1. Broncos (3-0; last week No. 1): No Ryan Clady? No problem! (As long as no one breaks Peyton Manning in half.)
2. Seahawks (3-0; No. 2): At least one of the young mobile quarterbacks who did so well in 2012 is still thriving.
3. Ravens (2-1; No. 6): What time is it? Not time to get on the party bus.
4. Saints (3-0; No. 7): When the Dolphins come to town next week, they should get the key to the city for not offering Drew Brees a contract in 2006.
5. Patriots (3-0; No. 8): Maybe if Tom Brady had better receivers, they’d be able to catch all those inaccurate passes he has been throwing.
6. Bears (3-0; No. 10): The Superfans are starting to mutter “Trestman.”
7. Bengals (2-1; No. 11): The old Bengals wouldn’t have come back from a 30-14 deficit after blowing a 14-0 lead. Then again, the old Bengals never would have had the 14-0 lead.
8. Dolphins (3-0; No. 12): Three wins gets Jeff Ireland an extension? If they win the Super Bowl, maybe he’ll be given ownership of the team.
9. Chiefs (3-0; No. 13): Big Red hosts Big Blue, only 10 days after the biggest win the Chiefs have had in a while.
10. Texans (2-1; No. 3): If Matt Schaub keeps playing like he has the past two weeks, he won’t have to worry about losing in the playoffs again.
11. Colts (2-1; No. 19): If the Colts traded for Trent Richardson to light a fire under Ahmad Bradshaw, the deal was a tremendous success.
12. 49ers (1-2; No. 4): The 49ers are saying farewell to Candlestick Park by playing like the teams that used to play there. Before 1981.
13. Packers (1-2; No. 5): Aaron Rodgers wasn’t yelling at Mike McCarthy. Aaron Rodgers was yelling with Mike McCarthy.
14. Cowboys (2-1; No. 16): At least we’ve determined Tony Romo knows how to hand the ball off like Peyton Manning.
15. Falcons (1-2; No. 9): Having home playoff games is overrated, if you can’t win them.
16. Lions (2-1; No. 18): After not beating the Redskins in their own building since before they were known as “Washington,” maybe the Lions will next beat them in Washington after they’re no longer known as “Redskins.”
17. Titans (2-1; No. 23): Bud Adams wasn’t giving anyone the finger on Sunday. He was just pointing out that the Chargers had single coverage on Justin Hunter.
18. Chargers (1-2; No. 14): The Chargers either had no respect for Jake Locker, or no idea how to defend the goal line with the game on the line. Or both.
19. Eagles (1-2; No. 15): The Eagles wrongly assumed they were done losing when Andy Reid was on the sidelines.
20. Panthers (1-2; No. 27): From Week Three last year to Week Three this year, the Panthers had a 67-point swing against the Giants.
21. Cardinals (1-2; No. 17): Rashad Johnson gives new meaning to giving the finger.
22. Rams (1-2; No. 20): Trailing by double digits in every game this season, the Rams are lucky to be 1-2.
23. Raiders (1-2; No. 21): Injured? Rub a little sewage on it.
24. Jets (2-1; No. 28): The Chiefs already have won more games than they did in 2012, and the Jets have already won more games than anyone thought they would in 2013.
25. Bills (1-2; No. 24): Forgot about circling the wagons. After Sunday, the Bills need to circle the gurneys.
26. Browns (1-2; No. 30): If the Browns hope for offensive balance, the leading rusher needs to be someone other than the defensive back who pulled off a fake punt.
27. Giants (0-3; No. 22): Before the Giants can prevail in a “must win” game, they must score.
28. Vikings (0-3; No. 25): Adrian Peterson currently is pace for about 1,000 yards less than his goal.
29. Redskins (0-3; No. 26): RG0-and-III has a nice ring to it. It could be the only ring that’ll be associated with that name, for a while at least.
30. Steelers (0-3; No. 29): How long until Todd Haley autographs a napkin by writing “Steelers suck”?
31. Buccaneers (0-3; No. 31): Coach Greg Schiano says quarterback Josh Freeman will remain the starter. Which also could be his punishment for not showing up for the team photo.
32. Jaguars (0-3; No. 32): The good news? Blaine Gabbert will be back this week. The bad news? Blaine Gabbert will be back this week, along with the rest of the team.