There’s no need to confirm that your calendar doesn’t read April 1.
This one, as phony as it might sound, is real.
And “phony” provides the ideal segueway, because one of the most notorious phony body parts in NFL history (actually, it’s the only notorious phony body part in NFL history) can be yours.
If you really want the thing.
In May 2005, an airport search of the luggage former Vikings running back Onterrio Smith uncovered a prosthetic penis known as a Whizzinator. The device is aimed at allowing the user to beat a drug test, via the transmission through it of clean urine.
Tonight, the Shakopee (an appropriate name, since that’s also the recommended method for cleaning the device) Auction Center will be selling Smith’s Whizzinator and other personal items previously owned by him.
Though it doesn’t quite have the same cachet as the more traditional auction fodder, we figure someone will grab it.
Especially in light of the fact that the device is now hard to come by. In 2008, the owners of the company that manufactured the Whizzinator were indicted on multiple federal fraud charges, essentially cutting off its availability.
In an unrelated note, Vikings receiver Percy Harvin is on the list of expected attendees for tonight’s auction.