With a lid finally being placed on quarterback Kurt Warner’s NFL career, the likely Hall of Famer could see his life story turned into a film.
Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch recently reported that Warner has been approached by a producer regarding the possibility.
And it makes sense. The success of The Blind Side will cause similar real-life football stories to receive consideration for silver-screen treatment, and Warner’s rags-to-riches-to-rags-to-riches roller-coaster ride would fit nicely with the formula that we often see in such efforts.
Miklasz also made some partially tongue-in-cheek predictions as to possible casting decisions, so allow us to do the same.
Pre-2000 Warner would be played by Ashton Kutcher, if he’s willing to gain like 40 pounds. Late-career Warner would be played by Jack Nicholson.
Late-career Brenda Warner would be played by Kate Hudson. Pre-2000 Brenda Warner would be played by Meryl Streep.
Dick Vermeil would play himself, given his Oscar-level ability to cry on cue. Marty Feldman would play Mike Martz.
Oh, wait. Marty Feldman is dead. Well, they could just use some old footage from Young Frankenstein.
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I was thinking pre-2000 Brenda Warner could be played by Edward Norton.
I thought you said you wouldn’t be posting April Fools Jokes.
I don’t know if that is a dig on Kate Hudson or Brenda Warner. lol
Pre-2000 Brenda Warner would definitely be played by Ma’am from Webster.
Florio, now that your tongue is in cheek: bite down hard because you are not funny.
Pre-2000 Brenda Warner – Cloris Leachman
Spare me. This will never get off the ground.
Next thing you know, they will make a movie about a bartender that made a pro team for 3 years.
Pre-2000 Warner would be played by Ashton Kutcher, if he’s willing to gain like 40 pounds. Late-career Warner would be played by Jack Nicholson.
Late-career Brenda Warner would be played by Kate Hudson. Pre-2000 Brenda Warner would be played by Meryl Streep.
Florio,
I have been reading your nonsense articles for quite some time. This is one of the funniest things you have ever written.
Cheers
Mike Florio could do a cameo as a fellow aging grocery stocker/owner of an upstart football website who questions Warner’s commitment and motivations. HAHAHA!
Why not get Errol Flynn to play him? Even though he’s been dead 50 years he’s still more animated and interesting.
This has straight-to-video scribbled all over it. If it’s put into general release, it’ll be the biggest bomb since Nagasaki.
I would pay to see Jack Nicholson play Kurt Warner. Definitely.
@ umcouldbe says:
March 30, 2010 8:59 AM
Florio, now that your tongue is in cheek: bite down hard because you are not funny.
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agreed.
Who will play Jesus? I think Tim Tebow should at least get to read for that part.
To call you retarded would be giving those with legitimate mental restrictions a bad name. You’re just plain pathetic.
Pre-2000 Kurt Warner: Wesley Snipes.
Late career Kurt Warner: Garrett Morris.
Brenda Warner Pre-2000 & late career: Olivia D’Abo, the only good thing about The Wonder Years and great in Conan the Destroyer.
Pink could play his wife in those early years.
Florio can be played by Gilbert Gottfried
Pre 2000 Brenda Warner will be played by Zuul from Ghostbusters.
The anti-Warner football writer (Florio) could be played by Kevin Spacey…complete with the scene where he is lifting weights in the garage naked.
Warner is nothing more than an overrated Christian, sissy-@$$, Bible thumper that thinks “GOD” has something to do with anything.
Florio knows I’m the best thing going on this site. I bring em in, Mike…and, you know it. Ban me. I dare you.
The guy who plays Jack on LOST looks just like him.
Kurt Warner would only agree to this if it was done with taste and to his standards involving Christians (not that there is anything wrong with that). With that being said, Brenda will be played by Kirk Cameron.
PRE-2000 Brenda Warner = Guy Fieri
http://www.parade.com/export/sites/default/images/-v4/health-and-food/slideshows/road-food/guy-fieri.jpg
Chris Rock and Queen Latifa HAVE to play the voices of something in this movie. Maybe Warner’s subconcious
# toothpick says: March 30, 2010 9:26 AM
Florio can be played by Gilbert Gottfried
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I lolled!
I can’t believe no one has said the early brenda could be played by Susan ” stop the insanity ” Powter.
Do we really need to hear this story again? We all know about it as it was shoved into our faces 24/7 when he was with the Rams. Lets not give him another forum to tell everyone how to think re: religion. this guy is ten times worse than Tim Tebow when it comes to wearing his religion on his sleeve. Take your annoying wife and go away already!
