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Saturday one-liners


From the “Who Doesn’t Belong and Whhhhhhyyyyyyy?” file, Pop Warner football will honor on Saturday night the Patriots, Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez, former Patriots TE Ben Coates, Redskins RB Alfred Morris, and Nancy Kerrigan.

The Bills’ new defense is designed to create confusion.  (Unlike the team’s recent defenses, the confusion ideally will be experienced by the members of the opposing offense.)

Dolphins OT Jonathan Martin is “excited” (calm down, Tebow) for the chance to play on the left side, and he has bulked up to help improve his performance.

When scouts went to Tennessee to watch wideouts Cordarrelle Patterson and Justin Hunter, they’d emerge curious about Jets WR Zach Rogers.

P Brian Moorman is more than a camp leg for the Steelers.

The Browns are shaking up their media relations department.

Ravens LB Elvis Dumervil already is emerging as a leader.

Here’s a look at whether Bengals CB Leon Hall is underrated.

Texans QB Matt Schaub says he’s his toughest critic.  (That makes me feel like less of a jerk.  Slightly.)

Titans WR Kendall Wright is determined to make more big plays in 2013.

Former Jaguars TE Pete Mitchell autographed a photo of himself being chased by Ray Lewis in creative fashion.

Colts G.M. Ryan Grigson will be honored next month by the National Football Foundation.

The Chiefs’ offensive linemen are learning fast, thanks to having not one but two position coaches, Andy Heck and Eugene Chung.

Here’s a look at possible surprises on the Broncos’ final 53-man roster.

Raiders LB Nick Roach said it’s obvious his teammates showed up for OTAs ready to work.

Former Chargers coach Sid Gillman is No. 18 on ESPN’s all-time list of coaches.

Redskins LT Trent Williams thinks the team’s offense doesn’t put QB Robert Griffin III at risk, because the plays on which he injured his knee weren’t “called runs.”

Cowboys DT Josh Brent has been placed on a new portable alcohol monitoring system that requires urine and breath testing at regular and random intervals.

It’s still too early to know who’ll win the starting quarterback job for the Eagles.

When the Giants recently welcomed the Manchester City Football Club to the Timex Performance Center, defender Micah Richards passed on the chance to catch balls from the JUGS machine; “I don’t trust my hands actually,” Richards said.

Vikings RB Adrian Peterson doesn’t believe in same-sex marriage, but he also doesn’t believe P Chris Kluwe’s support for it got him cut.

Lions S Ricardo Silva heard that people thought he was a little slow last season, so he has worked on getting faster.

LB Brian Urlacher says of the Bears organization:  “There’s one person I could really take or leave.”  (Bill Swerski?)

A Janesville, Wisconsin couple has won the truck previously owned by Packers QB Aaron Rodgers.  (It’s a Ford, which is fitting, since the Fords and Rodgers separately own the Lions.)

Panthers QB Cam Newton has a new clothing line at Belk, the store with the name that sounds like an interrupted burp.

Retired Buccaneers DB Rondé Barber has gotten the key to the city of Tampa.  (There’s only one condition:  He can’t loan it to Tiki.)

Saints coach Sean Payton apparently spent plenty of time working out during his one-season suspension.

A Georgia man is accused of trying to alter checks written by Falcons WR Julio Jones and Falcons CB Christopher Owens.

Rams WR Tavon Austin took a few handoffs during practice on Friday.

Seahawks WR Justin Veltung can perform a 56-inch standing box jump.

With the Cardinals drafting LB Alex Okafor, LB Sam Acho once again will help mentor Okafor.

Decensae White, a star basketball player at San Francisco State University and a former college roommate of 49ers WR Michael Crabtree, has been arrested on suspicion of murdering rapper Lil’ Phat, also known as Melvin Vernell III.  (And here’s where we emphasize that Decensae White, not Michael Crabtree, faces the murder charge.  Not Michael Crabtree.  Not Crabtree.  Not.  Crab.  Tree.)

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8 Responses to “Saturday one-liners”
  1. thegreatgabbert says: May 25, 2013 4:00 PM

    I think the common thread between Hernandez, Coates, Morris, and Nancy K. is that they all have bad knees.

  2. thegreatgabbert says: May 25, 2013 4:02 PM

    The rapper FORMERLY known as Lil’ Phat.

  3. chezdigital says: May 25, 2013 4:07 PM

    I love the comment about the Bills! I’m from Buffalo and always pulling for my boys, and it’s always hard to build a lot of hope for fear of a letdown. After all these years, all we’ve asked for are wholesale changes, so I’m looking forward to seeing what happens the next two seasons, albeit with bated breath. #signjairus

  4. wacco4flacco says: May 25, 2013 4:11 PM

    So was it Crabtree or not who was arrested for murder?

  5. wisewoo says: May 25, 2013 6:05 PM

    Belk is just a cheaper J-Crew. Basically all the same stuff.

    Also I’ve seen Cam’s line up and I’m not totally sure it’s going to be a hit… Despite the fact that I am a Panthers fan.

  6. rajbais says: May 25, 2013 6:33 PM

    “Texans QB Matt Schaub says he’s his toughest critic. (That makes me feel like less of a jerk. Slightly.)”

    I will “feel like less of a jerk (slightly)” when you actually realize that the Texans aren’t this 0-16 team that you ALWAYS characterize them as.

    They’re going to win the AFC South!!

  7. tangysizzl says: May 25, 2013 7:03 PM

    “(It’s a Ford, which is fitting, since the Fords and Rodgers separately own the Lions.)”

    Very clever and so damn true. Good one.

  8. axespray says: May 26, 2013 3:44 PM

    I wouldn’t brag about my team winning the AFC south…

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