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A hard Draft Day’s night

Movie

Last year at this time, I received an intriguing offer.  In May, the movie Draft Day would be filming in Cleveland, and I was one of eight writers selected to have a chance to be one of the first four writers to commit to coming to the set and being in the movie.

The not-so-subtle “act now!” nature of the pitch should have made me leery.  But it’s Hollywood (OK, Cleveland).  They do things differently in Hollywood (OK, Cleveland).  And this was perhaps the only chance I’d ever have to see how they actually do things in Hollywood (OK, Cleveland).

Besides, it was worth the slim possibility of creating something like the scene from the remake of The Longest Yard, in which Peter King and others exclaim in unison, “I think he just sh-t himself!

The quid pro quo was obvious to the point of blatant.  We’d spend a day on the set of the movie, watch the sausage get made (from inside the meat grinder), and then write something about the experience as the movie approaches its release date, in conjunction with the overall effort to get people to pay $10 or whatever to see it and $20 or whatever for popcorn.

Still, I agreed to do it.  And while we got something other than what we were promised going in, 12 years of Catholic school ultimately prevented me from reneging on my agreement to write something about the experience.

So here it is.

I was told at first the project would entail an “on-camera extras scene as a sportswriter.”  At first, the scene was supposed to feature the four writers chasing Kevin Costner’s Browns G.M. character for a quote.  Later, I was told we’d possibly be dressed as crazed Browns fans at the team’s draft party. (I really wanted to don a Ryan Pontbriand jersey and shout at no one in particular, “You are a factory of sadness!“)

Ultimately, the plan was there was no plan. So when Jeff Darlington of NFL Media, Alex Marvez of FOX, Seth Wickersham of ESPN The Magazine, and yours truly arrived at the Browns facility in Berea on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, none of us knew what we would be doing.

And that was kind of the feeling for the entire day.  And night.

We went to the trailer that had been brought in just for us, just for the day (our names were on the trailer, something I think we were supposed to be a lot more impressed by than we actually were), we took a quick tour of the area, we got some food, and we sat around and waited for the next step. Darlington and I agreed at some point that, whenever the time came to be on camera — if/when we ultimately were on camera — we’d say, “I think he just sh-t himself!

Eventually, we were led to the Browns’ practice facility. In the middle of the indoor field had been built a room that was supposed to be a draft party.

And it gradually became more clear that, for us, the plan was there was no plan.

Once inside the team’s real practice facility/pretend party room, we waited. And we waited. And we waited some more.  Which isn’t necessarily a soothing experience for someone accustomed to constantly updating a website.

Eventually, the four of us ended up at a table in the pretend party room, picking at plates of food while what appeared to be a rehearsal eventually became without any warning actual filming. Caught in a room full of extras all sitting at similar round tables, we took direction about what to do after hearing, “Action!”

It was the-crowd-murmurs reaction-type stuff.  So at the appropriate time we’d try react in the appropriate way.

And while trying to execute the appropriate reaction, I’d say to Darlington, “I think he just sh-t himself!

It became more and more clear that this wasn’t what we’d signed up for.  Still, for an hour or so (maybe longer — there are fewer clocks on a movie set than in a casino, and almost as many cameras) we weren’t simply flies on the wall for the filming of a movie.  We were flies in the middle of the room.

After that part of the day ended (and following plenty of additional waiting in the practice facility), the plan continued to be, you know, no plan.  At some point, it became a given that there would be no scene at all, and that we’d simply be extras with preferential placement.

Someone abruptly asked for two of us, so Darlington and I were whisked back into the pretend party room, where we stood at a bar with Costner, who’d turn from the bar and walk away to start the scene, right after someone behind the bar carried conspicuously in front of the camera a carton bearing a huge Budweiser logo.  Between takes (and there must have been 25 versions of the same 15-second shot), we made small talk with Costner.

I’m mildly confident I didn’t say anything particularly stupid or embarrassing or grossly predictable like, “I’m a big fan; I loved you in that thing you did.”  What I remember most is that Costner seemed like an entirely normal guy, which arguably is the best compliment I can give to anyone whose job description is to continuously be someone else.

After that, more waiting.  And more waiting.  Marvez and Wickersham were given preferential extras placement for another scene shot at the draft party, while Darlington and I hung out in the back of the pretend party room reacting to the numerous takes of speeches (which seemed to have different wording each time) from Costner, Frank Langella (who plays the team’s owner), and others.  When the 150 or so extras were told to chant in unison at one particularly raucous moment, “Here we go Browns, here we go!,” I opted for “I think he just sh-t himself, I think he did!”

The same scenes were shot with cameras facing the front of the stage in the pretend party room and then, after more waiting, with cameras on the stage, facing the crowd.  They shot take after take after take so that, ultimately, director Ivan Reitman could splice together the best of the various shots and sounds and angles to make what appears to be something that happened all at once, even though it unfolded over a period of multiple hours, which extended well past midnight.

