Saturday morning one-liners


Jets coach Rex Ryan shortened practices and meetings this week to “gain a little advantage” in anticipation of playing in the South Florida heat.

Pats coach Bill Belichick on whether his offense had a “tell” against Arizona:  “We’re on to Baltimore.”

Dolphins FB Jorvorskie Lane has lost 47 pounds in the last year.

Bills DE Mario Williams will get a chance to start earning his millions against Browns rookie RT Mitchell Schwartz.

Ravens teammates are helping LG Ramon Harewood get ready for his date with Pats DT Vince Wilfork.

Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is 6-2 against QB Carson Palmer.

The Bengals offensive line has overcome injuries and inexperience to perform well, so far.

The Browns are expected to move S Eric Hagg out of the starting lineup after two starts to start the season.

Is Texans coach Gary Kubiak glad QB Peyton Manning is out of the AFC South?  “I might not be the only one who would say that,” Kubiak said.

The Titans’ wideouts are finally healthy.  (So maybe they’ll only lose by single digits this week.)

Colts P Pat McAfee says it’s his goal to be “the best to ever do it.”  (We think he’s talking about kicking footballs.)

Jaguars owner Shahid Khan will take his Oppa Gangnam Style to London, where he’ll be a featured speaker at a Leaders Sport Summit.

Though he practiced all week and wasn’t on the injury report, Raiders RB Mike Goodson was a spectator at practice on Friday.

Broncos DE Elvis Dumervil says he has no sacks because of constant double teams.

Chargers QB Philip Rivers is a member of Team Replacements.

The man at the center of a bomb-scare misunderstanding in Kansas City once had his season tickets to Chiefs games revoked over ties to the original World Trade Center bombings of 1993.

Giants WR Ramses Barden, who finally has broken out in his fourth season, was humble the day after the biggest game of his career; “Obviously I would like as many opportunities as possible,” Barden said.  “We got a talented group.  We got an All-Pro group. . . .  I just want to be an asset wherever I can.”

The Cowboys opted not to use many blitzes against the Seahawks and QB Russell Wilson last Sunday.  “If we did, that kid would have woke up missing,” defensive coordinator Rob Ryan.  (Instead, Ryan’s defense never showed up.)

A two-time cancer survivor who used Redskins games to get him through his illness will serve as honorary captain for the home opener.

With WR Jeremy Maclin (hip) out and WR Riley Cooper (collarbone) still not ready to go, the Eagles will have four wideouts on Sunday:  DeSean Jackson, Jason Avant, Damaris Johnson, and Mardy Gilyard.

Vikings LG Charlie Johnson will get help in handling 49ers DE Justin Smith, who nearly chose Minnesota when he left Cincinnati via free agency.

Lions S John Wendling was fined $7,875 for busting the nose of 49ers QB Alex Smith.

Packers LB Clay Matthews is excited to face his former USC coach for the first time.

Bears TE Kellen Davis returned to the team because he thought he’d have a bigger role . . . and he has one catch in two games.

The Falcons are 5-0 on the West Coast under coach Mike Smith.  (Maybe they should move to Los Angeles.)

Saints CB Jabari Greer is ready to return to the starting lineup after recovering from sports hernia surgery; “I was wasting away in Shawshank over here,” Greer said.  (At least he didn’t have to crawl to freedom through 500 yards of sh-t-smelling foulness.)

Bucs K Connor Barth has shaved his beard despite converting on an NFL-best 21-straight field goals.

Panthers PR/KR Joe Adams may have fumbled away his job.

The Cardinals’ special teams are not ordinary.

49ers TE Vernon Davis has seven touchdown receptions in his last four games.

Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch has run for 100 or more yards in seven of his last 11 games.

Rams rookie K Greg “The Leg” Zuerlein is 11-for-12 on field goal tries in the NFL, with the only miss coming from 62 yards in the preseason finale.

2 responses to “Saturday morning one-liners

  1. “The Cowboys opted not to use many blitzes against the Seahawks and QB Russell Wilson last Sunday. “If we did, that kid would have woke up missing,” defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. (Instead, Ryan’s defense never showed up.)”

    I try so hard to like the Ryan clan, but every time they open their mouths, they come across as idiots. In this case, Rob comes off as a football idiot. If you thought that blitzes would have rattled the rookie QB, why didn’t you blitz? Did Coach Jerry tell you your defensive strategy?

  2. Falcons to L.A. isn’t that far-fetched. The negotiations to build the stadium aren’t complete and legislators in Fulton County are considering legislation to revoke the ability for the county to implement the 1% hotel-motel sales tax that was supposed to finance the bonds. Tea Party types are lining up, saying Atlanta should fund transportation projects instead of a new stadium, especially since the bonds aren’t even paid off yet for the GA Dome.

    Goodell isn’t going to be able to come to Georgia like he did in MN and push around guys until he gets a bill. He needs to come to Blank’s aide with some Georgia folks before it gets ugly in January, when the legislature comes to town.

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