Fire At The NFLPA’s Offices

We suggested recently that, once linebacker Shawne Merriman realizes that the uncapped year will prevent him from becoming an unrestricted free agent, he might go to the NFLPA’s offices and turn the “lights out.”
Somehow, a certain type of “light” was turned on this morning in the union’s suite in D.C.
Per Chris Mortensen of ESPN, a fire broke out there earlier this morning.
We assume that Merriman has an alibi.  (And, obviously, we’re kidding about the suggestion that he went there and tried to burn the place down.  His method of choice would simply be to pound the crap out of everyone.)
The fire started in Executive Director De Smith’s office.  Most of the damage was caused by the internal sprinker system.
There is no current suspicion that foul play was involved, but the union has provided to investigators access to its internal surveillance system.
UPDATE:  We’ve obtained exclusive access to the tapes.  There’s audio, too — let it play to the end.


25 responses to “Fire At The NFLPA’s Offices

  1. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…

  2. If this is going to be a scandal, let me be the first to coin the term “firegate”

  3. Apparently, when Smith said he was “burning the midnight oil” to get a new deal done, he was doing it in the trashcan.

  4. peskyspole says:
    June 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
    Where was Andre Rison’s girlfriend?
    She’s dead. That’s a pretty good alibi in my book.

  5. Why don’t they have security guards 24 hours a day?
    This looks like
    A) A Watergate type break in. Somebody wanted to know what was going on in there and set a fire to cover their tracks or to destroy certain records which cannot be reproduced.
    B) Someone covering corruption in the Union. Those Upshaw cronies were there far too long and who knows what Union funds have paid for these cronies. It covers corruption, embezzlement, or misuses of funds.
    Or both.
    The owners thrreaten to expose the corrupt Union people unless the negotiation go well or certain ones to become spies.
    Since this is a rumor site you can have all kinds of fun with this event.

  6. Is that a violation of the personal conduct policy or does this mean Smith is now in the substance abuse program?

  7. “About 6 feet under. Death is a helluva alibi.”
    Man, I missed that.
    Sorry Left Eye.

  8. I bet someone left a cheese pita in a toaster oven.
    (Yay, an ‘Office’ reference! Send me a book!)

  9. Ummm… does Shawne Merriman have an alibi regarding the place burning down?
    Merriman’s apartment was burned down due to arson when he was 11 years old. Six years later, his family’s home burned down AGAIN. Merriman spent time being homeless as a result.
    Now Merriman has a charity foundation which helps other folks who grew up in circumstances like his own…
    Now, I hate the San Diego Dischargers, wonder how much “juice” it takes to make “Lights Out,” and it goes against my every instinct to defend this guy… but joking about Merriman being an arsonist is beyond poor taste. Wow.
    You got any dog torturing or breast cancer or child molesting jokes handy?

  10. Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea, South Korea, Marylin Monroe! Ryan started the fire!

  11. “Merriman’s apartment was burned down due to arson when he was 11 years old. Six years later, his family’s home burned down AGAIN.”
    And now NFLPA HQ. Coincidence? Does Shawne Merriman have superhuman pyrokinetic powers?

  12. Someone got the bright idea to warm up the usually frigidly cold NFL offices, by burning the 2 pallets of books residing in the NFL warehouse.
    In a related story, Mike Florio is unable to sell (or give away) any more copies of his overly researched and yet unappreciated tome entitled “Quarterback of the Future” claiming that he has now “sold out” all copies.

  13. I guess that since they could always piece the shredded paper back together, a fire was the only way. (insert smiley face with a wink and a nudge)

  14. Let’s not forget that some thieves stole Merriman’s Mercedes last year and later torched the vehicle. Couldn’t you find a better target for your lame quips at this point Florio?
    I know you have a massive man-crush on Merriman, but it’s time to move on for the good of everyone.

  15. “peskyspole says:
    June 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
    Where was Andre Rison’s girlfriend? ”
    Very much uncalled for. She’s dead… it’s obvious it was her ghost that started the fire.

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