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Chris Kluwe blasts Maryland politician, with blue and clean versions

Chris Kluwe AP

Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo took a graceful and measured approach to refuting the Maryland politician who wants to light his tailgating grill with the United States Constitution.

Vikings punter Chris Kluwe has taken a different path.

Ayanbadejo said he was “surprised” that Maryland House of Delegates member Emmett C. Burns Jr. would try to put pressure on the Ravens to silence his support of gay marriage, which is a ridiculous affront to free speech regardless your thoughts on the issue.

So Kluwe initially took a flame-thrower to Burns on Deadspin, a hilarious rebuke that you should only click if you’re not easily insulted by REALLY SALTY LANGUAGE.

It’s worth the read assuming you’re NOT REALLY SENSITIVE TO THAT KIND OF THING, since Kluwe hits you between the eyes with a 2×4 of profanity in the headline.

But in case you’re a bit more delicate, he also wrote a clean version for a blog hosted by the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

He admits he heard from several people, including his dad, who suggested his greater point might have been missed amid the swear words and references to private parts.

So he replaced some of the vulgarity with phrases such as “BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE SPARKLEPONY” and “DELICIOUS STATE FAIR HOTDOG!”

Which, when you’re mocking a narrow-minded, wide-mouthed politician, is just as funny as the original, and maybe more so.

So again we say, good for Ayanbadejo for having a conscience and the willingness to voice it, and to Kluwe for having a sharp sense of humor.

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59 Responses to “Chris Kluwe blasts Maryland politician, with blue and clean versions”
  1. voiceofreasonsays says: Sep 8, 2012 2:07 PM

    Oh god. Not this guy again.

  2. jjpmn says: Sep 8, 2012 2:10 PM

    In my many years of attending Vikings games, this will be the first time I stand up and cheer when the home team’s punter trots onto the field. Keep up the good fight, Kluwe.

  3. farty5 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:10 PM

    I agree with Kluwe but you don’t have to be profane to make good points.

  4. frankrizzo51 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:11 PM

    Still trying to picture what a “”2×4 of profanity” looks like.

  5. kingmj4891 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:12 PM

    I don’t think I have ever liked Chris Kluwe anymore than I do right now!

  6. greysolon says: Sep 8, 2012 2:16 PM

    The politician’s weird call for speech limitations aside, you can read Kluwe’s sort of in-depth response from any college freshman on yahoo comment sections.

  7. nickster31 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:17 PM

    Hats off to Chris Kluwe for writing this letter. FANTASTIC!!!

    Hats off to Brendon Ayanbadejo as well.

    ANY politician that tries to take away freedom of speech should be kicked out of office IMMEDIATELY, and NEVER allowed back in!

  8. frug says: Sep 8, 2012 2:17 PM

    Seriously, what kind of politician goes around writing letters to the employers of people he disagrees with? If a couple teenagers protest at a rally is he going to call McDonald’s CEO and demand he shut them?

    The great irony of course is that by doing this Burn’s brought far more attention to Ayanbadejo’s cause than he ever would received.

  9. halestorm74 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:23 PM

    Kluwe is awesome. Makes me proud he is a Viking.

  10. canadianvikingfaniii says: Sep 8, 2012 2:23 PM

    Right on Chris Kluwe! AP may be my favorite player on the team, but you are my favorite personality on it.

  11. trevor123698 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:24 PM

    you have to be a clown to support this abomination.

  12. beergeekjoey says: Sep 8, 2012 2:26 PM

    I really wish that the NFL could stay clear of politics (they should never have moved a game for a political convention – go head-to-head and show the pols whose ratings are higher!!), but I am happy to see that he blasted a clearly unConstitutional stance by a pol.
    I wish, though, that he had used the opportunity to take the stance that NO govt, at ANY level, should have any authority to approve/disapprove/legalize/declare illegal ANY marriage!! marriage is a personal thing, usually guided by religion, though not always. as such, government should remain mute. the Constitution honors individual preference (10th Amendment) and freedom of religion (1st Amendment), so they need to stay out!!

  13. thatyankeedude says: Sep 8, 2012 2:36 PM

    I’m so confused about what “good fight” you are talking about. The media has already done its job making sexual immorality normal and acceptable. Just because you think every single person on GOD’S green earth should accept the gays doesn’t mean those who don’t support their actions are racists or even hateful. Im speaking as one of those people. I do not hate the gays but I will not sit here and be ok with everybody trying to commend their actions as acceptable and forcing it upon other people. It’s great you think that they should get to stomp around on other peoples rights, it shows your true colors no pun intended, but when people start imposing on the rights of others it becomes a problem. Now it’s the gays who impose their will on others not the other way around. So when you speak of this fight, nobodies fighting anymore. You got what you wanted and now you think that everyone has to think just like you. This country is so messed up right now and the gay vs normal debate is such a distraction that nothing gets done to fix the real problems.

