fans. You dont.

  52. buzzbissinger says: Feb 22, 2010 2:44 PM

    “It is nice to see NAMBLA and the Hell’s Angels unite on this cruise.”
    I know it’s a PFT pastime to crack wise and take cheap shots at the Raiders, but NAMBLA? Where’d that come from? You are really reaching, guy.
    PS not funny either.

  53. shake&bake says: Feb 22, 2010 2:45 PM

    Yes i was emberrased for writing 1500 people. After i saw it posted and realized what i did it was pathetic. But now i can say when was the last time a Raider game only had 6000 people there? There that’s better. And it is still one of the dumbest articles i have ever read.

  54. dietrich43 says: Feb 22, 2010 2:51 PM

    Now the Raider’s fans can sink just like the team on the field!

  55. Contra says: Feb 22, 2010 3:12 PM

    CapsLockKey says:
    February 22, 2010 1:30 PM
    Any chance they take a detour to Lake Minnetonka?
    ————
    No they cant a$$hole, its a land locked lake.

  56. The Gipper says: Feb 22, 2010 3:56 PM

    Contra says:
    February 22, 2010 3:12 PM
    CapsLockKey says:
    February 22, 2010 1:30 PM
    Any chance they take a detour to Lake Minnetonka?
    ————
    No they cant a$$hole, its a land locked lake.
    hey smart guy, what lake isnt land locked?

  57. JimmyY says: Feb 22, 2010 3:58 PM

    This is a standard trip going out of LA like every week that for some reason or other has been marketed to Raider fans. Maybe one of the players or coaches are getting an appearance fee to show up for a couple of days then get off in Mexico. Color of money is still green whether its from Raider fan or not.

  58. UCantSpellLoseWithoutDetroitLions says: Feb 22, 2010 4:10 PM

    This just in…..JaMarcus throws spirals overboard, misses ocean.

  59. Onderin says: Feb 22, 2010 4:24 PM

    …how was this funny?

  60. JSpicoli says: Feb 22, 2010 4:26 PM

    Florio , next time you try and
    make a joke, you mouthbreathing fool, have a punch
    line, or a point
    GFY

  61. RaiderRedleg says: Feb 22, 2010 4:38 PM

    phillyeagleschamps says:
    February 22, 2010 2:31 PM
    My apologizes…Please keep hating on the Raiders.
    Mr Pegleg,
    Not hating, given the Raider fans a dose of truth and medicine.
    The Eagles have not won any SB’S, but as you will notice in your research, The Eagles sellout win or lose.
    We have the true fans. You dont.
    __________________________________
    Good comeback with the “Pegleg”! And while selling out Stadiums is great, winning championships is SO MUCH BETTER

  62. Justin says: Feb 22, 2010 5:14 PM

    LOL @ phillyeagleschamps thinking selling out a stadium means you have a better fanbase. Your fans are the most embarrassing aspect to this crappy state that I live in. 75% of the Eagles fanbase thinks the team is chock full of Pro Bowlers and that Andy Reid is one of the best coaches in the league. This is what happens when the fans become delusional and no hope for a ring is in sight with McNabb and Reid together. The Eagles sell out because the fans are too clueless to realize the team is going no where. It’s quite sad, really.
    Nothing a Philly fan could say would bother us right now since 2 of the few measly wins the Raiders managed to produce came against both professional football franchises from this crappy state.

  63. Plunketthead says: Feb 22, 2010 5:19 PM

    A new low for a little man. Reduced to making fun of the mentally ill in order to take a cheap shot at the Raiders.
    Let me now when you grow up

  64. novanative says: Feb 22, 2010 6:16 PM

    lol, the feelings being caught in these comments is funnier than the original post. quit being so sensitive, Raider Nation

  65. 1nationraidernation says: Feb 22, 2010 6:23 PM

    i am sure that PFT is the first one the raiders release info to… This site is getting worse than bspn…What I get a kick out is every other team you post about gets a bout 10 responses. Raiders post always get 30 to 50…keep up the hate, it’s the only way you can exist

  66. RI Raider says: Feb 22, 2010 8:33 PM

    Free Palestine summed it up perfectly. You guys are pathetic….Especially the Eagle fans. You neanderthals would never have any idea what its like to put joking aside and support a good cause. Too busy tonguing Balboa’s balls…..Go Rocco!

