STARCAPS PULLS THE PLUG

As it turns out, it was wise for Saints guard Jamar Nesbit to get his lawsuit filed against the manufacturer of StarCaps. Because the move might have given Nesbit a better place in line to get a piece of the company’s assets via the seemingly inevitable bankruptcy proceeding. Though no bankruptcy case has been filed (yet), the company that makes StarCaps has suspended further shipments of the weight-loss product. “We’ve received notice of the problem with the NFL,” the company said in a statement e-mailed to the St. Paul Pioneer Press and other media outlets. “We have referred the matter to our counsels and are taking all necessary steps to ensure that our customers receive product that is safe and effective. We have temporarily suspended shipping pending the result of our investigation.” The investigation apparently will focus on whether StarCaps contains Bumetanide. For starters, we suggest that the company’s “counsels” consider the November 2007 report from the National Center for Biotechnology Information, which concluded that Bumetanide is present in StarCaps. As further proof of the current state of disarry within the StarCaps family, the product’s official web site now consists of a solid blue screen containing only the words “UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE THE SALE OF STARCAPS IS SUSPENDED.” It’s rare that a company charged with civil liability says anything other than “we will defend vigorously against these frivolous claims.” The fact that the company is shuttering the operation and “investigating” a matter about which it knew or should have known can fairly be regarded as a classic “oh sh-t” moment in American corporate history. Our guess is that the folks who made this stuff knew all along that Bumetanide was present. But they apparently decided to sell as much of it as they could under false pretenses, and now that the excess bodily water is hitting the fan via the suspensions of several NFL players who have been taking StarCaps, it looks like the company will simply pull up the stakes and disappear. If our suspicions are accurate, then this is a situation that calls for the intervention of federal authorities. If the Department of Justice can cook up a legal theory to put the Whizzinator guys behind bars, the United States’ in-house legal department surely can fashion an air-tight criminal complaint in this case, too.