  14. trevor123698 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:39 PM

    “the Constitution honors individual preference (10th Amendment) and freedom of religion”

    I have never in my life seen this honored.

  15. gallaghedj311 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:52 PM

    Love Kluwe. Love his profanity based letter too. Stupid politician. Get with the program. Times change. Mindless and outspoken people only drive wedges between them and their family. Better hope none of your grand children are gay. Because u just put up a wall that is difficult to tear down, Mr Politician.

  16. patfic15 says: Sep 8, 2012 2:54 PM

    Yeah. OK. Preciate the invention of blogs that will sustain the guys career. I want my players to play…Your politics are like your private parts. …don’t share them with everyone.

  17. killerron says: Sep 8, 2012 2:57 PM

    Kluwe should be writing op-eds! He provides proper endings to his writings. Like calling the lockout plaintiffs d*bags. The only thing he missed is calling this a guy a flaming a**hole (pun intended)!

  18. nothimagain says: Sep 8, 2012 3:05 PM

    The best thing I’ve read in a long time. Profanity has it’s place – when used effectively (George Carlin and Bill Hicks come to mind), although the best line was “The Russian judge gives you a 10 for beautiful oppressionism.”

    Too bad the Hawks cut him years back.

  19. arrruserious says: Sep 8, 2012 3:10 PM

    Not a fan of the Vikings but most def a fan of Kluwe. Would love to see him in a debate

  20. endzone says: Sep 8, 2012 3:13 PM

    Florio you are right, both documents Kluwe wrote are hilarious and so clever. Ask him to write for PFT.

  21. dionoil says: Sep 8, 2012 3:17 PM

    Uhg. I support gay rights whole-heartedly. But, c,mon, lets talk football.

  22. rushmatic says: Sep 8, 2012 3:21 PM

    There should be no reason to honor religion in this country. In third world countries, where there isn’t much else to make oneself happy, I can understand (somewhat). But not here; not with a supposed “separation of church and state”.

    Religion is fit to be mocked in my humble opinion. Not the people who practice it (usually), but the ideology itself.

  23. vikingsimmortality says: Sep 8, 2012 3:24 PM

    Kluwe=Truth No matter what you think about the use of vulgar language (awesomeness), his points are valid and often cut right to the core. Love it!

  24. justcuz15 says: Sep 8, 2012 3:58 PM

    Kluwe should run for office in Minn.

  25. skiski7 says: Sep 8, 2012 3:58 PM

    First thing first, who is Kluwe and when did this Guy become the bearer if all things right and wholesome on this earth. He kicks a football for goodness sake. A marriage is defined by God and for those who don’t believe in God explain how order can be created out of chaos. How the human body has numerous systems that all need to work properly in order to have good health. Can someone answer this question as well if the whole world turned gay what would happen to the human race? It would cease to exist. So don’t tell me its natural. You say it occurs in the animal kingdom but how do you know the intentions of an animal. I would say you are a little off if you think you can psycho-analyze an animal. The self righteous know it alls of the human race simply amaze me. Richard Dawkins the author of the God Delusion is on record as saying there is a higher power now you have to ask yourself if he is personal or impersonal. Hope you find the answer. God Bless

  26. hatesycophants says: Sep 8, 2012 4:24 PM

    He could just as easily have been talking about you, Gantt.

  27. grogantomorganforthe says: Sep 8, 2012 4:37 PM

    @thatyankeedude

    You sir have shown us that ignorance is alive and well in your homestead. When was the last time a “gay” imposed their will on you or your rights? Get over yourself. Equal rights are supposed to be available to ALL citizens of this country. What gives you a right to say who qualifies as deserving of said rights? I’m positive no “gay” has ever stooped on your front porch forcing their “immorality” on you. Contrarily, people of your mindset are the same people who push their closed minded agenda on those of us that are choosing to progress and evolve as a people. If you’re going to get all biblical please remember “Judge lest ye be judged”, or does that not apply to you because you are of a higher moral standard.

  28. cuda1234 says: Sep 8, 2012 4:53 PM

    Hey rushmatic – please tell me where your right to the separation of church and state appears in the constitution – because if you had a brain, or an education, you would know its not in there.

