In case you haven’t noticed any of the ads that are saturating virtually every form of media (to the chagrin of our friend Drew Magary), there’s a new show on NBC every weeknight.
It’s hosted by a comedian named Jay Leno.
Maybe you’ve heard of him.
We missed the debut, and our pay has been docked accordingly. Under an implicit threat of termination (and we mean death, not unemployment), we watched last night’s show.
To our delight, it featured a string of NFL-related jokes during the monologue.
First up was a tail-twisting of a certain aging quarterback, whom Leno applauded over the weekend for not retiring during the season-opening game.
Said Leno: “Three NFL players announced yesterday they will donate their brains to science after they die. Actually, they were gonna ask Brett Favre to do that but they were afraid after he died, he’d change his mind and want the brain back.”
Leno also threw a barbs at the Lions. He pointed out that the Texans are reducing the size of beer cups in order curb drunkenness. And that the Lions are increasing the size of the beer cups in order to help fans forget sooner.
Then Leno turned to Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. As to the decision by the authorities to not pursue a criminal case of battery and false imprisonment for allegedly choking Tila Tequila, Leno said, “Even the cops know the Chargers always wait to the playoffs before they start choking.”
And Leno wasn’t finished with Merriman. Addressing reports that Tequila became enraged after she entered the room while Merriman was with two other woman and asked her to join, Leno said, “I can’t get a foursome together for golf.”
Finally, Leno brought up the fact that Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb left Sunday’s game with a cracked rib. Said Leno, “Michael Vick offered to put down McNabb for free.”
In case you didn’t know, Leno’s show airs Monday through Friday at 10:00 p.m. And if you forget, don’t worry — you’ll be reminded via the faint sound in the distance of Magary sending a bullet through his television.