Ok guys. I’ll let you all off the hook. I’m not going to post like this anymore. I’m really Chapnasty using another username. I’m a Cowboys fan and just posed as this Steeler-loving lunatic to make the Steelers fan base look even worse than they do already.
You have to admit, I had you all going. Joke’s on you. Ha. So, now, I will go back to posting as Chapnasty again.
Don’t quit your day job Florio. Oh wait, you already did that.
BigMikey says:
March 30, 2010 9:06 AM
Mike Florio could do a cameo as a fellow aging grocery stocker/owner of an upstart football website who questions Warner’s commitment and motivations. HAHAHA!
best comment so far
florio and the rest of you nitwits would play the non-believers
123456789 , is that you OCHO?
I’d watch the movie just to see him lose to the Pats in 01 again.
Pre-2000 Brenda Warner would be played by Meryl Streep.
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Glenn Close anyone?
Brenda Warner should be played by Anne Heche.
I think pre-2000 Brenda Warner should be played by Clint Eastwood, then I agree with the Kate Hudson approach….
Can Betty White be included in this somewhere? She’s HOT.
I’m thinkin Ricky Martin would play a helluva Kurt Warner and they should get Ellen Degeneres or Melissa Etheridge to play his wife… Regis Philbin for Dick Vermeil and I would give the fat kid from “SuperBad” the nod to play Mike Martz…. GO RAIDERS GET MCNABBY JUST WIN BABY – Submitted by a 6’5” 220pnd Norwegian Northern Californian YADIDIMEEEEAN
They could make this movie a lot like The Rookie with Dennis Quaid, but the better chance of box-office success would involve making it as stupid and ridiculous as possible and then slapping Tyler Perry’s name at the front of the title.
Scott Baio (Chachi) has to play Kurt and Joyce Meyer (televangelist – look her up) could play Brenda.
Who will play his scrambled brain?
I small an after-school special at best.
“chickenragnar says:
March 30, 2010 9:03 AM
Spare me. This will never get off the ground.
Next thing you know, they will make a movie about a bartender that made a pro team for 3 years.
”
I’m sure they it would do fine. It’s a nice story and most women would drag their SOs to it.
Sure, we’d rather watch something like The Hangover but there are other people out there that actually like a nice storyline every now and then.
“medic406 says:
March 30, 2010 9:34 AM
Kurt Warner would only agree to this if it was done with taste and to his standards involving Christians (not that there is anything wrong with that). With that being said, Brenda will be played by Kirk Cameron.”
I was coming in here to make a Kirk Cameron joke.
Now I won’t even bother. Well done sir. Weeeeelllll done.
Pete Wentz would play Matt Leinart.
I’m sorry to make it serious here, but how does Billy Bob Thornton NOT play Kurt Warner?
Morgan Freeman will narrorate.
Billy Bob, or Dennis Quaid.
Meg Ryan or Marg Helgenberger
Kate Hudson? Are you sure you didn’t mean Rock Hudson?
The movie’s title: “Paper or Plastic … or Pigskin”
Alternate title: “Quarterback of the Futurama”
Cast:
Kurt Warner ….. Crispin Glover
Mike Martz ….. Joe Pesci
Dick Vermeil ….. Jack Nicholson
Brenda Warner ….. Jenna Jameson
Marshall Faulk ….. Wesley Snipes
Movie Title:
Cashier to Quarterback;
The Story of Kurt Warner
- The humble Uncle Buck the Bumble
Directer: Clint Eastwood
Kurt Warner: Ricky Martin & Clint Eastwood
Brenda Warner: Ellen Degeneres & Melissa Etheridge
Warner’s Kids: Wee-Man, Mini Me, Dakota Fanning & Gary Coleman
Leinart: Tom Cruise
Larry Fitzgerald: Lil’ John
Boldin: Cuba Gooding Jr.
Edgerin James: Lil’ John
Eli Manning: Corky from Life Goes On
Marshall Faulk: Would play himself because Marshall Faulk can still bring it
Torry Holt: Morgan Freeman
Mike Martz: John Candy or Chris Farley
Dick Vermeil: Tim Allen, but he’d have to have a running joke during the movie where Tim Allen makes that gorilla noise off of Home Improvement….. an I’m gone….. Yadidimeeeeean mayyyn ……. GO RAIDER’S…… YEEEEEEEE