  29. nathanbetz91 says: Sep 8, 2012 4:54 PM

    What a badass

  30. larryboodry says: Sep 8, 2012 5:01 PM

    @ skiski7…I would submit that the main issue here is not anyone’s views on gay marriage, but that an elected official here in the U.S. would actually try to stifle free speech in such atroubling manner…Kluwe was right to take him to task on that.

  31. liquidgrammar says: Sep 8, 2012 5:57 PM

    It’s ALL CRAP!!! As much as some of the things that right and left wing nuts say, they have the constitutional right to say them!!! This person is just so dead wrong it’s not even funny. The problem, the fundamental issue here, is that we as a nation are decending into this lunacy, with the inability to let others say what they want to say!

  32. skiski7 says: Sep 8, 2012 5:58 PM

    @ larryboodry… If the Ravens were to side with the elected official they have every right because free speech is not protected in the private sector. If I walked into work and started talking sexist and racist I would be fired on the spot. Freedom of speech only applies to public sector. Also 90% of people wanted mendenhall to shut up last year when he said his views on 9/11 and the war on terror. Where was his freedom of speech. We scream first amendment when views match our own.

  33. Sandra Lee's Cans says: Sep 8, 2012 6:57 PM

    Sure has a way with words.

  34. 49erstim says: Sep 8, 2012 7:05 PM

    @skiski7…..your point on only screaming “freedom of speech” when the views match our own is dead on. Very insightful. You brought it home with the Mendenhall example. i go through the trouble of pointing this out because I am unused to this level of intelligence on this site. very refreshing. Thank you.

    The Ravens could ask him to zip it and play football, but that is a treacherous path. He should tone it down a little though because he represents more than just himself. I personally do not side with his viewpoint, but as far as I am concerned he has every right to his opinion just as I do. I am no fan of every part of my life being legislated by my government and seeing how they’ve screwed up our country I don’t think they should tell me or you who we can or cannot marry. Very slippery slope.

  35. skiski7 says: Sep 8, 2012 8:04 PM

    @49erstim…. I too respect alot that you have said and that government is becoming way to big and are dictating our lives way to much but up until the most recent dictionaries the definition of marriage has always been between a man and a woman. There are numerous court cases from the 70s that have been fought over where the plaintiffs have used Blacks dictionary and Websters along with encyclopedias to define marriage. So what do they do, they change the definition this century to meet their agenda. I know that you seem to be up with the crap our government is doing changing definitions is very orweillian wouldn’t you say. Like war is peace and freedom is slavory and ignorance is strength. So as Alexander Hamilton once said “Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.” I respect your opinion and would never want you silenced because if you silence
    your people you disagree with precedence is set

  36. raidmagic says: Sep 8, 2012 8:05 PM

    Genius!! I may have a new favorite player in the league. I wish more people would stand up to their politicians when they make bone headed way off the mark comments.

  37. doubledogcatch says: Sep 8, 2012 8:06 PM

    God this and man and a woman that. Its all ignorance and fear. Not to knock all religious people but just the out of control ones like the politician who started this whole thing and the ones who mention god in this thread. Hard core Christians no longer have the loudest voice in this country. Your a dying breed. When nfl players are standing up against hatred and inequality masked as gods will, I feel good about the direction in this country. 

  38. thearvidian says: Sep 8, 2012 8:21 PM

    Hey Kluwe – from now on all Apple trees will be called ice cream. “That tree is really nice ice cream”. Get with the times!

  39. skiski7 says: Sep 8, 2012 8:28 PM

    I know this country sure has taken a turn for the better hasn’t it. We are 17 trillion in debt we have wars against an unidentified opponent teachers are sleeping with their students 1 in 4 children are being molested there are shootings every week 43 million are on foodstamps our education system is in shambles but the Christians are a dying breed woohoo. Read democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville a French historian from the 1800s and I would have to say he knows more than your about why America was great and what it is today.

  40. csilojohnson says: Sep 8, 2012 8:33 PM

    Couple points.
    The sanctity of marraige was destroyed by straight people 20+ yrs ago.
    Being gay is NOT a choice. ( If you believe it is…think about that concept. Try to get arroused by the same sex. )
    Im pretty sure GOD would want you to LOVE all his children. No matter what they feel or believe.
    Marraige is JUST A TAX CUT TO MOST anyways.
    If someones personal freedoms infringe on your religous freedoms you need to get out of thier personal buisness.

  41. teamnorsecore says: Sep 8, 2012 8:46 PM

    Who cares?!?!?!? Much bigger fish to fry in this country right now Kluwe. Kluwe seems to be constantly all over this Gay Marriage thing…..I wonder what his opinion is on America’s 8.3%unemployment, soaring gas prices/expanded oil drilling and exploration amongs other MUCH more important issues? I guess that stuff doesn’t matter to a millionaire who punts a football a few times a game for a living…..and I am a Vikings fan.

