1. Packers (No. 1; 7-0): The Lions may be the only thing standing between this team and a perfect season. And the Lions suddenly look like a team that won’t be standing anywhere for long.
2. Patriots (No. 3; 5-1): If Stephen Ross bought the Steelers instead of the Dolphins, Heinz Field would be hosting this Sunday a celebration of the 2001 and 2004 New England Super Bowl champions.
3. 49ers (No. 4; 5-1): If NFL divisions were college football conferences, the Niners would be ready to move from the MAC to the Big 10.
4. Saints (No. 9; 5-2): Maybe Sean Payton should spend every game in the booth.
5. Steelers (No. 11; 5-2): We’d hate to see how much better this team would be if the defense weren’t old and washed up.
6. Giants (No. 10; 4-2): The Giants are getting healthier just in time to seize control of the division no one seems to want to win.
7. Ravens (No. 2; 4-2): Apparently, the players didn’t realize it was “game time,” and there were precisely zero “dogs in the house.”
8. Bengals (No. 12; 4-2): For fleecing the Raiders in the Palmer trade during the bye week, the Bengals crack the top 10 without playing.
9. Lions (No. 5; 5-2): The Detroit bandwagon soon may have fewer riders than the cart that would have taken Matt Ryan off the field.
10. Chargers (No. 7; 4-2): Maybe the Chargers thought the two-minute drill was actually a drill.
11. Raiders (No. 6; 4-3): Carson Palmer will get better. It’s impossible that he could get worse.
12. Texans (No. 15; 4-3): On Sunday, the Texans didn’t simply look like a team that can make it to the playoffs; they looked like a team that could actually win a playoff game.
13. Bills (No. 13; 4-2): Chris Berman’s favorite team returns to Canada to face a banged-up opponent that currently needs a truckload of Deux-Deux-Deuxs.
14. Bears (No. 14; 4-3): Even some Brits were overheard saying, “Pay the bloke.”
15. Buccaneers (No. 8; 4-3): If the goal is to build a fan base in London, the league should be sending back the teams that have actually, you know, won games there.
16. Falcons (No. 18; 4-3): Matt Ryan finally is becoming the guy the Falcons need him to be.
17. Jets (No. 19; 4-3): Rex Ryan says the Jets are going to be tough to beat. The three teams who have beaten them may disagree.
18. Cowboys (No. 20; 3-3): The only thing that would make DeMarco Murray’s breakout better for the Cowboys would be if he played quarterback.
19. Panthers (No. 23; 2-5): After Cam Newton attracts a class or two of high-end free agents to Charlotte, the Panthers could be serious contenders.
20. Chiefs (No. 25; 3-3): A day that saw the AFC West become wide open could see it turned upside down if the Chiefs can beat the Chargers on Monday night.
21. Eagles (No. 21; 2-4): The dream may not be over just yet.
22. Redskins (No. 17; 3-3): At this rate, the Redskins won’t have to trade up very far to get Andrew Luck.
23. Titans (No. 16; 3-3): If the Titans didn’t quit on Sunday, they nevertheless should have been fired.
24. Browns (No. 24; 3-3): Though the Browns outscored the Seahawks, both teams should get a loss in the standings.
25. Broncos (No. 26; 2-4): Maybe Jesus rode into Jerusalem not on a donkey, but on a Bronco.
26. Jaguars (No. 29; 2-5): The Jaguars made the Baltimore bandwagon instantly look like those temporary seats at EverBank Field for the upcoming Georgia-Florida game.
27. Seahawks (No. 22; 2-4): If the Seahawks finish with the first pick in the draft, maybe Pete Carroll will give Jim Harbaugh a rousing handshake and a shove in the back.
28. Vikings (No. 27; 1-6): Donovan McNabb wasn’t late for any meetings. The meetings simply started much earlier than expected.
29. Cardinals (No. 28; 1-5): The Cardinals are sliding back toward “weekly blackout watch” territory.
30. Colts (No. 30; 0-7): Don’t be shocked if Jim Irsay gets rid of everyone except Peyton Manning.
31. Rams (No. 31; 0-6): If the Rams didn’t play in the NFC West, they possibly wouldn’t win a single game all year.
32. Dolphins (No. 32; 0-6): When it’s time to consider Bill Parcells for Canton, does the mess he made in Miami get mentioned?