1. Patriots (4-0; last week No. 1): That AFC Finalist banner is gonna get stuck in a place where banners aren’t supposed to go.
2. Packers (5-0; No. 2): This team won’t lose at home. As long as the Giants don’t show up there in January. Again.
3. Bengals (5-0; No. 4): If these are the “same old Bengals,” ever team should aspire to be the “same old Bengals.”
4. Broncos (5-0; No. 3): The fact that coach Gary Kubiak had to say he’s not benching Peyton Manning shows how tenuous this team’s 5-0 record is.
5. Falcons (5-0; No. 5): The Falcons avoided a pothole. Now, they’ll drive all over the Saints.
6. Cardinals (4-1; No. 6): With a trip to Pittsburgh up next, Bruce Arians gets a shot at the team that “retired” him.
7. Panthers (4-0; No. 7): With the Seahawks and Packers coming up, the Panthers will soon be paying the price for winning the division last year.
8. Jets (3-1; No. 9): Sheldon Richardson is back, which means the Jets should be even better.
9. Giants (3-2; No. 13): They should be 5-0. 3-2 is still good enough to lead one of the worst divisions in football.
10. Steelers (3-2; No. 12): Before anyone crowns the team from Cincinnati, the Steelers will have something to say about the AFC North.
11. Seahawks (2-3; No. 8): To anyone who thinks Russell Wilson isn’t worth his contract, consider where this team would be right now without him.
12. Rams (2-3; No. 10): With the intersection of an underground landfill fire and a radioactive dump not far from their practice facility, the Rams should spend their bye week in any place but St. Louis.
13. Bills (3-2; No. 14): Sixteen years later, it was a different kind of Music City Miracle in Nashville.
14. Cowboys (2-3; No. 11): The bye week is a perfect time to bid farewell to Brandon Weeden.
15. Vikings (2-2; No. 16): With the Chiefs coming to town, Vikings fans of a certain age will be hearing “65 toss power trap” in their nightmares.
16. Colts (3-2; No. 20): Andrew Luck, Matt Hasselbeck, Bert Jones, John Unitas. Does it really matter against the Patriots?
17. Browns (2-3; No. 21): With Peyton Manning coming to town, Josh McCown will be happy to see he’s not the oldest quarterback on the field.
18. Raiders (2-3; No. 18): When it comes to offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave, Vikings fans know what Raiders fans are currently experiencing.
19. Chargers (2-3; No. 19): At least they won’t have to worry about hosting any playoff games in San Diego after applying for permission to relocate to L.A.
20. Ravens (1-4; No. 15): Jim Harbaugh should join John on the sidelines for the trip to San Francisco.
21. Washington (2-3; No. 22): Despite the loss in Atlanta, they need to be taken seriously. Especially in a division that shouldn’t be taken seriously.
22. Dolphins (1-3; No. 23): From Oklahoma drills to trying to drill Tennessee. Fail, and it’s over.
23. Bears (2-3; No. 30): What a difference a competent head coach makes.
24. Eagles (2-3; No. 27): A win over the Saints will do little to quiet the chatter of Chip Kelly to USC. Either one of them.
25. Buccaneers (2-3; No. 28): If they could get more really bad teams on the schedule, they could contend.
26. Chiefs (1-4; No. 17): Has any season turned more dramatically from the first half of Week Two through the end of Week Five?
27. 49ers (1-4; No. 31): Yes, the 49ers could win 12 this year. If the NFL expands the regular season to 82 games.
28. Titans (1-3; No. 24): If they knew how to finish, they’d be at least 3-1.
29. Texans (1-4; No. 25): They benched Brian Hoyer too quickly. They stayed with Ryan Mallett too long. With Hoyer back, they have one last chance to turn it around.
30. Jaguars (1-4; No. 26): For owner Shad Khan, there’s a point where patience becomes apathy.
31. Saints (1-4; No. 29): For the latest installment of the Saints-Falcons rivalry, Saints fans may be egging the Saints buses.
32. Lions (0-5; No. 32): If the 2015 Lions lose at home Sunday against the Bears, the 2008 Lions may be able to put the 0-16 champagne on ice.