Chris Johnson wins first ESPY of the night

We had no intention of watching the ESPYs tonight, but then we realized something.

Nothing else is on.

And it’s actually not bad, so far.  Host Seth Myers’ monologue essentially amounted to an extended version of Weekend Update while standing, with a couple of shots at Vikings quarterback Brett Favre (he didn’t appear to be amused), and the following slap at Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, which frankly shouldn’t have drawn laughter from Tim if he’s as passionate about his religious convictions as he claims:  “Tim’s jersey is already one of the top selling jerseys in the NFL.  I heard that and thought, ‘Jesus, who does this guy know?  Oh right, Jesus.'”

(We’re aware of no joke exception to the whole “thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain” thing.  If there is one, let us know.  We’ve been leaving a lot of potential material on the shelf.)

Then, the first made-up award of the night was awarded, for Best Breakthrough Player.  The winner?  Titans running back Chris Johnson.

“You know, it’s an honor to me,” Johnson said after winning the award.  “First of all, I want to thank God, most of all.  Without Him it wouldn’t be possible.  I want to thank all the fans who voted for me, I want to thank all my friends and family.  I want to thank Ustream and I want to thank Twitter most of all.  And if you got a Twitter, follow me at ChrisJohnson28.”

It didn’t exactly conjure memories of Jack Palance or Cuba Gooding, but they also didn’t have a grill in their mouths.

49 responses to “Chris Johnson wins first ESPY of the night

  1. Florio – how pathetic are you to be watching the ESPY’s ???
    Did you lose a bet or something ?

  2. God I wish Twitter would just go away. Like athletes needed another reason to have their egos stroked. “I can’t wait to see what Joe Jagoff has to Tweet about!!!”

  3. God Florio, you just take any chance you can to take a dig at the “competition”, right?

  4. Golly. I guess devout Christians aren’t allowed to laugh or smile at an ESPN AWARDS SHOW.
    You just can’t stand that he might actually be a decent, christian guy.

  5. Religion is fine and all, but alot of football players take it too far. God didn’t score that TD for them.

  6. omg did anyone hear Tim Tebow and Vince Young they bot sound like the took the short bus to school

  7. No..No one take this awards show seriously..but neither do they take the MTV kids choice awards but yet Florio seems to love to talk about that show to..

  8. ESPN lame self promoting award show. Who in the f cares? I am not a florio basher but this must be am altime low.
    Bad company (1970) is on flixs, Pretty good movie.

  9. I wish God would put some of Chris Johnson’s skill into the bodies of my Cleveland Browns RB’s.

  10. As Adrian Peterson knows, you’re nothing in this league as a running back without good blocking.
    Nice job Johnson on thanking your o-line.

  11. i don’t like tebow either florio, but what is your reasoning behind your jab that he shouldn’t have laughed at the jesus joke? have you ever laughed at a lawyer joke? how about a west virginia incest joke? if you have than you’re a hypocrite. if you haven’t than i pity you.

  12. Florio I think that “taking the Lords’s name in vain.” is widley misinterpreted. It’s easy to say yeah don’t say, Jesus or God with a negative connotation. I think however that it means, don’t say you are a Christian and not act like one. As in don’t take on the name of the Lord in vain. So yeah it’s probably not good to use God’s name as a curse but I think people are largely missing the point of the commandment.

  13. I guess you don’t get the concept of “Religion” CanadianVikingsFan.
    It’s something you TRULY believe in and base your life on. And Christians believe that God made them, gave them everything, including opportunities and abilities. No such thing as “taking it too far” unless (Like you apparently) you don’t think it really means anything to begin with.
    They aren’t saying God “scored a touchdown.” Geez.
    They are trying to provide a witness to their belief in their religion.
    But you’re from Canada. Your religion is Hockey, right? 🙂

  14. God damn Chris Johnson sounds like he’s retarded. Dosn’t even sound like he has a highschool education

  15. Not watching and won’t watch, but the question arises, who’s Seth Meyers??? Must be a comic, but I never heard of him till I read this column.

