As Ray Rice tries to work his way back into the NFL, he’s trying to work up a little positive P.R.
The former Ravens running back told Aaron Wilson of the Baltimore Sun that the last year has been incredibly difficult for him (as opposed to how hard the moment was for his wife when he punched her in the face in the elevator, and then watched her apologize for her role in the assault at a press conference).
“The big picture of it all, being the person that I am, I really felt horrible,” Rice said. “You almost want to punish yourself. I know I’m never going to win the battle of public opinion. Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living. I see why people commit suicide.
“It hurt that bad. I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you’re the world’s most hated person. It was really tough. My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father, there’s no way I could check out on my own family.”
And yet, he did. Now that he’s lost his $35 million job, and trying to hustle up another way to support his family, the public act of contrition is predictable.
Rice also said his relationship with his wife Janay is now on more solid footing, and that he’s grown since the two had a drunken row at an Atlantic City casino. He avoided criminal charges by getting into a pretrial intervention program in New Jersey, but became radioactive in the eyes of the Ravens (who previously, vigorously supported him) when the video of the incident became public.
“It’s tough, I realize that’s a battle I’m going to have to face for the rest of my life,” Rice said. “Time does heal everything, but I don’t think people are going to forget this. I want people to not forget about the incident, but I want people to see there’s a human being on the other side. This is not a monster, a guy who’s a repeat offender. I’m not the guy they stereotype me to be. I’m not excusing what I did.”
Rice said he agonized over how he’d eventually explain the issue to his daughter, and talked about how hard it would be to leave Baltimore to move closer to his hometown of New Rochelle, N.Y.
And while many are skeptical as to whether another team will give him a chance — though the Ravens wish someone would (if only to take them off the hook) — Rice said he understands it won’t be about whether he can still play football.
“I’m optimistic that I’ll get a second chance,” Rice said. “I don’t think this boils down to whether I can play football or not. Obviously I know that. I just think there’s so much more that comes with it. I know the PR side of it will be tough. I understand that. . . .
“I don’t want my career to be defined by this one moment. I’ve been smart with money and the NFL is a great-paying game, but I really want to get back out there for my pride and to be able to leave the game with dignity. I don’t ever want to feel exiled out because I wasn’t that guy. ... I know I’m not ready to call it quits yet.”
That decision’s not up to Rice, and whether anyone gives him that chance will depend in part on whether they believe him to be sincere.