It’s given me a much more discerning eye when watching movies or TV shows, which sometimes gets in the way of just enjoying the finished product.  Every time the shot changes (and in most cases the shot changes every 2-3 seconds), there’s a very high probability that what’s shown next didn’t happen next.  It may have happened before.  It may have happened after.  It may have happened 50 different times in 50 different ways with 50 different versions of a line that had been meticulously crafted by the writers, with the director ultimately choosing slivers of anti-reality to piece together, creating the impression of events unfolding in linear time.

Which is one of the reasons why there’s such a long lag between the completion of filming a movie and the actual release of the movie.

In December, I received a call from one of the producers explaining that my Oscar-quality standing next to Kevin Costner at the start of a scene had been cut from the movie.  The alternative supposedly was some sort of a “montage.”

Sources close to me tell me that the ongoing editing process thereafter resulted in the snap-of-a-finger moment being resurrected.  The four of us actually receive mention in the credits with the designation, “As Himself.”  (Darlington attended the premiere and sent the still frame from his bootleg of the film.)

Which means that anyone who happens to not be engaging in the natural process of cleansing the bare eyeball with the retractable skin that covers it and who realizes that it’s me standing next to Costner in that flash of an instant as he walks away from the bar in a scene near the end of the movie (possibly with a demeanor that suggests, “I think that guy just sh-t himself“) will wonder why in the hell I’d spend the first night of the draft at a party in Cleveland and not, you know, attending the actual draft in New York.

When the real 2014 draft happens, that’s where I’ll be.  But at least one aspect of my role in the film will be to true to life.  On the night of the real 2014 draft, I’ll say “I think he just sh-t himself!” at least 100 times.

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35 Responses to “A hard Draft Day’s night”
  1. thestrategyexpert says: Apr 9, 2014 10:19 AM

    So did Costner draft the guy with the best 40 time?

    Or does it have a miraculous happy ending where he trades all the picks away for extra picks next year that get used in the sequel?

  2. abqpacker says: Apr 9, 2014 10:23 AM

    Thanks for sharing. Sounds remarkably similar to my experience as an “extra” on Breaking Bad.

  3. touchdownroddywhite says: Apr 9, 2014 10:24 AM

    So this whole thing was a shameless, obligatory plug. Dammit Florio! I actually read the whole article!

  4. justintuckrule says: Apr 9, 2014 10:31 AM

    You’re a better man than me. I would have said they jerked us around all day, the end.

  5. idoubtiwillbother says: Apr 9, 2014 10:33 AM

    Re: the trailer for the four of you.

    Most extras are held in a pop-up tent. All of them, in one tent. They are also not welcome at Craft Service, so, no snacking for them. You were exquisitely fortunate.

  6. coltsreign says: Apr 9, 2014 10:36 AM

    So stoked for this movie

  7. richmondbolt says: Apr 9, 2014 10:37 AM

    The previews make Draft Day look embarrassingly bad. It’s probably somewhere between that and watchable. Only because it’s football.

  8. rc33 says: Apr 9, 2014 10:38 AM

    Does Chronicle football writer John McClain have a role in this movie? Do his chins receive a separate credit?

  9. Celebrity Man Guy says: Apr 9, 2014 10:39 AM

    You’ll probably say it at least every time the Packers make a pick.

  10. chris6523 says: Apr 9, 2014 10:40 AM

    Ok, when me and my four scumbag friends go to the movie Friday night, we will all yell “I think that guy just sh!t himself” when you appear. That’ll freak everyone out, which will be fun.

  11. jmac1013 says: Apr 9, 2014 10:40 AM

    It’s a crummy commercial.

  12. fstpstr says: Apr 9, 2014 10:42 AM

    Florio, I’ve read thousands…okay hundreds…okay dozens…okay several…okay, fine… a couple of your articles over the years. This one definitely ranks in the top five of all of the couple others I’ve read. Congrats on getting in the movie, though!

  13. kobuffalo says: Apr 9, 2014 10:45 AM

    As a marching soldier extra in the movie “The Presidio” from 25 years ago, I can relate to the significant letdown of seeing a full day’s worth of filming displayed in perhaps 3 seconds of screen time (none of which I am remotely visible). I suppose it would have been much worse if it had been under the guise of preferential extras treatment. Best I can say is that I got to shake Sean Connery’s hand. That’s my story and . . .

  14. purpleguy says: Apr 9, 2014 10:46 AM

    I think Mike’s article was probably more entertaining than his day as a Hollywood star, except for the part where he sh%$%#t himself.

