1. Packers (No. 1; 1-0): Randall Cobb said that God told him to defy coach Mike McCarthy’s order to not bring out a kickoff more than five yards deep. Cobb needs to realize that, in Green Bay, McCarthy’s rank is higher.
2. Saints (No. 2; 0-1): There’s a good chance that the best two teams in the NFL played in the first game of the season.
3. Chargers (No. 3; 1-0): An ugly win in September is one of the prettiest things this slow-starting team has seen in years.
4. Ravens (No. 8; 1-0): Baltimore probably would have liked to bank a few of those 35 points for the rematch with the Steelers.
5. Patriots (No. 7; 1-0): Tom Brady reminds the world that, while Aaron Rodgers was the MVP of the Super Bowl, Brady was the MVP of the league.
6. Jets (No. 6; 1-0): Despite swiping a win, the Jets have a lot of things to fix.
7. Bears (No. 11; 1-0): Maybe some of the Bears defenders should play both ways.
8. Eagles (No. 9; 1-0): Mike Vick says he played “lights out.” His completion percentage suggests he meant that literally.
9. Falcons (No. 4; 0-1): After losing to the Bears on the road, it’s too early to panic. If they lose to Vick and the Eagles at home, it won’t be.
10. Texans (No. 12; 1-0): The 2011 season started the same way that the 2010 season began. The Texans need the next 15 games to go slightly better.
11. Steelers (No. 5; 0-1): Safety Troy Polamalu says the the team was humbled. Age tends to do that.
12. Lions (No. 14; 1-0): After winning four of 44, the Lions have won five of five.
13. Bills (No. 24; 1-0): The Jets and Pats may have good reason to get a little nervous.
14. Cowboys (No. 10; 0-1): Cowboys fans likely are hoping that Tony Romo will start his pro golf career sooner rather than later.
15. Buccaneers (No. 13; 0-1): If they couldn’t beat the Lions when the Lions didn’t have Matthew Stafford, why did anyone think the Bucs could beat the Lions with Stafford?
16. Jaguars (No. 19; 1-0): The Luke McCown era begins with the crackle of a damp lady finger.
17. Cardinals (No. 17; 1-0): They may never break into the top 10, but they may win the NFC West by three laps.
18. Raiders (No. 20; 1-0): Maybe the Chargers won’t simply stroll to the AFC West championship.
19. 49ers (No. 25; 1-0): Two undefeated teams in the Bay Area could be a sign that the end is near.
20. Redskins (No. 31; 1-0): Beat the Cardinals on Sunday, and then we’ll start to maybe, possibly believe that this team could maybe, possibly be better than expected.
21. Rams (No. 21; 0-1): When the Rams and Giants square off on Monday Night Football, they should replace the coin flip with a comparison of injury reports.
22. Panthers (No. 28; 0-1): No team has ever jumped so high with a loss.
23. Giants (No. 15; 0-1): Maybe Rob Ryan will be the next coach of the Giants.
24. Vikings (No. 22; 0-1): Was there a digit missing from Donovan McNabb’s passing yardage?
25. Seahawks (No. 23; 0-1): If the Seahawks think that Tarvaris Jackson was jerked around in Minnesota, wait until they see what happens to him in Pittsburgh.
26. Bengals (No. 32; 1-0): Well, they got their win. Now they can coast.
27. Titans (No. 27; 0-1): The good news? The Titans may finish higher in the standings than the Colts.
28. Broncos (No. 30; 0-1): Coach John Fox needs to realize that those Tebow chants will only get louder if they are ignored.
29. Colts (No. 18; 0-1): Andrew Luck would be the perfect quarterback for a team with a horseshoe on the side of its helmet.
30. Dolphins (No. 29; 0-1): Yeah, that preseason No. 29 ranking for the Dolphins was wrong. It was too high.
31. Browns (No. 26; 0-1): Hell, Eric Mangini could have beaten Cincinnati.
32. Chiefs (No. 17; 0-1): We’ve got a feeling that most Chiefs fans will agree with this.