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Saturday one-liners

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Jets rookie WR Stephen Hill is drawing praise for doing a lot of what he likely will be doing this year:  blocking.

Pats WR Donte’ Stallworth returns to New England having “matured as a player, matured as a person.”  (Killing a guy while driving a car under the influence tends to do that.)

The goal for getting a new lease in place for the Bills officially has been moved to the end of the year.

When it comes to hairstyles, Dolphins rookies are sporting the modified Cruella deVille.

With WR Antonio Brown and not WR Mike Wallace getting a new contract from the Steelers, Snoop Dogg may need an explanation.

Browns DT Ahtyba Rubin is recovering from a procedure to repair a slight pelvic tear.

Bengals LB Brandon Joiner is on the reserve/did not report list for a good reason; he’s serving a three-year prison sentence in Texas.  (Shouldn’t they have traded him to the Lions by now?)

Is Michael Oher finally ready to play left tackle?  (With Bryant McKinnie AWOL, it may not matter.)

The Jaguars have released FB Naufahu Tahi.  (Brad Childress wants to know why they didn’t they just make Tahi the extra man on the roster.)

Colts coach Chuck Pagano’s first training camp as head coach opens on Saturday.

Titans QB Matt Hasselbeck put business first in the offseason; “I played it more safe and I didn’t really travel,” Hasselbeck said. “I didn’t really go anywhere for fun.  Everywhere I went, I had a purpose.  If I was going somewhere, then throwing and working out was priority No. 1 all the time.”

Texans LB Connor Barwin has traded in the Cosmo Kramer for the Gary Kubiak.

A jury has awarded $5.2 million against Chargers doctor David Chao for prescribing a cold-therapy device after knee surgery; Chao has now been on the wrong end of multiple malpractice cases.  (But, please, keep letting him provide care to elite professional athletes.)

Broncos LB Von Miller thinks that the team’s seventh defensive coordinator in seven seasons is “laid back“; Jack Del Rio says Miller and the rest of the defense are in for a surprise.

The Torn ACL Trio (Eric Berry, Jamaal Charles, Tony Moeaki) all practiced for the Chiefs on Friday; “I feel I’ve got my swag back,” Charles said.

Here are five questions for the Raiders.

Our old pal (and former PFT contributor) Tim MacMahon of tears into Cowboys WR Dez Bryant for keeping his mouth shut in the wake of his recent arrest.

Giants co-owner John Mara was surprised by the number of media at training camp:  “I can’t believe so many of you are here.  Tebow isn’t here.”

Former Redskins QB Colt Brennan has been arrested in Hawaii for suspicion of drunk driving and drug possession.

Eagles TE Brent Celek (knee) is expected to miss only a few days.

A lawsuit against former Vikings WR and current ESPN analyst Cris Carter involving a rap-song investment gone bad contends that Carter was close to becoming the Alabama receivers coach in 2011.  (It’s unknown whether Carter ever declared, “I’m not going to be the Alabama receivers coach.”)

Bears K Robbie Gould thinks it would be a “big risk” for the team to let LB Brian Urlacher become a free agent.  (It also would be a “big risk” for the Bears to make personnel decisions based on the advice of a kicker.)

Packers LT Marshall Newhouse is gaining confidence via praise from his coach — and practice against LB Clay Matthews.

Lions WR Calvin Johnson apparently can’t walk down the street in Mexico.  (Sergio Mendes can sympathize.)

Newly re-signed Falcons LB Mike Peterson is now known as “Unc”; “I’m everybody’s uncle around here now,” Peterson said.

Saints CB Patrick Robinson made the play of the day on Friday, stealing a Drew Brees pass away from TE Jimmy Graham.

Falcons RB Jason Snelling wants more opportunities on offense.

Panthers coach Ron Rivera hopes increased competition will create increased urgency in training camp; among other things, both kicking positions are up for grabs.

The mentor of 49ers LB Aldon Smith says that his off-field problems will be a “small blip on his radar.”  (If getting stabbed twice is a small blip on the radar, that’s a big-ass radar.)

The Cardinals are holding their annual Red-White Scrimmage on Saturday.  (QB Kevin Kolb may want to wear ear plugs.)

Rams TE Michael Hoomanawanui is able to practice after suffering a torn ACL on November 13.

Will the Seahawks quarterback competition be reduced from three to two?  “The answer is yes, I guess,” coach Pete Carroll said.  “You’re just going to have to suck it up and wait.”

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8 Responses to “Saturday one-liners”
  1. DFresh says: Jul 28, 2012 12:40 PM

    “Pats WR Donte’ Stallworth returns to New England having “matured as a player, matured as a person.” (Killing a guy while driving a car under the influence tends to do that.)”

    Stay classy PFT.

  2. carpetpissers says: Jul 28, 2012 1:34 PM

    The mentor of 49ers LB Aldon Smith says that his off-field problems will be a “small blip on his radar.” (If getting stabbed twice is a small blip on the radar, that’s a big-ass radar.)


    Now that’s funny!

  3. deepcynic says: Jul 28, 2012 2:02 PM

    One of the best daily one-liners! This is why I keep coming daily!

  4. dirtyjersey9er says: Jul 28, 2012 2:12 PM

    So two stabbings are apparently huge blips on a radar? Because we all still hold getting stabbed against Paul Pierce, we also apparently hold getting shot against Joey Porter.

  5. timb12 says: Jul 28, 2012 3:20 PM

    The more parenthesis the better.

  6. yourignorancespreads says: Jul 28, 2012 3:59 PM

    Patrick Robinson is gonna be good. He reminded me of the whole tracy porter pick. Not picked up In the first but a def steal and a lot of talent. Still sad to see porter leave that’s dude is good

  7. notthathand says: Jul 28, 2012 5:54 PM

    “Shouldn’t they have traded him to the Lions by now?”

    Indeed. Pure comedy gold.

    Keep looking under that dead horse, there’s probably a few more gems to be had…

  8. bluebongzilla says: Jul 28, 2012 10:04 PM

    I would think that staying quiet would be the smart thing for Dez Bryant to do as long as the DA is considering charges against him.

    Colt Brennan – too much time spent horsing around with that TE, whatshisname. Oh yeah, Cooley.

    Sorry DFresh, Stallworth killed a guy.

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