  16. Did ESPN give itself the espy for best sports reporting? Or best non-matching eyeball combination (Stuart Scott)?

  17. How about thanking your offensive line, fullback, TE, Vince Young and the Titans Organization? Can’t run when there ain’t no holes to go through.

  18. Do not use the Lord’s name in vain means “do not swear by God and then lie. That diminishes the Lords value. In other words, “Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” Witness responds, “I do.” then lies. Or, person knowingly buys stolen goods and gets caught with them in his car and proclaims, “I swear to God, I didn’t know they were stolen.” Therefore, there was no use of the Lord’s name in vain in the comment mentioned.

  19. # TrueFan says: July 14, 2010 10:25 PM
    I guess you don’t get the concept of “Religion” CanadianVikingsFan.
    It’s something you TRULY believe in and base your life on. And Christians believe that God made them, gave them everything, including opportunities and abilities. No such thing as “taking it too far” unless (Like you apparently) you don’t think it really means anything to begin with.
    They aren’t saying God “scored a touchdown.” Geez.
    They are trying to provide a witness to their belief in their religion.
    But you’re from Canada. Your religion is Hockey, right? 🙂
    ————————–
    You forget – we socialist tree huggers of the north, aren’t too big on fantasy reading.
    Stephen Hawking…now we’re talking.
    I know 80 years of life out of 4.6 billion years seems like a drop in the bucket – but it is, what it is.

  20. Upon receiving his ESPY, Johnson replied ” fo shizzle, fizzle flazzle, beep boop…. Thank you” …. Then left the stage

  21. is there no end to your tebow bashing florio? what because he does not hide his beliefs he is not aloud to have a sense of humor?and how is saying the name jesus taking the lord’s name in vain excatly?

  22. what you did not show up to accept your award for best internet hack posing as a journalist award?

  23. Amazing how people will look for a way to spin everything Tebow does into something negative.
    And the thought that Florio has any room at all to judge him is laughable at best…

  24. WOW jaydee327!
    Fantastic post!
    I was going to criticize ESPN, & Florio for posting about it, but no way I can top that.

  25. “We’re aware of no joke exception to the whole “thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain” thing. If there is one, let us know.”
    Seriously? Ok, so it’s a baseball joke, but here goes:
    Q: What do Billy Graham and Billy Buckner have in common?
    A: They are the only two people who can get an entire stadium of people to jump out of their seats, throw their hands in the air, and scream “Jesus Christ!”

  26. I watched the replay at 1am or something…anyway Ed Thomas’ family was presented the Arthur Ashe award. That piece is a MUST WATCH!!! Do yourself a favor and watch it.

  27. Florio, I understand the whole Matthew 6 thing you keep harping on, but in the spirit of non-hypocrisy perhaps you should look into 1 Corithians 4:5

  28. SNL hasn’t been funny in years. Why this idiot got to host is beyond me another indication of why not to watch this crap that ESPN has spewed. What did Landon Donovan win? Must have been biggest Cherry Picker goal and falling beyond short of winning a championship.

  29. Most athletes are pathetic. Please learn how to speak. You make yourselves looks like freaking morons. It chaps my ass to hear you know what I mean or you know what i’m saying every two god damn words. Get a 5th grade education PLEASE!!!

  30. Never actually watched the ESPY’s. Never plan to, if Jay Marriotti recommends it, then stay the F away.

  31. ‘Jesus, who does this guy know? Oh right, Jesus.'”
    (We’re aware of no joke exception to the whole “thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain” thing. If there is one, let us know. We’ve been leaving a lot of potential material on the shelf.)
    lol. Such a nice Italian/Catholic boy. Thou shalt not stoop to lower levels in the hope of being funny.
    …ooooops…wait…

  32. I’m no biblical scholar, but the ten commandments are from the Old Testament. Jesus made a name for himself in the New Testament. Therefore, from an “old school” perspective, Jesus is not the Lord and thus no “Lord’s name in vein” etiquette was breached.
    No word yet from the Lord on the rampant breach of commandment number four– “Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy.” I suppose Tebow can only play on Thursday and Monday nights.

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