We interrupt the ongoing Moss-and-McNabb mania to do what we do every week at this time.
Provide a meaningless ranking of all NFL teams from top to bottom.
As you’ll see, the Moss situation has influenced the top and the bottom of this week’s list.
1. New England Patriots (No. 3; 6-1): As if being the only 6-1 team in the league weren’t enough, coach Bill Belichick gets bonus points for pulling off the ultimate con on the Vikings.
2. Baltimore Ravens (No. 7; 5-2): The return of Donte’ Stallworth could open up the offense; landing a focused and ticked off Randy Moss could blow it open.
3. Indianapolis Colts (No. 5; 5-2): A UFL team with Peyton Manning at quarterback would qualify for the NFL playoffs.
York Giants (No. 6; 5-2): For Giants fans, the next best thing to a win is a loss by the Jets.
5. New York Jets (No.1; 5-2): Steve Weatherford used to wear a watch during games. He’d be better off with a tape measure.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (No. 2; 5-2): The NFL can schedule the Steelers against the World Series every year without ever having to worry about Pittsburgh’s baseball team drawing eyeballs away from the football game.
7. Atlanta Falcons (No. 9; 5-2): Don’t laugh, but the NFC’s best game of the week involves the Falcons hosting the Buccaneers.
8. Kansas City Chiefs (No. 10; 5-2): Don’t laugh, but the AFC’s best game of the week involves the Chiefs visiting the Raiders.
Green Bay Packers (No. 12; 5-3): It took eight weeks, but the Packers finally look like a team that could make it to the Super Bowl.
10. New Orleans Saints (No. 11; 5-3): The schedule goes soft, just in the nick of time.
11. Oakland Raiders (No. 24; 4-4): With 92 points in two games, the Raiders could have a shot at beating the Golden State Warriors.
12. Tennessee Titans (No. 4; 5-3): It’s a better first half than many expected the Titans to have, but it’s not good enough to be competitive with the best of the best in the AFC.
13. Philadelphia Eagles (No. 14; 4-3): The Eagles know a thing or two about Donovan McNabb lacking “cardiovascular endurance” to run the two-minute offense.
Dolphins (No. 15; 4-3): If this team figures out how to win games at home, they’ll be more dangerous than Randy Moss with a Mr. Microphone.
15. Seattle Seahawks (No. 13; 4-3): They should change their name from the Seahawks to the Sybils.
16. Houston Texans (No. 9; 4-3): It’s one thing to lose valiantly to the Colts. It’s quite another to just get blown off the field. (And if you think it was as close as the final score suggested, you didn’t watch the game.)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (No. 18; 5-2): Sorry, but beating a bad Cardinals team doesn’t justify a big jump.
St. Louis Rams (No. 20; 4-4): The Rams have won more games in two months than they did in two years.
19. Chicago Bears
(No. 17; 4-3): The good news? Jay Cutler threw only two interceptions on Sunday. The bad news? The Bears were idle.
20. Washington Redskins (No. 16; 4-4): It’s good to see that Mike Shanahan has lost none of his skills when it comes to spotting talent at the NFL level.
Cleveland Browns (No. 21; 2-5): With games against the Pats and Jets on tap, that 2-5 quickly could become 2-7.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars (No. 22; 4-4): Beating a downtrodden Cowboys team doesn’t really mean all that much.
Arizona Cardinals (No. 23; 3-4): When Larry Fitzgerald returns home to Minnesota this weekend to play the Vikings, there’s a chance he’ll want to stay.
24. San Diego Chargers (No. 27; 3-5): Norv Turner will need more than a passionate halftime speech to beat the Texans in Houston.
25. Detroit Lions (No. 28; 2-5): Since December 30, 2007, the Lions are 2-0 against the Redskins, and 2-36 against the rest of the league.
26. San Francisco 49ers (No. 30; 2-6): For the 49ers, their “finest hour” took literally about an hour, when they finally woke up in the second half of Sunday’s game in London.
27. Cincinnati Bengals (No. 26; 2-5): The only thing that has ever made Carson Palmer a franchise quarterback is his contract.
28. Carolina Panthers (No. 29; 1-7): The 2011 preseason for the Panthers has started about nine months early.
29. Buffalo Bills (No. 32; 0-7): Some have asked us whether the Bills should try to lose in order to secure the first pick in the draft. Why does anyone think they’d have to actually try?
30. Denver Broncos (No. 23; 2-6): Being the worst team in the AFC’s worst division counts for something, right?
31. Dallas Cowboys (No.
25; 1-6): If Jerry Jones is going to insist on continuing to be the G.M. of this team, why not go ahead and become the coach, too?
Minnesota Vikings (No. 19; 2-5): With the franchise at its lower point since the Les Steckel fiasco of 1984, the Vikings have earned the lowest possible spot in the standings.