  42. thearvidian says: Sep 8, 2012 9:27 PM

    it’s the ultimate in narcism. just because we have certain propensities, doesn’t mean we follow them all. we’re living in a fallen place – we all have ‘crosses’ to bear. or maybe we’re supposed to simply follow our every desire at all times no matter what the natural law says…..i could explain, but it would be a waste of electrons

  43. Mr. Wright 212 says: Sep 8, 2012 9:32 PM

    csilojohnson says: Sep 8, 2012 8:33 PM

    Couple points.
    The sanctity of marraige was destroyed by straight people 20+ yrs ago.
    Being gay is NOT a choice. ( If you believe it is…think about that concept. Try to get arroused by the same sex. )
    Im pretty sure GOD would want you to LOVE all his children. No matter what they feel or believe.
    Marraige is JUST A TAX CUT TO MOST anyways.
    If someones personal freedoms infringe on your religous freedoms you need to get out of thier personal buisness.
    —————–

    You have lost your mind. And you people who claim we should have free will (which we all do) to do certain things, but in the next claim that being gay is not a choice are the poster boys for liberal hypocrisy.

  44. doubledogcatch says: Sep 8, 2012 9:49 PM

    I just read this and turned supergay. I wish the ravens would have done something to prevent this from happening. Oh well I’m off to west Hollywood for some reason.

  45. dcviking says: Sep 8, 2012 9:57 PM

    Marriage is defined by God…not completely in this country. It’s also defined in our laws — atheists can get married, why not gays? As the line goes, why not let them be as miserable as the rest of us.

    And if you religious zealots are really worried about morality, try cleaning up the Catholic church first — then talk to me about the choices made by consenting adults.

    I really want to believe in God, and I find that concept easy to believe in. I have a much harder time believing in religion.

  46. bfrsd says: Sep 8, 2012 10:41 PM

    The atheists and anti-God/anti-religion folks on here make me sad. So many of you just blast “religious” folks and “hard core Christians” with really just ignorant statements. If you’ve seen what I’ve seen and been through what I’ve been through, the tone of all your anti-Christian comments would make you sick.

    When you’ve been in a village destroyed by Joseph Kony and seen people healed, in the name of God, with your very own eyes, your thoughts would change. When you see a small kids hand literally go from being a nub to full and working, your thoughts would change.

    I’ve seen so many miracles in my life that have no scientific or evolutionary explanation. A child’s hand doesn’t grow back in an instant because of evolution. I just wish some of the blind hateful rhetoric would stop being placed on us “religious” folks when a majority of us spend much more of our lives helping others than our counterparts.

  47. Mr. Wright 212 says: Sep 8, 2012 11:15 PM

    bfrsd says: Sep 8, 2012 10:41 PM

    The atheists and anti-God/anti-religion folks on here make me sad. So many of you just blast “religious” folks and “hard core Christians” with really just ignorant statements. If you’ve seen what I’ve seen and been through what I’ve been through, the tone of all your anti-Christian comments would make you sick.

    When you’ve been in a village destroyed by Joseph Kony and seen people healed, in the name of God, with your very own eyes, your thoughts would change. When you see a small kids hand literally go from being a nub to full and working, your thoughts would change.

    I’ve seen so many miracles in my life that have no scientific or evolutionary explanation. A child’s hand doesn’t grow back in an instant because of evolution. I just wish some of the blind hateful rhetoric would stop being placed on us “religious” folks when a majority of us spend much more of our lives helping others than our counterparts.
    ———–

    THANK YOU!

  48. footballchic777 says: Sep 8, 2012 11:24 PM

    Kluwe Jersey sales are gonna skyrocket! I have to admit that I found his letter extraordinarily hilarious and spot on at the same time! Was the profanity a must? Probably not, but some people just don’t get it if you don’t just throw it all out there. I love grammar and the English language to make a point, and I don’t think he could have done it better. No matter what side of the gay marriage issue you are on, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SQUELCH YOUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Mr. Burns, I hope you have enjoyed your time in office, because I believe it is SOON over.

  49. yajas says: Sep 8, 2012 11:43 PM

    bfrsd says: “…When you see a small kids hand literally go from being a nub to full and working,…”

    Sounds amazing. Please post a link to the video.

  50. craig1972 says: Sep 8, 2012 11:44 PM

    Dumbfoundingly ignorant politician from Maryland and brutishly simple punter for the vikings.
    I hope everyone can see that they are really the same guy on opposites sides of an issue (okay two issues).

