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Saturday morning one-liners

Simms AP

Jets QB Matt Simms was fined $7,875 for simulating a gunshot after throwing a touchdown pass.  (To date, he has been largely unable to simulate an NFL quarterback.)

Here’s a look at the Bills’ effort to get to 53.

Former Dolphins QB Dan Marino threw out the first pitch at a recent Pirates game.

Could the press conferences delivered this year by Jets coach Rex Ryan determine whether he gets a TV job next season?

Ravens coach John Harbaugh said TE Dennis Pitta (hip) could be placed on injured reserve with designation to return.

The Browns plan to hit the waiver wire hard.

Steelers OT Mike Adams, who was suspended five games at Ohio State in that memorable tats-for-gear scandal, isn’t pleased that Johnny Manziel received only a 30-minute suspension.

The Bengals have ponied up $200,000 for the construction of a new football field at a local school.

It looks like Jaguars RB Jordan Todman has won a spot on the Week One roster.

The Texans’ home field will be invaded by Oklahoma State and Mississippi State on Saturday.

Despite a high salary and a reduced role, LB Kamerion Wimbley remains in the team’s plans for 2013.

The Colts opted for evaluations over terminations on Friday.

Someone stole the $120,000 Range Rover owned by Broncos LB Shaun Phillips.

Yes, the Raiders apparently will be starting at left tackle a guy who has never played left tackle.

Tyler Bray remains the third quarterback on the Chiefs’ roster, for now.

It’ll be white helmet, white shirts, and white pants when the Chargers welcome the Texans to town on the opening Monday night of the season.  (The home team should have the white flags ready, too.)

With 11 tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble in the preseason finale, Eagles LB Emmanuel Acho made a big push to make the team.

Giants RB David Wilson is ready to prove he can be the team’s goal-line back in the absence of Andre Brown.

Could Redskins CB David Amerson be the steal of the draft?

A judge has denied a request to exclude the 0.18 percent BAC reading generated by former Cowboys DT Josh Brent from his intoxication manslaughter case.

The Packers may be better on defense than they were in recent years.  (Which really isn’t saying much.)

Lions CB Darius Slay showed considerable improvement over his last two preseason games.  (Then again, facing Tom Brady one week and Matt Leinart the next would be conducive to that.)

LB Desmond Bishop thinks he has done enough to earn a starting job with the Vikings.

Bears WE Joe Anderson wants to be great, not good.

Saints QB Drew Brees says that the team “can accomplish great things.”

Panthers LB Greg Hardy thinks of his contract year as a “breakout year.”

The Falcons have reiterated that WR Roddy White (ankle) will be ready for Week One.

The Buccaneers invited 30 fans who made the trek to DT Warren Sapp’s Hall of Fame enshrinement to the owners suite for the preseason finale.

Rams coach Jeff Fisher shrugs at mistakes made by his team during the preseason.

49ers LB Cam Johnson could be forcing his way into a roster spot.

As meaningless games go, the Seahawks were dominant.

Cardinals coach Bruce Arians had some advice for players who haven’t been cut through Friday:  “Don’t go buy a car yet.”

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14 Responses to “Saturday morning one-liners”
  1. clayminator says: Aug 31, 2013 8:10 AM

    I just love how the Packers defense gets ripped constantly by the ignorant….granted they were blasted by Kap in the playoffs and Peterson had his way in the regular season, but the stats say otherwise.

    11th in yards
    11th in points
    4th in passer rating
    4th in sacks
    8th in INT’s
    4th in passer pct.
    8th in yards per attempt

    Oh, BTW the Packers lead the vikes in every single one of those categories.

  2. Sonny says: Aug 31, 2013 8:48 AM

    You trying to get Phil Simms to punch ya in the face?

  3. chadman128 says: Aug 31, 2013 9:08 AM

    Hey stat boy it’s summer, go outside and play!!!

  4. mempusa says: Aug 31, 2013 9:10 AM

    No Pats?

  5. stevegrogan says: Aug 31, 2013 9:13 AM

    Needless (and unfair) cheap shot on Matt Simms, Mike. You should be better than that.

  6. smackingfools says: Aug 31, 2013 9:26 AM

    Fined for simulating a gun? Wow. Welcome to America!

  7. tedmurph says: Aug 31, 2013 9:32 AM

    Two Jets one liners to none for the Pats. At least the Jets can beat them at something.

  8. nananatman says: Aug 31, 2013 9:33 AM

    33/44 for 285-0TD-0INT with a 103.3 passer rating. Where are all the Simms haters now?

  9. tokyosandblaster says: Aug 31, 2013 9:33 AM

    Perhaps you guys can get some new reporters for this one liner thing. Then you could be better at journalism than you are now (which really isn’t saying much).

  10. clayminator says: Aug 31, 2013 9:37 AM

    chadman128 says: Aug 31, 2013 9:08 AM

    Hey stat boy it’s summer, go outside and play!!!

    ———-

    hilarious!

    but in all reality chadboy, the Packers are going to the Super Bowl….book it!

  11. arwiv says: Aug 31, 2013 9:40 AM

    From what I’ve seen, Simms has been simulating an NFL qb better than geno has.

    Btw, just my opinion….but the only person who has the right to ever make fun of a guy who isn’t quite good enough to make it in the NFL is a guy who HAS made it in the NFL. And that pretty much goes for any pro sport.

  12. cwk22 says: Aug 31, 2013 9:59 AM

    Simms didn’t look that bad.

  13. rasalghoul says: Aug 31, 2013 10:34 AM

    Some of you people are getting WAY too worked up over these one liners. This guys job consists of copy/paste links for sports stories and some color commentary. Take it with a grain of salt…

  14. vgferenzi says: Aug 31, 2013 11:18 AM

    clayminator says:
    Aug 31, 2013 8:10 AM
    I just love how the Packers defense gets ripped constantly by the ignorant….granted they were blasted by Kap in the playoffs and Peterson had his way in the regular season, but the stats say otherwise.

    11th in yards
    11th in points
    4th in passer rating
    4th in sacks
    8th in INT’s
    4th in passer pct.
    8th in yards per attempt

    Oh, BTW the Packers lead the vikes in every single one of those categories.
    =================================

    Don’t know what stats you’re looking at

    INT’s tied for last with 8
    Def TDs tied for last with 0
    17th in rushing yards but 26th in rush y/a
    15th in 3rd down %
    only one team had more defensive penalties numbers and yards
    20th in takeaways

    Don’t make up stats to come trash talk…

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