1. Packers (No. 1; 6-0): Brett Favre will be surprised at how long the cork stays in the champagne bottle of the ’72 Dolphins.
2. Ravens (No. 6; 4-1): They might be the only team that can beat the Pats in the playoffs, and that can stay within 20 of the Packers in the Super Bowl.
3. Patriots (No. 5; 5-1): It’s hard to tell whether the bigger indignity would be to cut Chad Ochocinco, or to keep him and not use him.
4. 49ers (No. 7; 5-1): “Hacksaw” Jim Harbaugh should dispense with the post-game handshake and go with a simple thumb’s up.
5. Lions (No. 3; 5-1): If Jim Schwartz ever gets fired by the Lions, Pete Carroll would surely hire him.
6. Raiders (No. 9; 4-2): The only thing that would make this story better is an instant impact from Terelle Pryor.
7. Chargers (No. 8; 4-1): The bye was only a slightly weaker opponent than most of San Diego’s first five foes.
8. Buccaneers (No. 15; 4-2): Raheem Morris should get coach of the year votes for getting that 48-3 taste out of his team’s mouth so quickly.
9. Saints (No. 2; 4-2): Bill Belichick would list Sean Payton as probable on the injury report.
10. Giants (No. 13; 4-2): It was fitting that the rematch of Super Bowl XXV was decided by a field goal.
11. Steelers (No. 11; 4-2): With upcoming games in back-to-back weeks against the Patriots and Ravens, we’re about to learn a lot about this team.
12. Bengals (No. 14; 4-2): The best team no one is paying attention to needs to beat the Ravens or Steelers before anyone will notice.
13. Bills (No. 4; 4-2): If the Bills want to be elite, they need to find a way to beat good teams on the road.
14. Bears (No. 17; 3-3): Lovie Smith should shake things up like that every week.
15. Texans (No. 10; 3-3): Those three losses will be largely forgotten if they can beat the Titans on Sunday.
16. Titans (No. 16; 3-2): Those three victories will be largely forgotten if they can’t beat the Texans on Sunday.
17. Redskins (No. 12; 3-2): John Beck won’t need a name tag on his shirt much longer.
18. Falcons (No. 18; 3-3): If the Falcons really focus and apply themselves, they can win the privilege of getting blown out at Lambeau Field in the playoffs.
19. Jets (No. 20; 3-3): The Jets could have beaten maybe three or four teams last night. Fortunately, they played one of them.
20. Cowboys (No. 19; 2-3): If you aren’t going to trust Tony Romo in the clutch, why is Tony Romo your quarterback?
21. Eagles (No. 23; 2-4): A Vince Young interception has been approved by the FDA as treatment for a concussion.
22. Seahawks (No. 22; 2-3): The good news? Tarvaris Jackson could play this weekend. The bad news? Tarvaris Jackson could play this weekend.
23. Panthers (No. 21; 1-5): The silver lining in this year’s 1-5 record is that the Panthers could ending getting one of the best defensive players in the 2012 draft pool.
24. Browns (No. 24; 2-3): At least the Madden Curse is striking in some new and creative ways.
25. Chiefs (No. 25; 2-3): Todd Haley likely didn’t attend any concerts during the bye week.
26. Broncos (No. 27; 1-4): That sixth-round pick in 2012 will go a long way toward helping Tim Tebow succeed in 2011.
28. Cardinals (No. 28; 1-4): A visit from the Steelers on Sunday will be a harsh reminder of how far the Cardinals have fallen since Super Bowl XLIII.
29. Jaguars (No. 29; 1-5): Moral victories don’t keep coaches from getting fired.
30. Colts (No. 30; 0-6): “Suck for Luck” should be the title of the team’s official 2011 season DVD.
31. Rams (No. 31; 0-5): If the Brandon Lloyd trade works out, the Rams perhaps will be 4-12 instead of 2-14.
32. Dolphins (No. 32; 0-5): Brandon Marshall apparently decided that, instead of being ejected in the second quarter, he’d simply become a non-factor then.