1. Broncos (3-0; last week No. 1): Maybe they shouldn’t have drafted Paxton Lynch, after all.
2. Patriots (3-0; No. 2): Maybe they should have drafted Paxton Lynch (if they’d had a first-round pick).
3. Vikings (3-0; No. 6): Defense and coaching are great, offense is good enough. But here’s hoping they don’t need a field goal in the playoffs. Or an extra point.
4. Panthers (1-2; No. 3): Sure, no team with a losing record has ever landed this high. But no elite team has faced defenses like Denver’s and Minnesota’s in the first three games of a season.
5. Packers (2-1; No. 8): The offense is fixed. As long as they play the Lions every week.
6. Eagles (3-0; No. 19): That “they haven’t beaten anybody” excuse went out the window on Sunday.
7. Ravens (3-0; No. 11): Winning ugly is always better than losing pretty.
8. Seahawks (2-1; No. 9): With a return to the place where they won a Super Bowl looming, they finally are looking like the team that did.
9. Steelers (2-1; No. 4): The fact that it has been 27 years since the last 31-point loss won’t make Steelers fans feel much better about Sunday’s debacle.
10. Texans (2-1; No. 7): The good news? The Patriots didn’t score 40 against the Texans this time. The bad news? The Patriots only needed three to win.
11. Chiefs (2-1; No. 12): If they can avoid another slow start, a strong finish could get them a division title and a bye.
12. Cowboys (2-1; No. 14): Once they put Humpty Dumpty back together again and he falls off the wall (again), things won’t may not be as dire.
13. Falcons (2-1; No. 16): Kyle Shanahan may end up being a head coach, after all.
14. Giants (2-1; No. 13): The kicking net was one unsportsmanlike conduct foul away from being ejected.
15. Raiders (2-1; No. 17): The defense showed up in Nashville, even though the offense almost didn’t.
16. Cardinals (1-2; No. 5): Jake Delhomme says, “Wow, that playoff meltdown has really affected Carson Palmer.”
17. Bengals (1-2; No. 10): It’s impossible to lose in the playoffs for the sixth straight year if you don’t qualify.
18. Jets (1-2; No. 15): The Jets had a come-to-Jesus meeting on Monday. On Sunday against Seattle, their fans could be telling the team to go to hell.
19. Rams (2-1; No. 26): Given Jeff Fisher’s mastery of the Buccaneers, maybe his next job should be in the NFC South.
20. Dolphins (1-2; No. 20): The standings should have a separate category for beating the Browns in overtime, because it doesn’t feel like a win.
21. Buccaneers (1-2; No. 18): The first walk-and-chew-gum test for head coach/playcaller Dirk Koetter didn’t go very well.
22. Titans (1-2; No. 21): There’s a fine line between 3-0 and 1-2, and the Titans are on the wrong side of it.
23. Colts (1-2; No. 25): Win notwithstanding, Andrew Luck is still closer to Archie than Peyton on the Manning scale.
24. Washington (1-2; No. 29): The 2015 version of the team returned, thanks to a cameo appearance from the 2015 version of the Giants.
25. Bills (1-2; No. 31): LeSean McCoy’s hard-charging runs made it clear that he was very happy about the change in coordinators.
26. 49ers (1-2; No. 22): The 49ers are unstoppable, when they have seven months to get ready for a game.
27. Lions (1-2; No. 23): No one expected them to win in Green Bay for a second straight year, but that doesn’t make “1-2” look any better.
28. Chargers (1-2; No. 27): Another week, another season-ending injury to a key player.
29. Saints (0-3; No. 24): If 2017 free agency were to begin right now, the Saints possibly would have a chance to turn things around.
30. Jaguars (0-3; No. 28): “Here are the Jaguars, London. Much earlier than usual. Before they have a really, really bad record.”
31. Browns (0-3; No. 32): Maybe Terrelle Pryor should kick field goals, too.
32. Bears (0-3; No. 30): The Bears aren’t who we thought they were. They’re worse.