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Some players think Nike uniforms make them look fat

Colin Kaepernick AP

Every husband inevitably gets the question from his wife.  In some cases, the question is asked routinely.  Possibly daily.

But now the tables have been turned, at least among some NFL players.  In major cities throughout America, large men are modeling their football uniforms and asking their wives, “Do I look fat in this?”

According to the Wall Street Journal, plenty of players have come to the conclusion that, yes, they look fat in this.  And they don’t like it.

I don’t really care for the new jerseys,” Ravens defensive lineman Terrence Cody said.  “I feel like they should put different material in for the big guys.”

49ers guard Alex Boone was defiant.  “It makes me look fat, and I’m not fat,” Boone said.  (He tips the scales at 300 pounds.  Apparently, it’s water weight.)

But Boone has corroboration.  The sight of him in the Nike jersey elicited a Kramer-style response.  “It looks like you ate a small baby,” Mrs. Boone said.   (And, of course, she now calls her husband “Dingo.”)

Players also complain about the performance of the jerseys when wet, something that inevitably happens due to rain or sweat.

Or, possibly, their own urine from the laughter sparked by seeing a player who looks like he ate a small baby.

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45 Responses to “Some players think Nike uniforms make them look fat”
  1. waitingguilty says: Oct 4, 2012 2:19 PM

    Thank God Haynesworth is not around anymore.

  2. piemasteruk says: Oct 4, 2012 2:20 PM

    I once played for a team where we got in these ‘stretchy’ shirts that hugged the figure somewhat. All the linemen complained that they made them look fat. Mind you, this wasn’t the pros, we were all fat.

  3. tjacks7 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:21 PM

    so two guys that clear 300 lbs think the unis make them look fat? that must be it.

  4. kpow55 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:21 PM

    “Does this shirt make me look fat?”

    No, your face does.

  5. citnetter says: Oct 4, 2012 2:22 PM

    The new collar design on most of the jerseys, the ones that look like a fake neck pad, are hideous too. Leave it to Nike to screw up a good, clean, professional design.

  6. drschrad says: Oct 4, 2012 2:24 PM

    In other headlines…

    Some players in the NFL are fat

  7. thegreatgabbert says: Oct 4, 2012 2:24 PM

    “Fat? No. But it does make you look stupid dear.”.

  8. schmitty2 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:25 PM

    I don’t think any lineman should dare complain about jerseys making them look “fat”

  9. omniscient48 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:25 PM

    It makes them look fat because they are fat.

  10. Stupid Raiders Fan says: Oct 4, 2012 2:29 PM

    Is there such clothing that makes you look fat or just clothes that show how fat you are?

    That said Nike will probably tweak the materials to help out the pudge challenged players.

  11. saudogg says: Oct 4, 2012 2:35 PM

    A jersey doesn’t make a 300+ pound man look fat. His fat makes him look fat.

  12. ialwayswantedtobeabanker says: Oct 4, 2012 2:35 PM

    This is how tight-fitting body-hugging clothes work. They show what’s “under the hood” so to speak. It’s like when you see some guy at the gym who’s way overweight in UnderArmour gear — it’s not very flattering.

    This is also why the NFL showed the new NFL jerseys on athletes that looked like Reggie Bush, Adrian Wilson, Patrick Willis, even the mannequins were jacked up, etc. – and chose not to show it on players like (I won’t name names – that probably wouldn’t be too cool).

    Similarly, if your girl is packing on a few extra lbs, it might not be a good idea to put her in a catsuit. If you want to go surfing in a wetsuit, and you go 3 bills, you probably won’t look too sharp to the ladies — but at least you won’t sink. Lipids are lighter than water.

    My suggestion: give the lineman the option of wearing jerseys with a fit similar to the old style, but the styling in step with the new look teams x, y and z have adopted.

  13. mrsandusky says: Oct 4, 2012 2:37 PM

    Terrence…….. It’s not the jersey my man

  14. tennis22drew says: Oct 4, 2012 2:39 PM

    Is it just me or do the new uniforms get ‘stuck’ a lot. Like, tucked into themselves in a way that you can’t read the players number. Seems after every play ends, guys get off the pile and their uniforms are all twisted. Maybe a little too spandex-y, Nike!

  15. thestrategyexpert says: Oct 4, 2012 2:39 PM

    Gee Boone seems to think Nike is in the clothing manufacturing business. If they were interested in making you comfortable, then they would do that, but the materials and designs they chose probably have some cost or profit advantages. It’s about making money for them and not providing quality clothing that you are happy with.

    They indirectly help pay your wages so either you are greedy and you want every dollar you can get, or you will give up money in tradeoff for respectful business partners and higher quality products/services. The NFL chases money over quality every time and you seem to aligned with their philosophy. From the positioning your NFLPA took on your behalf with contract negotiations, it would seem your priority is getting paid, so let Nike make their profits to the max and don’t complain!

  16. cardiovascularendurance says: Oct 4, 2012 2:39 PM

    I’d like to hear Alshon Jefferey chime in on this one.

  17. shaunypoo says: Oct 4, 2012 2:40 PM

    Quite possibly the worst written article I have seen in some time.

