Week Four is in the books, so our Week Four power rankings are fresh off the presses.
Come to think of it, does anyone uses presses anymore?
Either way, here they are. Press your nose against the monitor to see if you can smell the ink.
New York Jets (No. 2 last week; 3-1): I have come to two conclusions
since Sunday: (1) Rex Ryan was right; and (2) crow doesn’t taste like chicken, but like crow.
Baltimore Ravens (No. 4; 3-1): Yeah, the Jets and Ravens have the same
record. Yeah, the Ravens beat the Jets by a point. But if there were a
rematch today, it wouldn’t be that close — and the Ravens wouldn’t
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (No. 1; 3-1): They’ll be in the top two again soon enough.
4. Atlanta Falcons (No. 6; 3-1):The Dirty Birds are winning ugly, and winning ugly is still winning.
New Orleans Saints (No. 7; 3-1): At a base salary of $8 million, Reggie Bush is proving his worth by not playing.
Green Bay Packers (No. 9; 3-1): That all-pass attack will work really well once the weather turns.
Houston Texans (No. 14; 3-1): Maybe Arian Foster should be benched more often.
New England Patriots
(No. 10; 3-1): Things get very interesting after the bye, with five of
the next six against the Ravens, Chargers, Vikings, Steelers, and Colts.
9. Indianapolis Colts (No. 3; 2-2): It’s hard to win the division if you can’t win games in the division.
Kansas City Chiefs (No. 11; 3-0): If you picked the Chiefs to be the
last undefeated team in the NFL, we’d like to take you to Las Vegas and
buy you a suit with a white shirt buttoned all the way to the collar and
Tennessee Titans (No. 5; 2-2): The Titans are becoming today’s version
of the 1970s Raiders without, you know, winning a bunch of games.
Chicago Bears (No. 8; 3-1): Just as the Packers learned that they
couldn’t beat the Bears by having more penalties than points, the Bears
have learned that scoring fewer points than sacks allowed isn’t the best
path to victory.
13. Minnesota Vikings
(No. 16; 1-2): A year after Brett Favre stuck it to his old team, his more recent old team is getting ready to stick it to him.
14. Dallas Cowboys (No. 19; 1-2): Gloom-and-doom has given way to a one-half game deficit for the lead in the NFC East.
Miami Dolphins (No. 13; 2-2): After losing back-to-back homes games
against the Jets and the Patriots, it’s nearly time to declare the
Dolphins dead in the water.
York Giants (No. 20; 2-2): Even better than the win was the ability of
Tiki Barber to upstage Donovan McNabb in the booing department.
17. St. Louis Rams (No. 21; 2-2): After winning three games in two years, the Rams have somehow won two in eight days.
San Diego Chargers (No. 18; 2-2): Get back to us when you beat an actual NFL team.
Washington Redskins (No. 22; 2-2): Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett
finally found a way to beat Mike Vick — by breaking him.
Philadelphia Eagles (No. 15; 2-2): So if Kevin Kolb plays really
well when Mike Vick is out, will coach Andy Reid say that Vick is still
the starter and then two days later give the job back to Kolb?
Cincinnati Bengals (No. 12; 2-2): We have a feeling that T.O. would prefer a 200-yard day to winning the game.
Jacksonville Jaguars (No. 23; 2-2): If the Jags can keep playing like
this, the tarps can be used to keep rain off the people standing in
line to buy tickets.
23. Denver Broncos (No. 24; 2-2): This team still hasn’t won six total games since starting 2009 at 6-0.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (No. 26; 2-1): If they can steal a win at Cincy,
the Bucs would still be alive in a top-heavy NFC South.
Seattle Seahawks (No. 17; 2-2): The team that can’t win on the road
and can’t lose at home is a team that could go 8-8 and win the division.
Cleveland Browns (No. 31; 1-3): That win over Cincy could have saved Eric Mangini’s job, at least until January.
Arizona Cardinals (No. 25; 2-2): Maybe the Cardinals should use Larry
Fitzgerald at quarterback; if nothing else, it would make Fitzgerald slightly less
inclined to complain about the quarterback.
Oakland Raiders (No. 27; 1-3): Tom Cable is starting to get that look
of a guy who knows he’s soon going to be suing for his buyout.
San Francisco 49ers (No. 28; 0-4): The 49ers could be the best 0-4 team in NFL history.
30. Detroit Lions (No. 29; 0-4): The Lions could be the second best 0-4 team in NFL history.
Carolina Panthers (No. 30; 0-4): The Panthers definitely aren’t the third-best 0-4 team in NFL history.
Buffalo Bills (No. 32; 0-4): If getting benched means getting cut, there are 22 guys right now who’d love to get benched.