    One has forgotten what country he lives in and the other has simply added profanity to illogical dogmatic rhetoric (concerning gay marriage).

    Neither is compelling, interesting, or in anyway informative-both have served to foment vitriol and emotion rather than thoughtful discussion, respect or love for their fellow man.

    Really Darin? I get that it’s easy to pile on the politician here but sharp sense of humor? Did Andrew “Dice” Clay have a sharp sense of humor in the 80’s?

  51. woodsvikes says: Sep 9, 2012 1:08 AM

    @skiski7

    Actually, dumba$$ HERE’s the definition of marriage:

    Merriam-Webster: Definition of Marriage
    Definition of MARRIAGE

    1
    a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage
    b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock
    c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage
    2
    : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
    3
    : an intimate or close union

    Hmmm, NO WHERE in the definition is the MENTION of procreation. You speak of “Law” yet you miss that your not speaking of “Law” your speaking of “Biblical Law”. Which can be miss leading because MANY of you THINK this country was founded as a “Christian Nation” and it was NOT! Look up some quotes from the founding fathers on this idea. Its right there in black and white, right out of Jefferson’s mouth and I think maybe he’d know something about it. Since, well he HELP RIGHT THE DAMN THING!

  52. woodsvikes says: Sep 9, 2012 1:09 AM

    Opps! Was typing angry… “HELPED WRITE THE DAMN THING!” even LoL

  53. bfrsd says: Sep 9, 2012 1:10 AM

    And for those who disagree with the last sentence above- Statistically, those in America who consider themselves morally conservative give far and away more of their time and money to charity than do those who consider themselves morally liberal. And I’m not specifically talking about politics. Talk and actual action seem to be the biggest differences.

  54. potviking says: Sep 9, 2012 1:53 AM

    The first amendment doesn’t protect speech you like, it protects speech you hate.

  55. warrenpeacephotography says: Sep 9, 2012 4:04 AM

    farty5 says: “I agree with Kluwe but you don’t have to be profane to make good points.”
    ————————

    …says a guy whose name is FARTY.

    No one has ever pretended you HAVE to be profane to make good points. Your whole post seems to have been reasoned out by a 12 year old.

  56. whatswiththehate says: Sep 9, 2012 6:24 AM

    beergeekjoey says:Sep 8, 2012 2:26 PM
    I wish, though, that he had used the opportunity to take the stance that NO govt, at ANY level, should have any authority to approve/disapprove/legalize/declare illegal ANY marriage!! marriage is a personal thing, usually guided by religion, though not always. as such, government should remain mute. the Constitution honors individual preference (10th Amendment) and freedom of religion (1st Amendment), so they need to stay out!!
    ——————–
    So by your own account, the government should abolish the law the goes against polygamy because they need to mind their business.

  57. stellarperformance says: Sep 9, 2012 7:40 AM

    Kudos to Kluwe. I get a kick out of the religious right(eous) that seem to think their way is the best way. Who asked you? Did you ever stop to think that there were organized religious beliefs established thousands of years before Christianity? What about them? Maybe Buddha is “the Way” and Jesus was simply an historical figure. That’s where the concept of blind faith comes into play. I get it. I’m glad that works…..for YOU.

    We’re all just fish in the pond…and it’s a pond that belongs to everybody. Get used to it and stop telling people how to live their lives.

  58. beergeekjoey says: Sep 9, 2012 8:56 AM

    @rushmatic neither I nor the Constitution said anything about honoring religion. I said (and the Constitution protects) the FREEDOM of religion, i.e., an individual’s right to choose his/her own religious path (or non-religious path for that matter).

    @skiski7 the point is not that the Ravens can set rules within their own walls/business/affairs/organization and the First Amendment does not control that. the point is that an elected official made an unConstitutional request to the Ravens organization. HIS actions are controlled by the First Amendment because he is part of the government.

    @whatiswiththehate correct. laws that prevent/address bad things within any marriage/domestic arrangement i.e., abandonment, fiscal obligations, domestic abuse, mental cruelty, etc. have their place, laws defining what consenting adults are allowed to elect to do amongst themselves are not supported by the Constitution.

  59. amanitoomerisgod says: Sep 9, 2012 11:55 AM

    For those of you hooting and hollering about morals, on either side of this “debate,” I might recommend “The Moral Landscape” by Sam Harriss. He’s a guy who wondered about morals like all of us, but instead of not doing anything about it like us, he got a degree in neuroscience. Let’s educate ourselves and work forwards enhancing the well being of every living human. A GREAT way to do that is to get totally super pumped for the first Sunday of football!!!

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