1. Packers (No. 1; 7-0): The only way the Packers don’t win is if they don’t play.
2. 49ers (No. 3; 6-1): What is this, 1989?
3. Steelers (No. 5; 6-2): What is this, 2010?
4. Patriots (No. 2; 5-2): Tom Brady’s ownership of the Steelers apparently was financed by one of those sub-prime mortgages.
5. Lions (No. 9; 6-2): A week after the Lions supposedly called for a cart for Matt Ryan, they nearly had to scream for a body bag for Tebow.
6. Giants (No. 6; 5-2): To stay in the top ten, they’ll need to beat bad teams by more than three points.
7. Ravens (No. 7; 5-2): To stay in the top ten, they’ll need to beat bad teams by more than three points.
8. Bengals (No. 8; 5-2): Maybe no one has told Andy Dalton and A.J. Green that they’re rookies.
9. Saints (No. 4; 5-3): If Sean Payton hadn’t signed an extension, his leverage would be shooting through the roof right now, given that no one on the sidelines could get the Saints turned around.
10. Bills (No. 13; 5-2): The Bills are finally getting comfortable in their home away from home.
11. Raiders (No. 11; 4-3): If Broncos vs. Lions was billed as a battle of good vs. evil, what’s Broncos vs. Raiders?
12. Texans (No. 12; 5-3): It’s officially a one-team race in the AFC South. And it could be one-and-out for the Texans in January.
13. Bears (No. 14; 4-3): Matt Forte is still waiting for the phone and/or cash register to ring.
14. Buccaneers (No. 15; 4-3): Saints and Panthers losing makes for a great bye week in Tampa.
15. Falcons (No. 16; 4-3): Saints and Panthers losing makes for a great bye week in Atlanta.
16. Chiefs (No. 20; 4-3): Brandon Flowers told PFT Live last week that the Chiefs are the team to beat in the AFC West. The Chargers couldn’t.
17. Jets (No. 17; 4-3): The last guy who should be cracking jokes about Rex Ryan’s gut is the guy who wanted to gnaw on Suzy Kolber’s face.
18. Chargers (No. 10; 4-3): If Philip Rivers ever gets a chance to lift the Lombardi, there’s now a good chance he’ll drop it.
19. Eagles (No. 21; 3-4): Someone finally woke up the Dream Team.
20. Cowboys (No. 18; 3-4): The Rob Ryan head-coaching express continues to be a slow train to nowhere.
21. Vikings (No. 28; 2-6): And Donovan McNabb still thinks he should still be the starter.
22. Panthers (No. 19; 2-6): It’s only a matter of time before this team is ruling the NFC South.
23. Titans (No. 23; 4-3): If Chris Johnson could rediscover his explosiveness, the Titans could make a run at a playoff spot.
24. Redskins (No. 22; 3-4): That loss to the Bills is a harsh reminder of the state of the franchise 20 years after beating the Bills in a slightly bigger game.
25. Browns (No. 24; 3-4): Is Peyton Hillis a one-hit wonder? His fan club is now known as Peyton’s Midnight Runners.
26. Rams (No. 31; 1-6): The team’s passion and enthusiasm in Week Eight makes us wonder where it was the rest of the season.
27. Broncos (No. 25; 2-5): A week after “Tebowing” took the league by storm, “Teblowing” now refers to throwing passes so far over a receiver’s head that it looks like the ball was caught in a sudden gust of wind.
28. Jaguars (No. 26; 2-6): It was fun to be a contender in the AFC South. For five days.
29. Seahawks (No. 27; 2-5): Pete Carroll still has a shot at landing Jim Harbaugh’s protege.
30. Cardinals (No. 29; 1-6): If he can’t play this weekend, Kevin Kolb (foot) probably doesn’t have to worry about John Skelton doing to Kolb what Mike Vick did last year.
31. Colts (No. 30; 0-8): Andrew Luck is the perfect quarterback for a team with a horseshoe on its helmet.
32. Dolphins (No. 32; 0-7): Owner Stephen Ross recently pointed out that at least one other set of power rankings has the Dolphins at No. 25. But that apparently is a ranking of college teams.