  15. gobirds11 says: Apr 9, 2014 10:54 AM

    should’ve gone with “these pretzels are making me thirsty”…

  16. harrisonhits2 says: Apr 9, 2014 11:04 AM

    Newsflash. Video shoots, movies, tv programs are not a barrel of monkeys to make. They usually involve long hard days that include a fair amount of boredom. And that’s for the principals involved. As an extra you’re bottom of the totem pole.

  17. whatjusthapped says: Apr 9, 2014 11:07 AM

    You can pretend to be a sportswriter at least as well as the Vikings pretend to be a professional football team.

  18. johnz59 says: Apr 9, 2014 11:11 AM

    I thought I saw a scene in a preview where you’re making some sort of PFT commentary of what he’s going to do in the draft. Was I mistaken?

  19. granadafan says: Apr 9, 2014 11:16 AM

    Living in LA, I used to be an extra in several movies and TV shows. It’s a whole lot of waiting around, doing scene after scene. Maybe you’ll get a glimpse or two of the stars, absolutely no autographs or pictures (though Mark Wahlberg was pretty cool). They pay you minimum and the food is mediocre. Still it’s pretty fun to see how shows are made.

  20. sarcasm says: Apr 9, 2014 11:18 AM

    So Costner is the one that hoodwinked a #1 out of the Colts for Trent Richardson. That with Irsay being drugged out of his mind allows the move to start to make sense.

  21. fireeyes111 says: Apr 9, 2014 11:20 AM

    Jeez, Mike. You’d been sharpening that blade of a keyboard for a while, huh?

  22. quizguy66 says: Apr 9, 2014 11:31 AM

    “the plan was there was no plan”

    This really was a documentary about the Browns!

  23. wishingtonredslur says: Apr 9, 2014 11:32 AM

    How didn’t you know that when filming a movie it is never done in actual sequence? It saves money and time on transportation.

  24. 3yardsndust says: Apr 9, 2014 11:40 AM

    Hope you got a free Budweiser!

  25. godofwine330 says: Apr 9, 2014 11:43 AM

    Honestly, my favorite Costner movie is Mr. Brooks. If you haven’t seen it, see it.

    I look forward to Draft Day. I’m going to go out this weekend and see it. It has my team, my city, my sports personalities. I hope that it’s good, but I wonder how much actual football is included in this movie.

  26. joemammy says: Apr 9, 2014 12:08 PM

    Thanks for spoiling the movie for me, Mike.

  27. kimbo71006 says: Apr 9, 2014 12:08 PM

    I look forward to this movie. Love the commercial where they show Payton from the Saints lifting the Lombardi Trophy!

    Of course I’m a Saints fan.

    Great article and some of the posts are priceless too.

    I’m going to be thinking “I think he just sh!t himself” for the rest of the day though…

  28. grogansneck says: Apr 9, 2014 12:14 PM

    Draft Day the movie? My god, that sounds dull. Is the next feature film “Jerry Jones Files His Taxes?”

  29. yb1956 says: Apr 9, 2014 12:51 PM

    Good story, enjoyable lunchtime reading. Thanks for posting MF.

  30. bigdaddydooko says: Apr 9, 2014 12:54 PM

    I’ll wait three years to see this movie since that’s how long it takes to properly evaluate a draft.

  31. thegreatgabbert says: Apr 9, 2014 1:22 PM

    “Hey, Mister, I recognize you….you’re the guy from that Costner movie. ‘Himself’, right? Ha, ha, that’s amazing?

    Beatrice, c’mover here and meet Himself!”.

  32. MichaelEdits says: Apr 9, 2014 1:55 PM

    I used to guard movie sets when they weren’t filming. Probably more interesting that way.

  33. fuzzebear says: Apr 9, 2014 1:55 PM

    Actually ran into Florio and Mrs. Florio at Radio Row in NYC. Class act all around and a great website.

  34. dawgtown86 says: Apr 9, 2014 3:07 PM

    More movies than ever are being shot outside southern California. Captain America The Winter Soldier a Hollywood (ok, Cleveland) film just had a nice opening weekend. Even movies about LA are now being shot elsewhere. “Battle: Los Angeles” was shot in Louisiana, but hey at least you’re doing your research.

    I’m sure we were all surprised to find out movies are shot out of sequence and that extras are the last to know when the script / plan changes. Expectations are everything and yours were what, that you’d be immediately informed of the days schedule in time to begin working on your oscar speech? You sound more like the kid in the back of the class who keeps shouting a poop joke until everyone’s embarrassed for you. Shooting movies is a job. It’s long hours, tedious and technical and not at all like watching a movie. You had the opportunity to write something interesting about that and instead you just linked a poop joke and left us with Factory of … well, you’ve been kicking that horse for years it’s bound to be funny at some point.

    Good work living up to your end of the bargain by posting words to the internet.

  35. brimab says: Apr 9, 2014 3:52 PM

    The trailer sure makes the movie look like a steaming pile. No way in hell am I paying to see it.

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