Skip to content

Greetings from hell

It was an eventful weekend at PFT headquarters.  Among several other developments I won’t bore you with here (in part because one of them served as the official annual reminder of my eventual demise), I learned that I’m the devil.

Yes, according to Terrell Owens, I am Satan.

In fairness, Owens didn’t single me out specifically.  He used a broad brush, calling the entire website Satan.  But since it’s my website, I’ll gladly wear the hooves.

It’s unclear why T.O. is upset.  The Friday item from MDS regarding T.O.’s recent Bruce-Willis-at-the-end-of-The-Sixth-Sense-style realization that it’s over didn’t take any shots at Owens, other than to point out the obvious fact that he continues to deal with a reputation for being a bad teammate. Which is hardly breaking news.

And my follow-up regarding Owens’ current eligibility for the Hall of Fame in 2016 points out that he’ll inevitably make it.  But I also mentioned that the way he conducted himself could slow him down by a year or two.  (Many of you disagreed with me, amazingly finding Owens unworthy of Canton.  He definitely should be there.)

A day later, Owens took to Twitter with this inspiring message:  “I have the victory in the name of Jesus.  Satan (@ProFootballTalk) is under my feet.  I am not moved by adverse circumstances.”

It was humorous, but also typical or T.O. and thus, ultimately, a little sad.  The man who perfected the art of externalizing blame still continues to do so.

Never is anything his fault, except when he sees the potential benefit of swallowing a small chunk of his pride and admitting he has made mistakes as part of a last-ditch effort to continue his career.

Somehow, the media has poisoned every NFL General Manager into thinking that Owens is unfit for employment.  Yes, his absence from an NFL roster at a time when there are nearly 2,900 available spots have nothing to do with Owens’ age or his declining skills or his attitude or his history.  He has been involuntarily exiled for two full seasons and counting because of all the things that demons like us have written and said about him.

My knee-jerk response came on Twitter, with a link to one of my favorite TV scenes of all time.  Peter King of was intrigued by T.O.’s allegation, possibly since King has to deal with me on Sundays during football season.  (He now knows not to accept any apples I may offer him.)  So Peter asked for a more detailed response, which he published today.

“I realize Terrell is frustrated about the fact that no one is interested in giving him a roster spot,” I told King.  “If my willingness to point that out or to analyze the possible reasons for it or to mention some of the many ill-advised things he has done throughout his career for which he since has expressed remorse makes me the devil, then give me my pitchfork and feel free to play ring toss on either or both of my horns.”

Actually, I should have said this:  “Like my boy tells me:  ‘If it looks like a devil and smells like a devil, by golly, it is a devil.'”

So, yes, in the mind of Terrell Owens, I am the devil.  Which means that this is hell.

Welcome.  And don’t worry, it’ll only feel like an eternity.

Permalink 40 Comments Feed for comments Latest Stories in: Buffalo Bills, Cincinnati Bengals, Dallas Cowboys, Home, Philadelphia Eagles, Rumor Mill, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks
40 Responses to “Greetings from hell”
  1. justwinbaby29 says: Jun 10, 2013 11:19 AM

    Love the David Puddy photo!

  2. 44mpo says: Jun 10, 2013 11:20 AM

    You better repent Florio because I suspect if anyone knows hell it’s Owens.

  3. logicalvoicesays says: Jun 10, 2013 11:21 AM

    Griffin, Morris and the Holy Garcon. The Holy Trinity of Professional Football. #GodBLESStheREDSKINS

  4. MichaelWrites says: Jun 10, 2013 11:25 AM

    I am so jealous. T.O. says that Florio is Satan but completely ignores all my love letters.

  5. peoplesrepublic0fdabayarea says: Jun 10, 2013 11:25 AM


  6. countmahdrof says: Jun 10, 2013 11:26 AM

    Not Satan, just a lawyer (I know, some think that there is little distinction).

  7. therealhardt says: Jun 10, 2013 11:27 AM

    it’s sad when narcissists like TO invoke the name of Jesus…

  8. habsman says: Jun 10, 2013 11:30 AM

    While you’re down there, say Hi to my mother-in-law for me.

  9. CKL says: Jun 10, 2013 11:35 AM

    The best way to deal with delusional fools like TO is not to respond to their silly accusations.
    Unless you were trying to egg him on on purpose, in w hich case, carry on!

  10. eatitfanboy says: Jun 10, 2013 11:35 AM

    You’re not Satan. But your maniacal, perfectly innocent comment deleting moderators just might be.

  11. fooleusa says: Jun 10, 2013 11:35 AM

    I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints…so pass me a cauldron and a pitchfork…think I’ll hang around and work on my scortch for a while.

    The thing that’s maddening about T.O. is HE IS ONE OF US!!! He’s a devil if there ever was one. But, he’s gone all sanctimonious on the rest of us and now thinks he can pass judgement. If you don’t want to be seen as a colorful, disruptive, obnoxious guy when you’re out of the game, you shouldn’t have been a colorful, disruptive, obnoxious guy when you played the game, Terrell.

    Come join the rest of us in Hell, Terrell. Yes it’s hot. But it’s a dry heat.

  12. thegreatgabbert says: Jun 10, 2013 11:35 AM

    This was known from the beginning. Your parents took their first look at you, and agreed.
    “He’s a cute little devil.”.

  13. bunkslurpscrabmustard says: Jun 10, 2013 11:36 AM

    PUDDY! The 8-ball leather jacket is legendary.

  14. 4thqtrsaint says: Jun 10, 2013 11:37 AM

    Florio rocks. He just does.

