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Saturday morning one-liners

Larry Fitzgerald AP

Former Dolphins CB Sam Madison is training to run a half marathon organized by the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation; Madison’s wife has Crohn’s disease.

Former Bills WR Andre Reed has accepted a Bill Walsh Minority Coaching Fellowship position with the Chiefs.

Jets special-teams coordinator Ben Kotwica sees the correlation between his new job and his time as an Army captain in the Iraq war.

The Patriots’ official website could be sending up a trial balloon regarding the possible addition of Tim Tebow to the team.

Bengals founder Paul Brown comes in at No. 6 on ESPN’s list of greatest coaches in NFL history.

Browns players aren’t thinking about the scandal involving Pilot Flying J, the company run by the team’s owner, Jimmy Haslam.

The Tallahassee Boys and Girls Club has dedicated a room to Steelers CB William Gay; “The Boys and Girls Club, that’s where I was at since I was 9 years old all the way until I was 16,” Gay said.  “It’s an honor and I’ll forever cherish it.”

Ravens LB Albert McClellan has missed OTAs after offseason shoulder surgery.

One of the Titans’ news acquisitions at middle linebacker wants to knock starter Colin McCarthy the Fokou off the field.

RB Ahmad Bradshaw, 27, would provide a boost to the Colts’ running game.

Jaguars G Uche Nwaneri had stem cells removed from his hip and injected into his knee in order to regrow cartilage.

Texans LB Daryl Sharpton looks forward to hitting someone — and to not getting injured when he does.

Chiefs CB Sean Smith says the team’s defense is “very special.”

Broncos rookie DE Quanterus Smith returned to practice for the first time since tearing an ACL less than seven months ago.

QB Jeff Garcia thinks he could start right now for the Raiders.

Chargers OT D.J. Fluker gives himself a C-plus and rising.  (There’s a crack about the grading habits of SEC schools lurking in here somewhere, but I’m a C-plus and holding when it comes to creativity.)

Cowboys receivers coach Derek Dooley says that rookie WR Terrance Williams is “starting to make a lot of plays in practice,” but that he’s “still got a long way to go.”

Giants coach Tom Coughlin isn’t ready to assume DE Jason Pierre-Paul will be back for Week One.

Phil Sheridan of the Philadelphia Inquirer thinks Eagles QB Mike Vick doesn’t get it.  (Did he ever?)

Yes, the endless obsession with Redskins QB Robert Griffin III has now shifted to comparing the knee brace he wore last year to the one he’s wearing this year.  (Wake me up when he’s wearing either brace on the other leg.)

The Packers donated a playing surface previously used on Ray Nitschke Field to the Journey House in Milwaukee.

So will Bears QB Jay Cutler wear his wedding ring on his middle finger?

The Vikings will install a new surface at TCF Bank Stadium that will be painted for separately for NFL and college games.  (There’s a crack about adding field markings that will help QB Christian Ponder find open receivers lurking in here somewhere, but I’m a C-plus and holding when it comes to creativity.)

Lions WR Nate Burleson and LB Stephen Tulloch will square off today in their second annual charity softball game.

The local soccer team could end up playing in the Falcons’ new stadium.

Panthers WR Armanti Edwards could finally be getting a chance to shine in Carolina.

Buccaneers RT Demar Dotson is determined to become the best in the league at his position.

Saints RB Mark Ingram is stuck behind Pierre Thomas and Darren Sproles on the depth chart.  (There’s a crack about Ingram taking out a bounty on Thomas and Sproles lurking in here somewhere, but I’m a C-plus and holding when it comes to creativity, and when it comes to knowing when to quit using the same marginally-funny line.)

Rams coach Jeff Fisher will host his annual celebrity softball game on Sunday.

Seahawks DE Michael Bennett was signed to rush from the inside in passing situations, but he has been spending a lot of time at defensive end in offseason workouts.

The Field of Jeans is getting a little more expensive, with a new estimated cost of $1.3 billion.  (Zoolander says that’s a lotta jeans.)

Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald drew high praise from Jags WR Cecil Shorts, who said that in the offseason Fitzgerald “goes out there and works like he is broke.”

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8 Responses to “Saturday morning one-liners”
  1. JSpicoli says: Jun 8, 2013 11:18 AM

    Lol Jeff Garcia

  2. prmpft says: Jun 8, 2013 1:25 PM

    “So will Bears QB Jay Cutler wear his wedding ring on his middle finger?”…
    listen, he probably will try to weasel out of wearing it at all since he is the biggest QUITTER on the face of the earth…He won’t be married at the end of next year – while he’s sitting out for a painful hangnail that the ‘trainers/doctors’ will advise him (rightly so) that he shouldn’t try to play through…move on Bears…

  3. dolphins4 says: Jun 8, 2013 1:37 PM

    I hope Nick Foles wins the Eagles starting QB job.

  4. TheWizard says: Jun 8, 2013 2:13 PM

    Love Tebow, but the Pats are stacked at any position he could possibly play. I can’t see where they would fit him in.

  5. larryboodry says: Jun 8, 2013 2:41 PM

    Congrats to Jay and Kristin…And if Jay wants to give the middle finger to all the haters out there (including you, prmpft), that is fine by me.

    Go Bears!

  6. lanman11 says: Jun 8, 2013 5:48 PM

    Belichick is going to sit down and explain to Tebow why he is having trouble as ab NFL QB. He’s going to show him his own tape, and then he’s going to show Brady’s tape from 12 years ago, and show him even then how much farther along Brady was. Then he’s going to pitch it to Tebow that he needs to hang around and learn from Tom for a few years and then have a shot to take over when Tom retires. In the mean time, Tebow serves in other positions and as an emergency QB, and the Pats get to carry a possible replacement for Tom without having to waste a roster spot.

  7. lanman11 says: Jun 8, 2013 5:48 PM

    Belichick is going to sit down and explain to Tebow why he is having trouble as an NFL QB. He’s going to show him his own tape, and then he’s going to show Brady’s tape from 12 years ago, and show him even then how much farther along Brady was. Then he’s going to pitch it to Tebow that he needs to hang around and learn from Tom for a few years and then have a shot to take over when Tom retires. In the mean time, Tebow serves in other positions and as an emergency QB, and the Pats get to carry a possible replacement for Tom without having to waste a roster spot.

  8. souldogdave says: Jun 8, 2013 7:19 PM

    Garcia! Matt Flynn says shut up!

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