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Why Chad Ochocinco is like birth control

The following quote really needs no introduction:

“I’m dependable like birth control, 99.9 percent of the time,” Chad Ochocinco said Tuesday.

And with that, the reality show magnate announced his arrival at mandatory minicamp after missing 100% of the voluntary practices during the offseason.

Ochocinco backed up his words on the field, catching two 45-yard passes from Carson Palmer.

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42 Responses to “Why Chad Ochocinco is like birth control”
  1. Citizen Strange says: Jun 15, 2010 2:45 PM

    When it comes to the playoffs Ochocinco is like the Rhythm Method. COME ON!

  2. JoeMcRugby says: Jun 15, 2010 2:47 PM

    Get Ochocinco in touch with Antonio Cromartie ASAP!!

  3. DeBoe says: Jun 15, 2010 2:51 PM

    After reading crap like this, the only thing I have to say is “I am really really proud to be an American.”

  4. The Real Shuxion says: Jun 15, 2010 2:54 PM

    Better than being dependable like a condom and breaking your leg 70% of the time.
    Well Travis Henry’s condoms.

  5. EverybodyGotAIDS says: Jun 15, 2010 2:59 PM

    Why Chad Ochocinco is like birth control
    _____________
    It’s because it’s impossible to sustain an erection if you see his picture. Like the anti-viagra. I keep one in my wallet just incase I have an important meeting and don’t want to have a UE.

  6. SBH says: Jun 15, 2010 3:00 PM

    Chad will draw defenders, get his 70 and 1000. He will open things up for Bryant and the others. I don’t know why there is so much hate for him! Division champs last year, and they will only be better this time around. Look out AFCN! Who Dey!?!?!?

  7. Phlyin reallll high says: Jun 15, 2010 3:03 PM

    He’s certainly no villain or anything…but is Chad scared he won’t be in the spotlight if he doesn’t keep flappin his jaws at all times? Dumb question?

  8. JoeSixPack says: Jun 15, 2010 3:08 PM

    As we speak TMZ has 30 reporters trying to uncover evidence that Ochocinco himself – and/or his kids – are the product of failed birth control.

  9. Hooby says: Jun 15, 2010 3:10 PM

    not to mention the 100% of playoff games hes lost in his career

  10. CurseofBoJackson says: Jun 15, 2010 3:13 PM

    Cue haters……now
    Love it, guy’s gonna have a monster year, all this whining about OTA’s and reality shows will be wasted breath. Monster year barring injury, mark it.

  11. WhoDeySood5 says: Jun 15, 2010 3:25 PM

    can’t wait for him to have an amazing year and shut up all the haters out there

  12. js136202 says: Jun 15, 2010 4:01 PM

    Ocho Cinco is the same thing he’s been for the last 2 years, a good (NOT great) WR who stacks his stats when he’s playing crap opponents and cannot win games. He can be taken out of a game, as Derelle Revis showed us in consecutive weeks.
    His antics are extremely annoying. He ran out of creativity like 5 years ago. The act is tired.

  13. BleedingSilverAndBlack says: Jun 15, 2010 4:11 PM

    Chad O. is like the withdraw method.

  14. Otto Graham says: Jun 15, 2010 4:14 PM

    Chad Ochocinco is the reason why his parents should have used birth control.

  15. UG says: Jun 15, 2010 4:14 PM

    I’m not an Ochocinco hater. In fact I think he’s a good player. I also think he would be even better if he concentrated on Football instead of constantly being in the spotlight. I hope his ego can handle it when his talents fade and the spotlight is on him because of it.
    GO RAIDERS

  16. ☻☼CBS, FOX, ESPN, NFLN nbc says: Jun 15, 2010 4:17 PM

    Except during playoff time.
    Then He’s MIA

  17. prophet of the light says: Jun 15, 2010 4:22 PM

    More like a condom. 70% of the time and full of semen afterwards.

  18. downwithdansnyder says: Jun 15, 2010 4:23 PM

    Yeh, but that .1% REALLY sucks…

  19. Nambla Limbaugh says: Jun 15, 2010 4:23 PM

    Ben Rapistberger thinks Ocho is immature and needs to grow up.

  20. jerseypatriot says: Jun 15, 2010 4:26 PM

    Sorry Chad,
    Birth control is only 90% effective,
    and much less than that for preventing STD’s.

  21. CD_Ridge says: Jun 15, 2010 4:28 PM

    Because you get screwed with no results?

  22. steelersmichele says: Jun 15, 2010 4:28 PM

    I like the guy. Always smiling, saying funny things, and besides his “harmless” fines, has stayed out of trouble on and off the field.
    I’d love to have his personality in my team’s locker room.

  23. Qoojo says: Jun 15, 2010 4:35 PM

    I thought it was a funny comment.

  24. CommanderShepard says: Jun 15, 2010 4:39 PM

    “I’m like abstinence because I’m 100% effective”

  25. Bungles&Squeelers says: Jun 15, 2010 4:39 PM

    @js136202
    crap opponents?? like who? You mean arguably the best division in football, if not the best, 6 times a year? Add to it they have the 4th or 5th hardest schedule this year. And by cannot win games you mean the 10 the team won last year and the division sweep?
    Darrelle (not Derelle) Revis takes every big name reciever out of games, thats why he is you know the BEST CORNER IN THE GAME, dummy. See what Randy Moss, Steve Smith, Vincent Jackson, Colston etc.. all did against him and i’m sure your regard that group as GREAT recievers.

