I had to pause the Week Seven Morning Aftermath, a game-by-game look at every Sunday contest, to comment on the news that Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was eating a hot dog on the sideline during Sunday’s 38-0 win over the Raiders.
The irony is, well, delicious. The move came a day after former Dolphins quarterback Bob Griese apologized for saying during an ESPN college football game that NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya “You Killed My Father, Prepare To Die” (yeah, I borrowed that from a commenter) was out eating a taco.
Montoya is from Colombia; the taco is Mexican. Sanchez is Mexican, and the hot dog is the uniquely American product of capitalism at its finest.
Oscar: “Let’s throw all the leftover pig parts in a big blender and mash it up until it looks the same. And then, if it doesn’t kill us when we eat it, we can sell it.”
Mayer: “Hot dog, that’s a damn good idea.”
Oscar: “And that’s a damn good name for it.”
So it would all tie together neatly if Griese shows up for his next ESPN assignment with a Thermos full of a hot liquid brewed from Juan Valdez’s finest beans.
Just as Griese apologized for the taco remark, Sanchez said he’s sorry for chomping on a wiener.
“I want to apologize for that,” Sanchez said. “I wasn’t feeling very
good and didn’t eat much before the game, so I was feeling a little
queasy. Toward the end of the game, I probably should have eaten one of
those bars or something, but someone offered [a hot dog], so I grabbed
it and tried to be discreet about it, but obviously not discreet
enough. So I shouldn’t have done that, and it won’t happen again.”
It remains to be seen where Sanchez got the hot dog. Then again, maybe coach Rex Ryan keeps a stash of them nearby at all times.
It also remains to be seen whether Sanchez is disciplined for the indiscretion. We vaguely recall a player being fined for eating a hot dog during a preseason game. Since this game counted (then again, maybe Sanchez thought it was a scrimmage), there’s even more reason for the team to take action against Sanchez.
Of course, he’ll make it all back and then some when Oscar and Mayer introduce their newest product.
The “Sanchize,” a hot dog that tastes great for the first three bites and then falls apart in the bun.