After enduring what he described as verbal and emotional and physical abuse from Incognito on a May 4, 2013 yacht trip with several members of the offensive line, he “seriously contemplated suicide” the following day.
The next day, his growing disillusionment was represented with a list of pros and cons of playing football which he texted to a friend.
The pros included the following items:
— Football games are fun
— I can make a lot of money playing football and be set for life
— have a legacy that will live after I die
— not many people get to live their childhood dream
— I am the left tackle for the Miami dolphins
— if I quit, I’ll be known as a quitter for the rest of my life
— my legacy at Stanford will be tarnished
— I will never be able to look any coach from my past in the eye
That was followed by:
— I hate going in everyday.
— I am unable to socialize with my teammates in their crude manner
— I already have a lot of money. I could travel the world, get my degree. Then get a real job
— I could lose 70 lbs and feel good about my body
— I won’t die from CTE
— Maybe I’ll start to LIKE myself
— I don’t need to live lavishly. I could live very frugally
— why do I care about these people? All I need is my family.
It’s clear that whether Incognito disputes the facts in the report or not, that Martin was deeply conflicted about his lot in life, and his workplace relationships didn’t seem to be helping.