1. Broncos (4-0; last week No. 1): This may be the best Peyton Manning has ever played, but it’s far from being the best team he’s ever played on.
2. Seahawks (4-0; No. 2): The more the Seahawks can steal wins on the road in the regular season, the less likely they’ll have to steal wins on the road in the postseason.
3. Saints (4-0; No. 4): Ditto for the Saints, even though they didn’t play on the road this week.
4. Patriots (4-0; No. 5): With Vince Wilfork gone for the year, the offense needs to fatten up.
5. Chiefs (4-0; No. 9): Dramatic turnarounds like this is one of the main reasons why so many owners fire so many coaches.
6. Colts (3-1; No. 11): If former Jags coach Jack Del Rio had used actual mouse traps to illustrate his team’s participation in a “trap” game, someone inevitably would have ended up with a body part caught in one of the traps.
7. Lions (3-1; No. 16): USC fans disgusted with the team’s current performance can relive 2005 by watching Reggie Bush in 2013.
8. Bears (3-1; No. 6): Maybe we’ll finally quit hearing about how the offensive line is the best since the Cowboys of the early 1990s.
9. Dolphins (3-1; No. 8): It’s rare that the ’72 Dolphins have to wait so long to pop the champagne as it relates to Dolphins.
10. Ravens (2-2; No. 3): Who’s paying Joe Flacco $20.1 million this year, the Ravens or the Bills?
11. 49ers (2-2; No. 12): The 49ers will thrive only if Colin Kaepernick tries to be Alex Smith, not Joe Montana.
12. Titans (3-1; No. 17): With his team playing well, Bud Adams can now go back to giving the finger to the opponents.
13. Packers (1-2; No. 13): With Detroit on the docket, Aaron Rodgers likely is having nightmares about a large man with two legs attached to the spot where his arms should be.
14. Browns (2-2; No. 26): It’ll be hard to get a franchise quarterback in the draft if the franchise keeps winning games.
15. Bengals (2-2; No. 7): That thrilling come-from-behind win over Green Bay didn’t have quite the impact on the Bengals most envisioned.
16. Texans (2-2; No. 10): There are now three types of teams in the NFL — teams that have a franchise quarterback, teams that are looking for a franchise quarterback, and teams that thought they had a franchise quarterback but that are realizing they didn’t.
17. Chargers (2-2; No. 18): At a time when many thought Philip Rivers needed to be fixed, people are realizing he ain’t broke.
18. Bills (2-2; No. 25): After that win over the Ravens, Stevie Johnson said Ed Reed wasn’t able to cover him.
19. Cardinals (2-2; No. 21): “We’re not in last place in the NFC West!”
20. Panthers (1-2; No. 20): “We’re not in last place in the NFC South!”
21. Cowboys (2-2; No. 14): “How in the hell are we in first place in the NFC East?”
22. Falcons (1-3; No. 15): Tony Gonzalez may not have to worry about another heartbreaking loss in the playoffs.
23. Eagles (1-3; No. 19): If Chip Kelly doesn’t have the right personnel to run “his offense,” maybe he shouldn’t be running “his offense.”
24. Rams (1-3; No. 22): At least folks in St. Louis won’t be all that upset if the team moves.
25. Jets (2-2; No. 24): From Mark Sanchez’s butt fumble to Geno Smith’s fumble off his butt, the Jets keep finding new ways to create turnovers with an assist from an ass.
26. Vikings (1-3; No. 27): Either of the teams that played in Super Bowl IX could have beaten either of the teams that showed up in London on Sunday.
27. Redskins (1-3; No. 29): The AFC West is 7-1 against the NFC East. The Redskins are the only team from their division to win. Hooray?
28. Raiders (1-3; No. 23): Annnnnnd now we know how Terrelle Pryor beat out Matt Flynn.
29. Giants (0-4; No. 27): Next year, Bill Cowher and Victor Cruz could have something more in common than a deal with Time Warner.
30. Steelers (0-4; No. 30): Sure, they’ve had three coaches since 1969 — but they’re off to their worst start since 1968.
31. Buccaneers (0-4; No. 31): Even Lane Kiffin wouldn’t be interested in trying to clean up this mess.
32. Jaguars (0-4; No. 32): If the NFL had relegation like the Premier League (only on NBC), the Jaguars would be playing on a 50-yard field with really big nets in each end zone. And scoring only three points per game.