  15. johnelwayishorsefaced says: Jun 10, 2013 11:43 AM

    While I didn’t read the post by MDS to which you’re referring you must realize that he, and to a lesser extent Gantt, write some pretty caustic, biased pieces on this site from time to time. I’m sure to a certain extent it’s on purpose to generate clicks but at times it’s a bit much.
    You on the other hand can pull it off without coming across as mean spirited because you are an intelligent person and a pretty good writer. I don’t mind you insulting my team because you do it in a witty manner that usually makes me laugh. Some others here have such hatred towards and bias against certain teams that they are unable to mask it and it comes through very clearly in their writing.
    I’m just being honest. Not talking trash or anything like that. PFT is my favorite website but sometimes I wish that a couple of you could be a little more balanced in your writing. I doubt that this will even make it past the censors but I hope that it does because I’m just trying to offer constructive criticism.

  16. firestarter0728 says: Jun 10, 2013 11:44 AM

    I would be proud to be called Satan by the likes of Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, and/or Tim Tebow.

  17. ddaughtry81 says: Jun 10, 2013 11:45 AM

    The guy has not played in the NFL for two years. There is no need for you to write an article on PFT as to why he has no job. The topic has been exhausted. You are not the devil but kicking someone while they’re down has an element of evil to it. He does not need you or anyone else pointing out his past. He is human and I believe very few people would like to see their past brought up time and time again when they are trying to move forward. Especially in a public forum.

  18. tinbender2000 says: Jun 10, 2013 11:49 AM

    Happy Birthday Mike

  19. geo91 says: Jun 10, 2013 11:49 AM

    Wow no one cares!

  20. cbo68 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:03 PM

    Oh, Florio, you so crazy! There’s no way in that place that you’re the devil. I divorced her five years ago and you look nothing like her.

  21. logicaillvoicesays says: Jun 10, 2013 12:12 PM

    The knee, the who, and the true number2. The Holy Trinity of Professional Football.
    #God Bless the Snyder

  22. camdenyard says: Jun 10, 2013 12:15 PM

    When did you get to Cleveland?

  23. patriotenvy says: Jun 10, 2013 12:18 PM

    “Gotta support the team”

  24. tlmoon2112 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:21 PM

    Clearly T.O. has never met Little Nicky Saban.

  25. stairwayto7 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:26 PM

    Know you know he reads you column!

  26. thomashardy88 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:34 PM

    The Devil said; “Welcome to hell but, at least it’s a dry heat.”

  27. ajm323 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:45 PM

    dios mio! es el diablo!!

  28. racerx1225 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:46 PM

    peoplesrepublic0fdabayarea says:
    Jun 10, 2013 11:25 AM

    What a moron you are? Really, a lobotomized monkey could do better than that Einstein.

  29. fmwarner says: Jun 10, 2013 12:54 PM

    racerx1225 says: Jun 10, 2013 12:46 PM

    What a moron you are? Really, a lobotomized monkey could do better than that Einstein.

    Sorry, the lobotomized monkey is too busy interviewing to be the Raiders’ coach to make jokes.

  30. lightcleric says: Jun 10, 2013 1:07 PM

    Irsay calling you Floor Sweeper was better, imo.

  31. granadafan says: Jun 10, 2013 1:11 PM

    TO never got it and never will. He’s always playing the victim and never admitted what a jerk he was/is. That said, it’s a bit unfair that media members vote on the Hall of Fame. Many of them hold grudges and refuse to vote for players who gave them a hard time during the player’s playing days. That’s just petty BS and should have their ability to vote taken away.

  32. thegonz13 says: Jun 10, 2013 1:29 PM

    Hey, Beelzebub, in related news, Nick Saban complained that you usurped his nickname!

  33. 11inthebox says: Jun 10, 2013 1:35 PM

    Every writer/reporter/producer in media should thank their personal God for Terrell Owens.

    His presence made the game that much more interesting, fun, and original. He was never short on material and never, ever boring.

  34. wwwmattcom says: Jun 10, 2013 6:56 PM

    The media should get a lot of credit for player selection or avoidance of selection. If the media reports it, it must be true!? Or some truth but which truth? Its personal with the media, they want to know what makes people tick and eventually tick them off. I would prefer if the NFL was all business. I don’t need to know that TO was a disruption. I am not a GM or coach. I am a fan and I just want more games because the more time to speculate is wasted time. The NFL is a cash cow and just talking about it (pft) is another way to cash in without producing.

  35. seahawks19081 says: Jun 10, 2013 7:37 PM

    I know this will only fuel his fire, but every time I read comments and see something from locigalvoicesays I literally feel my blood pressure rise. How is this idiot allowed to post here?

  36. pagan67 says: Jun 10, 2013 7:39 PM

    T.O. had great ability and could have been an all-time great, but like so many others, lets his ego get in the way and make an ass of himself. I thought he was comical and amazing to watch, and I didn’t join the haters, until he came to Dallas.

    After about the 5 time of watching him drop a 3rd and long that hit him square in the hands. Camera zooms in on him and he has this big grin on his face, like ‘Oops, haha, sorry guys’, I lost all respect. Now, I enjoy the mockery he makes of himself.

    Good on ya, Florio! Make him go all ‘Amy’s Bakery’ style on twitter!

  37. Canyonero says: Jun 11, 2013 12:25 AM


  38. mrlynch33 says: Jun 11, 2013 7:01 PM

    I thought TO played pretty well in Cincy. Just sayin’…

  39. gimmeabruschi says: Aug 5, 2013 8:02 PM

    I guarantee you TO is still better than some WRs that will make an NFL roster.

  40. racistredskins says: Nov 8, 2013 1:29 PM

    The Fins should sign him, he’d be a step up leadership wise.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!