Here’s one from a reliable source that, frankly, is too weird to be fabricated.
Saints owner Tom Benson owns various car dealerships.  We’re told that, each year, he brings a mini-fleet of new cars to the team facility in the hopes of getting some of his employees to make a purchase.
As we hear it, the players don’t really appreciate the sales pitch, due in part to the perception that they aren’t offered much of a deal.
This year, some of them made it known.
On Saturday, when players arrived at the facility to continue preparations for Monday night’s home game against the Packers, more than one of the cars was coated in a certain byproduct of the human digestive system.
So much for that new car smell.
It’s believed that two or more players were responsible for the mess, but we’ve yet to confirm the names of the suspects.


  1. It was Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson.
    Adrian did his part wihout his “helmut”.
    Jared Allen rolled into the cars’ tires.
    (Florio, please mail this week’s check to the same address as last week)

  2. My money is Shockey and Buck Ortega actually. Buck Ortega just because he has an awesome name.

  3. I’d bet it is one of the players without little talent. I haven’t been able to knock that number below 53.
    They are all garbage. Maybe Reggie Bush bought one, just to make up for being paid 10 large a year. Nothing like 8 figures to make you buy a crappy car.

  4. I am flabbergasted that somebody would do that.
    Benson needs a security guard to watch over his cars and keep them doody-free and I’d like to volunteer !

  5. what a league! these are the type of miscreants this league now employs?? only in pro sports could a scumbag pull that off and not be on the unemployment line the next day. highly educated individual i am sure.

  6. whats so crazy about this, me and people from work do this to the boss’ car whenever he screws up our paycheques, or pisses us off.
    btw, im gonna take a guess that shockey was one of the culprits, since
    he’s always ornery about something and he’s a wild child.

  7. Beyond tasteless! And no, I’m not referring to the BM wash – aue de feces anyone? Benson trying to hard sell his cars to players is tacky!

  8. Oh crap, where’s the edit function when I need it? It’s eau de feces. Sorry, my high school French was really Deutsch.

  9. 3 hours after the ‘auto assault’ ended, Ray Edwards was seen running into the cars.
    The League Office plans to suspend Jared Allen, Adrian Peterson, Ray Edwards, Matt Birk, Bobby Wade, and Chad Greenway.
    When asked why Birk, Wade, and Greenway were being suspended, NFL Commissioner “Bucco Bruce” was quoted as saying “Them ViQueens are all dirty cheap shot artists, and I am giving them TEH BIGG LOSS!!”
    (I am now Florio’s BFF)

  10. Has something changed? Because I managed a big car dealership in the 90’s that kept an unnamed team with a Star on their helmets in “demos”. (Players and coaches.) A certain HOF QB used to bring his Z-71 pickups back with whiskey-dents in them AND we’d always find seeds & stems in his HOF WR’s Yukons. Oh, and never, ever lend a car to Ernie Zampese…you can’t get the smell of cigarettes and B.O. out to sell it later.

  11. any security cameras out there?
    while benson appears tacky, someone wants out of n’awlins.
    vandalizing cars is property damage and is worse than an email f bomb.

  12. Was it barf or poo? There’s a big difference, you know. From the way I read it it sounds like vomit, the other readers think it is crap, so which is it?
    I can hardly side with the players of getting a discount on the cars… They’re making millions of dollars and they’re upset about not getting 5% off of a sub $100K car… while the rest of us spend half a year’s salary or more on a car.

  13. Must be Shocky he is full of it and has to let it out sometime
    Maybe the owner should have brought the Escaldes with DUBS would have sold a bunch of them

  14. Benson has always been a tacky cheap-ass. When Jim Finks died, he became the “GM”. He started charging the coaches for coffee. Can you imagine that?
    F-ing COFFEE!!! for guys working 20 hrs a day for him!!
    The guy needs to turn the franchise over to someone who doesn’t always have his sphincter slammed shut around a giant stick!

  15. Hahaha… the Saints suck!!!
    See you creole snortin’, crawfish suckin’, cousin screwin’, backwoods idiots next Sunday. Go Bucs!!!

  16. Wow, the story’s a day old and I’m disappointed nobody made a “dropping the Deuce” comment…

  17. To illustrate what a tool Benson is… years ago when they fired Kuharich and they were looking for a new GM, I asked my friend to have his dad apply for the job. His dad is a former NFL head coach, and a retired GM/player personnel director who had a little success in his day… to the tune of 4 Super Bowl rings. After he called the Saints front office, they faxed him an application for the job… it was an application to work at Benson Automotive, complete with the question: Are you willing to work weekends?

  18. For those of you who don’t know about Tom Benson, he’s basically a less publicized Al Davis. The man is crazy and needs to completely let go of team ownership, he’s not a very well-liked person in New Orleans these days. I doubt the players did that because the wanted more of a discount. They probably did it because Benson is trying to guilt the team into buying his cars. This stunt was most likely a message to Benson.

  19. Now that’s funny!! “Buy a car..and get it ass-ographed for free!” Hey who needs a Scripto pen for that hood!
    You think Rain Drop or Turtle Wax will be “jockeying” for position to get that “new car shine” back?
    You know, Benson has always been somewhat of a character. Amazing..I guess that old service..”Buy a Chitty car from me and I will bring it to your work” philosophy still lives on in N’Awlinz!!

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