    And it isn’t the uniform that makes you look fat, it is you who makes the uniform look fat.

  18. cletusvandam says: Oct 4, 2012 2:43 PM

    Yeah, its the uniforms that make you look fat. Not, you know, the fat.

  19. johnnyb1976 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:44 PM

    Shut up and play football this isn’t a damn fashion show.

  20. beardinals says: Oct 4, 2012 2:49 PM

    What about the fact that I see torn jerseys multiple times every week?

    I think Nike and their Chinese children really screwed the pooch on this one.

  21. daysend564 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:54 PM

    You are a 360 lb guy. Yeah, it is the shirt that makes you look fat.

  22. advocado5 says: Oct 4, 2012 2:55 PM

    Fat Players say the new Nike Uniforms make fatties look fat.

    News at Eleven.

  23. TurdSandwich says: Oct 4, 2012 2:58 PM

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who HATES the nike collar adopted by many of the teams. Looks like they are wearing a Polo flip down collar. Only team it works for is Bengals’ away set as it matches the yoke.
    The giant Texans ringer collar looks ridiculous as well. I hope teams move away from that SOON!

  24. phloorioisanarcissist says: Oct 4, 2012 2:59 PM

    I really needed to smile today, and this article caused just that to happen. Thank you, Mike.

  25. shrshot says: Oct 4, 2012 3:01 PM

    League should have gone with Under Armour!

    I usually like Nike products, but the new jerseys do suck, and a lot of fans are NOT buying them because they don’t fit well. Not that Goodell cares about the fans, or whats right

  26. joker65 says: Oct 4, 2012 3:20 PM

    Has Wilfork chimed in yet? Until he says he looks fat, no one else can complain….

  27. joeyashwi says: Oct 4, 2012 3:25 PM

    I’m a fan of Nike but I hate their new look uniforms. The see through pants and oxen yoke neck collars look hideous. Some of the new jersey color schemes are cool but the uniforms as a whole look cheap.

  28. mj1818 says: Oct 4, 2012 3:30 PM

    Pretty sure they looked fat in reebok jerseys too

  29. mikeinsanfran says: Oct 4, 2012 3:35 PM

    Sadly it had to be in this context but remember the name: Alex Boone. Kid has been balling out this year. Great personal life story of overcoming alcoholism.

  30. Vegas Guy says: Oct 4, 2012 3:38 PM

    Yeah……… this was on my “Worries for Today” list.

  31. bigdawgy54 says: Oct 4, 2012 3:56 PM

    Pants look like diapers are being worn on the outside. Not impressed with Nike change.

  32. ceadderman says: Oct 4, 2012 3:58 PM

    I bet Goose is happy he retired long before these unis came out. I know there are a million Ravens fans that are.

    Did you guys happen to see Vince Wilfork in his new Uniform? You look at that guy in the old unis an he looked normal. You look at that guy in a Nike uni and it looks like he ate a small planet. >.< lmao

  33. ham1 says: Oct 4, 2012 4:02 PM

    you gotta be kidding

    what a bunch of divas

    i never ever thought i would hear of a mans man say such a thing

    you have to have some estrogen to make comments like that

    some old school lineman would probably die laughing

    who do they think is looking at them or even cares?

  34. jgrange08 says: Oct 4, 2012 4:12 PM

    Coming from a guy who earned the nickname “Mount Cody”

  35. beedubyatoo says: Oct 4, 2012 4:19 PM

    If these 300 pounders think the uniform makes them look fat, take off the uni and stand in front of a full length mirror. Then ask for a second opinion.

  36. JSpicoli says: Oct 4, 2012 4:24 PM

    40% of them do have a BMI that qualifies as “Fat”. It’s part of football.

  37. rams1999 says: Oct 4, 2012 4:26 PM

    the uniforms dont make the players look fat, the fat makes them look fat. Geez they sound like broads.

  38. thatswhatsgooood says: Oct 4, 2012 4:30 PM

    I think T Cody looks sexy in the new uniform

  39. randallflagg52 says: Oct 4, 2012 4:31 PM

    I’m a Raven fan, and I just have to say that Terrance Cody would look fat wearing a tarp.

  40. jeremytamu says: Oct 4, 2012 4:48 PM

    You know what eases the pain of looking fat in uniforms. The millions of dollars they get paid to wear them. Quit whining and man up.

  41. leftcoastnative says: Oct 4, 2012 5:57 PM

    Maybe Nike should outfit the players with SPANX to give them a slimmer look!!!!!

  42. aces79 says: Oct 4, 2012 6:54 PM

    Hate the new Nike jerseys the Reebok ones are better

  43. trekker38 says: Oct 4, 2012 7:23 PM

    I didn’t buy a new jersey because of the material. I want to be comfortable watching football. New ones are too tight & restrictive. I purchased 3 clearance old jerseys (Lewis, Rice, & Flacco) while still available.

  44. ravenator says: Oct 4, 2012 10:01 PM

    Not fat, just big boned

  45. chi01town says: Oct 5, 2012 9:32 AM

    Nike did make the Jersey tight but if the players think they look fat… That might be because they are fat so lose wieght an play faster that all

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