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Sunday one-liners

Jacksonville Jaguars NFL football team owner Shahid Khan poses at EverBank Field in Jacksonville Reuters

The Buffalo News examines at the Bills’ free-agency needs.  (Isn’t it easier to list where the team doesn’t have needs?)

Taking a look at Peyton Manning’s potential impact on the Miami Dolphins.

DE Andre Carter hopes to return to the Patriots for 2012.

The Jets have filed suit against the owner of a luxury suite for $1.1 million.  (The owner of the luxury suite should file a counterclaim for that Super Bowl season the head coach promised.)

S Haruki Nakamura wants to return to the Ravens, but he first wants to test the market.

If free agency begins in Cincinnati and the Bengals don’t spend a dollar, does it make a sound?

With Peyton Manning and Robert Griffin III out of the picture for the Browns, what’s the plan at quarterback?

Since free agency began in 1993, the Steelers have signed to a long-term deal only one receiver — the one they recently cut.

Should the Texans do whatever it takes to keep Mario Williams?

WR Anthony Gonzalez has been told by the Colts that they won’t try to re-sign him.

Jags owner Shad Khan says free agency isn’t just about money.  (And neither was Peyton Manning’s contract with the Colts.)

If the Titans want to beef up either the offensive or defensive line, they’ll have plenty of options.

Broncos QB Tim Tebow won’t comment on the team’s pursuit of Peyton Manning until “after the smoke clears.”  (The smoke could be coming from the jet that carries Tebow to another town.)

You’ll click this link to read about how the Chiefs landed Joe Montana, and you’ll stay once you’ve been hypnotized by the picture of Carl Peterson’s early-90s mullet.

The Raiders have cleared plenty of cap space, but they still need to deal with LB Kamerion Wimbley’s contract, which unlocks $17.5 million in guaranteed money on March 17.

The foundation started by Chargers LB Junior Seau is now 20 years old.

Cowboys WR Jesse Holley says Peyton Manning is “the God of football,” but nevertheless prefers someone slightly more mortal.

Giants CB Terrell Thomas hopes that teams will overlook the fact that he has torn the same ACL, twice.

Should the Eagles go all in for Peyton Manning?

The worst news for Redskins fans in the wake of the RGIII deal?  Joe Theismann likes it.

Picture, if you, will a Bears defense with Julius Peppers playing defensive end on one side — and Mario Williams on the other.

Ndamukong Suh should travel like Dr. Galazkiewicz.

Will Packers G.M. Ted Thompson address his needs through free agency, or via the draft?

After Saturday’s cuts, the Vikings have $23 million in cap space.

OG Vince Manuwai accepted the first offer he got from the Falcons.

If Panthers WR Steve Smith makes it to the cover of Madden 13, will there be a “sucker punch” button?

Former Saints receivers coach Curtis Johnson, now the head coach at Tulane, says he didn’t know anything about a bounty program.  (But did he know about its “real existence“?)

The Bucs may be looking to catch a receiver in free agency.

Now what do the Rams do with all those extra picks?

If Peyton Manning displaces Tarvaris Jackson as the quarterback of the Seahawks, will there be a “schism“?

Steve Nash thinks Peyton Manning would be a great fit for the Cardinals.

Randy Moss is more likely to run a 4.1 in army boots than he is to sign with the 49ers, unless they sign Peyton Manning.  Or anyone not named “Alex Smith.”

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7 Responses to “Sunday one-liners”
  1. spellingcopfather says: Mar 11, 2012 3:19 PM

    is that Ron jeremy?

  2. bleed4philly says: Mar 11, 2012 3:23 PM

    Missanelli is a crack pot. Eli Manning went to the NFC because the manning family wanted to avoid competing against each other as much as possible. eagles have no shot at getting him even if they were trying to.

  3. polsem88 says: Mar 11, 2012 4:04 PM

    At first glance Shad Khan looks like a mixture of Ron Jeremy and the late Ravishing Rick Rude…

  4. jacobslatter says: Mar 11, 2012 5:30 PM

    Hmmmm……. new Falcon G Vince Manuwai played his whole career at left guard but the Falcons need him for right guard after the trainwrecks at the spot last year. Well at least he knows the offense and if the physical health is good he’ll be starting for sure. Looks like a fine pick up.

    P.S. The photo looks like Super Mario with a mullet.

  5. gobills716 says: Mar 11, 2012 8:24 PM

    The list of needs for the Bills isn’t as long as you think Mike. The Bills needs are: DB, #2 WR, and DE. Honestly, they only need one starter from each of those positions and they will be a very good football team. Pick up a guy in one of the those positions via FAs and then use the first two picks to fill the other two. Not a pipe dream. They could use upgrades at OL and OLB but those aren’t top priorities. Also, who knows if Terrence McGee and Shawne Marriman can stay healthy, they Bills aren’t in as dire straights as people think

  6. wecomefromthestars says: Mar 12, 2012 1:40 PM

    best. one-liners. ever.

  7. MichaelEdits says: Mar 12, 2012 2:50 PM

    Q: With Peyton Manning and Robert Griffin III out of the picture for the Browns, what’s the plan at quarterback?
    A: Favre.

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