  67. FumbleNuts says: Feb 22, 2010 8:48 PM

    Talk about a ship of fools!
    Maybe they will make the Crypt Keeper honorary captain to pilot this heap.
    Then off to Mexico for Margaritas & Senoritas?

  68. comment_submission_error says: Feb 22, 2010 8:51 PM

    Mike says:
    Alcatraz.
    Come to a game and say that. The 37 fans in attendance will make you famous.

  69. Big Tex says: Feb 22, 2010 8:54 PM

    You’re right 1nation, the Raiders’stories always attract attention just like a massive trainwreck attracts attention.
    As to the attendance questions, Raiders were dead last in the league in home attendance and have blackout over half their games since they moved back from LA. 1nationabsentnation

  70. Justin says: Feb 23, 2010 2:22 AM

    An Eagles fan is talking crap about Super Bowl performances? Now I’ve seen everything. LMAO @ this clown. Luckily for you, baseball is starting soon so you actually have a respectable franchise to cheer for.

  71. 1nationraidernation says: Feb 23, 2010 1:37 PM

    big tex still popping off….let me see your are 5’6 but wear 4 inch cowboy boots, and big cowboy hat that makes you look 6’2 ,and you drive a ford super duty 4×4 thats all raised up with big ol tires in flat ol’ texas…and your license plate says “BIG TEX” and the frame says ” How about em cowboys”

  72. buzzbissinger says: Feb 23, 2010 3:18 PM

    {big tex still popping off….let me see your are 5’6 but wear 4 inch cowboy boots, and big cowboy hat that makes you look 6’2 ,and you drive a ford super duty 4×4 thats all raised up with big ol tires in flat ol’ texas…and your license plate says “BIG TEX” and the frame says ” How about em cowboys”}
    That’s so funny it deserved to be posted twice.

  73. Big Tex says: Feb 23, 2010 5:33 PM

    Interesting that Mr. raidernation issues personal attacks rather than dealing with the real source of his anger, the fact that the Raiders ARE dead last in attendance league wide and that over half of the Raiders games HAVE been blacked out since the Raiders moved back from LA.
    Too scared to deal with the truth so just make up whatever you want , right?

  74. RaiderRedleg says: Feb 24, 2010 6:54 AM

    Big Tex says:
    February 23, 2010 5:33 PM
    Interesting that Mr. raidernation issues personal attacks rather than dealing with the real source of his anger, the fact that the Raiders ARE dead last in attendance league wide and that over half of the Raiders games HAVE been blacked out since the Raiders moved back from LA.
    Too scared to deal with the truth so just make up whatever you want , right?
    ___________________________________
    YEP WE ARE SCARED OF A SMART GUY LIKE YOURSELF…WHEN YOU HAVE SOME SPARE MENTAL TIME MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE PRESIDENT YOUR IDEAS ON HOW TO FIX HEALTH CARE…I AM SURE HE WOULD VALUE YOUR OPINION AS MUCH AS THE REST OF US THAT HAVE TO ENDURE YOUR POSTS

  75. Big Tex says: Feb 24, 2010 7:57 AM

    There’s a button on your computer that says “caps lock”. You can push that button again and all your posts won’t be capitalized. Just trying to help. Sorry, can’t do anything about the Raiders and their seven years of double digit losses.

  76. RaiderRedleg says: Feb 24, 2010 8:17 AM

    Big Tex says:
    February 24, 2010 7:57 AM
    There’s a button on your computer that says “caps lock”. You can push that button again and all your posts won’t be capitalized. Just trying to help. Sorry, can’t do anything about the Raiders and their seven years of double digit losses.
    __________________________________
    Another day, another insightful post by Big Tex…Thanks for the hint on the caps lock…WE ARE NOT WORTHY…Please feel free to submit ANOTHER LAME POST so you can have the honor of having the last post on a Raider topic AGAIN.

  77. The Real Shuxion says: Feb 24, 2010 10:49 AM

    The pacific Ocean will have a 25% increase in urine content and a 39% increase in Fecal content.

  78. Quasimofo says: Feb 24, 2010 12:31 PM

    Let us all pray a wayward iceberg finds it’s way to the Southern California/Mexican Coast.

  79. Lott42 says: Feb 25, 2010 1:37 AM

    Florio, that’s classic…LMAO!

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