Saturday morning one-liners

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The Dolphins can pay for the election that will determine whether public money will help pay for renovations at Sun Life Stadium.

The Bills’ endless quest for a new quarterback has led them to Oklahoma QB Landry Jones.

The Patriots have only five picks in the 2013 draft, lowest in franchise history.

Here’s a look at the Jets’ draft needs.  (Wouldn’t it be easier to just say “everything”?)

Steelers players showed up nearly two hours late for a charity basketball game; WR Antonio Brown arrived on time, and he worked the crowd until everyone else got there.

Whenever the Browns find a star player, the fame ends up being fleeting.

Ravens DL Bryan Hall is moving to ILB.

Aaron Maybin could contend for a starting job at LB with the Bengals.

Texans QB Matt Schaub says the presence of P Shane Lechler will make Schaub more likely to “play it safe and throw the ball out of bounds” on third down.  (Not to be confused with playing it risky . . . and throwing the ball out of bounds on third down.)

Colts owner Jim Irsay apparently thinks we criticized him for something we never criticized him for.

New Jaguars WR Mohamed Massaquoi likely fits in at No. 4 on the depth chart, for now.

Titans S Bernard Pollard says Michael Griffin reminds Pollard of Ed Reed.

The Broncos’ official website characterizes the team’s preseason schedule as “demanding.”  (Perhaps as in “anyone who pays for preseason tickets should be demanding a refund.”)

The Chiefs’ official website is doing its best to persuade fans not to be demanding a refund for their preseason tickets.  (Which is better, we suppose, than having them demand a refund for their regular-season tickets.)

With LB Rolando McClain being released, the Raiders now have as many first-round non-kickers they’ve drafted as they have first-round kickers they’ve drafted.

Chargers G Johnnie Troutman, a fifth-round pick in 2012 who tore a pectoral muscle in the days before the draft, is expected to push for a starting job.

Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has signed a three-year endorsement deal with Jordan Brand.

The nephew of Giants co-owner John Mara, also named John Mara, will be formally arraigned Tuesday on assault charges arising from allegedly hitting another man in the head with a bottle on New Year’s Eve.

With CB DeAngelo Hall re-signing after being released, the Redskins will have 21 of 22 starters back in 2013.

On Friday, the Eagles worked out Oklahoma OT Lane Johnson at an “undisclosed location.”  (Hopefully, no one got shot in the face by Dick Cheney.)

The Lions will bring in DE/LB Dion Jordan for a pre-draft visit.

Packers Hall of Famer Forrest Gregg is facing Parkinson’s disease the only way he knows how:  head on.

The Bears unwittingly were pulled into a dispute involving an anti-gay marriage group that was offering signed memorabilia for a raffle.

Minnesota officials will spend more money to market electronic gambling games that have failed to generate enough money for the Vikings’ new stadium.

Charlotte mayor Anthony Foxx, in announcing his decision not to run for a third term, said that the Panthers have “become part of the fabric of Charlotte” and that a future owner “could move the team.”

The center, right guard, and right tackle positions for the Falcons currently are unsettled.

Here’s a look at free agents the Saints could consider.

Buccaneers DE Adrian Clayborn visited patients at the Shriners Hospitals for Children-Tampa this week.

During an Easter weekend visit to his hometown, Seahawks WR Doug Baldwin delivered six computers to a Pensacola school.

The line of the day comes from Kent Somers regarding new Cardinals coach Bruce Arians:  “In three months on the job, Arians has raised more eyebrows than a plastic surgeon.”

The 49ers had better keep the checkbook out, if statements like this are going to appear on the official website:  “[T]he team has continued its recent trend of rewarding hard-working draft picks with long-term financial commitments.”

From the “Nepotism Only Takes You So Far” file, former Rams de facto defensive coordinator Blake Williams has been hired as a defensive coaching consultant at William Jewell College.