ESPN’s shower report gets The Daily Show treatment

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When it comes to determining whether an NFL news story has fully crossed over to the mainstream, I apply two general barometers:  (1) whether I get asked about the topic by people I don’t know very well (or at all) in places like the grocery store and restaurants; and (2) whether it becomes a topic on The Daily Show.

Wednesday night’s edition of the Comedy Central staple featured a look at the ESPN report regarding the shower habits of Michael Sam.

“Why would his teammates feel uncomfortable showering with Michael Sam?” Jon Stewart said.  “Does he use Axe Garlic & Rotten Egg body wash?  Does Michael Sam have a Kuato? . . . .  Michael Sam’s gay.  Are we not over this yet?”

Reacting to the explanation that Sam’s absence from the shower room with teammates may have resulted from Sam engaging in football-related activities, Stewart said, “Yes, those are all the most likely things a football team might be doing.  But couldn’t he also be singing show tunes or binge-watching Bravo?  ESPN viewers need to know.”

Stewart then brought in “Senior Sports Correspondent” Samantha Bee, who provided a “report” regarding Sam’s alarming lack of “locker room behavior of normal heterosexual NFL players,” such as “grab ass,” “dip snaps,” and “ball cupping.”

She then produced a copy of Jeff Pearlman’s Boys Will Be Boys, reading graphic quotes relating to Charles Haley’s notorious locker-room behaviors.

The ultimate conclusion?

“If Michael Sam wants to fit in to the NFL, he’d better cut the shy act and gay it up,” Bee said.