  26. MotorCityKitties says: Jun 15, 2010 4:47 PM

    Oh that quarkey Chad ocho cinco!, let’s hang on to his every word, dance chad, look at me, pay attention to me, me, me, me, gotta love him, yak

  27. BigMikeSkinsFan says: Jun 15, 2010 4:57 PM

    steelersmichele says:
    June 15, 2010 4:28 PM
    I like the guy. Always smiling, saying funny things, and besides his “harmless” fines, has stayed out of trouble on and off the field.
    I’d love to have his personality in my team’s locker room.
    _____________________________
    well said.

  28. ArtModellsPimp says: Jun 15, 2010 5:11 PM

    Ochocinco…
    Doesn’t that mean “limp dick” in Espanol?

  29. CurseofBoJackson says: Jun 15, 2010 5:21 PM

    The douches never fail to disappoint do they? Good show guys, now back to your cartoon network and fruit snacks!

  30. WhoDeySood5 says: Jun 15, 2010 5:26 PM

    nah, i think it means division sweep

  31. RUGGERLAD says: Jun 15, 2010 5:45 PM

    I disagree, he is not at all like birth control. Birth control is 99.9% affective while Chad Ochocinco’s brain is hovers around 13% affective on a good day.

  32. enders says: Jun 15, 2010 5:53 PM

    # EverybodyGotAIDS says: June 15, 2010 2:59 PM
    Why Chad Ochocinco is like birth control
    _____________
    It’s because it’s impossible to sustain an erection if you see his picture. Like the anti-viagra. I keep one in my wallet just incase I have an important meeting and don’t want to have a UE.
    ——————–
    I can’t tell if you’re trying to be funny or what, but that was pretty homo.

  33. scoop.and.slam says: Jun 15, 2010 6:07 PM

    Really?

  34. sequtugh says: Jun 15, 2010 6:26 PM

    steelersmichele says:
    June 15, 2010 4:28 PM
    I like the guy. Always smiling, saying funny things, and besides his “harmless” fines, has stayed out of trouble on and off the field.
    I’d love to have his personality in my team’s locker room.
    ——————————————-
    Nah, besides the birth control comments, he has a tendancy to pull out during playoff games …………………

  35. spudz says: Jun 15, 2010 7:13 PM

    WOW…he caught two passes!!
    Way to go Chad!

  36. Byrd Is The Word says: Jun 15, 2010 7:45 PM

    How can anyone hate OC? Guy stays out of trouble, and always entertains.

  37. CincyAllDaWay says: Jun 15, 2010 7:46 PM

    Oh the haters are out in force. All of you dicks are so jealous of this man. You all hate to see Chad do good on or off the field. It has to be jealousy. What is it to any of you douche bags what this guy does on or off the field. It’s obvious you are all fans of teams who constantly double team him and who consistently get burned by him. Don’t hate him because he’s better than you or your team. And please, don’t go away mad, just…go away! LMFAO at you losers!

  38. HC says: Jun 15, 2010 8:20 PM

    Interesting that the unmarried guy with four children from multiple partners is joking around about birth control.

  39. dustyschmidt22 says: Jun 15, 2010 9:43 PM

    lol at the chad haters
    i’ll just sit back and wait while he does what he always does…and thats being one of the top 5 receivers in the conference while gladly letting you know about it. talk all the trash you want, he led the AFC in receiving more consecutive years than the great one jerry rice led his. im not saying hes better than jerry rice, just making the point that those who act like chad is mediocre at best are just kinda ignorant.
    i’ll be the first to say he didnt perform like he needed to in the playoffs this year, but there are 10 other players on the field as well, and i dont remember them being great either.

  40. HC says: Jun 16, 2010 5:36 AM

    Bungles&Squeelers:
    AFC North is not the toughest division to play in, though fans of those teams are under the misconception that it is for some reason. The best division in the NFL is actually the AFC South. They had the best record of all eight divisions last year, and have had the best record in two of the last three seasons. Since the NFL went to eight divisions in 2002 the AFCS has the best overall record, the most years with an overall winning record (6), and the fewest years with an overall losing record (1).
    By contrast the AFC North is just fifth overall since 2002, has never had the best overall record since then, and has not once had a season in which they had the best overall record in the NFL. Last season the AFCN was tied for third best with a 33-31 record; the AFCS was best at 38-26.

  41. BengalsDouche2 says: Jun 16, 2010 9:38 AM

    js136202- I’m so tired of hearing about Revis shutting him down. Yes Revis shut him down. Yes Revis shut down just about everyone he faced. Yet Chad still had a 1000+ yd and 70+catch year with a QB that was struggling and the fact that he was shut down for 2 games by Revis. No he is not the best receiver in the league. Far from it actually. But any fool on this site would be pitching a tent if their team signed him. You all are just hating b/c he’s with us and that he’s still going to have a good year this year. He’s going to be an attention getter this year while Bryant, Gresham, Shipley and Caldwell make the catches.

  42. JohnnyU says: Jun 16, 2010 2:07 PM

    Warning: Never try to reason with a Ravens fan. They are like a suicide bomber they just don want to blow you up and they don’t have a problem killing their own credibility in the process.
    I just read that on another site. It makes a lot of sense.

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