Saturday morning one-liners

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The Jets’ plan to out-muscle the Muscle Hamster by hitting him with a swarm of defenders.

Patriots DT Vince Wilfork passed on watching Thursday night’s opener; “I’ve got to get ready to go slow down C.J. Spiller and [Fred] Jackson and this Buffalo team,” Wilfork said.  “I don’t have time to pay attention to anyone else.”

Despite being five inches shorter and 43 pounds lighter than Joe Thomas, Dolphins DE Olivier Vernon has a plan for getting to the quarterback in Cleveland.

Sam Young is both the swing guard and swing tackle for the Bills.

Browns fan turned Browns coach Rob Chudzinski is excited for his first real game; here’s hoping he downs a dog biscuit or two on the sidelines before kickoff.

The Steelers have faced the Titans/Oilers five prior times to start the season, including the first game ever played at Three Rivers Stadium.

Bengals gunner Jeromy Miles is finding it hard to believe he’ll be chasing Devin Hester on Sunday.

More and more folks in Baltimore are tying the knot with Ravens-themed weddings.  (Who do they blame when the lights go out during the reception?)

The Titans possibly will have only four receivers in uniform on Sunday at Pittsburgh.

The new-look Jaguars hope to crank up the pass rush under coach Gus Bradley.

The Colts are worried more about the Colts than facing specific Raiders players like Terrelle Pryor or Darren McFadden.

T.J. Yates has held off Case Keenum to be the Texans No. 2 quarterback — for now.

Raiders DE Lamarr Houston is the only returning player who had a sack in 2012.

The Chargers will have new food items at their home games this year, which presumably will be subject to the tradition of charging way too much for it.

Chiefs coach Andy Reid said his team is ready for either Blaine Gabbert or Chad Henne on Sunday.

Broncos’ boss John Elway had a big night to open the season; the Columbus Dispatch gave him credit for doing a lot more than merely putting the team together.

With DE Anthony Spencer (knee) unlikely to play on Sunday night, the man the Cowboys call “the Brick Layer” will be trying to lay out Eli Manning from the left side.

The NFL is satisfied with the condition of the green dirt on which the Redskins play.

Eagles CB Cary Williams reportedly used the same word when fighting with WR Riley Cooper that Cooper used when he wanted to fight at the Kenny Chesney show.

Giants QB Eli Manning says his big brother Peyton “made it look easy” on Thursday night.

In the first game post-Urlacher, the Bears apparently are prepared to start D.J. Williams at MLB with Jon Bostic playing as the backup.

Lions CB Bill Bentley has learned a lot from CB Rashean Mathis — and it shows.

The Vikings will place no limitations on RB Adrian Peterson for Week One.  (As if they could.)

For a Tomahawk, Wisconsin family, a 25-year wait to get Packers season tickets ended with a letter than initially was placed in the junk-mail pile.  (They apparently thought it was an invitation to buy non-stock stock.)

Last year, Saints LB Jonathan Vilma was in a legal battle with the NFL; this year, he’s in a legal battle with the Miami Marlins.

Buccaneers DE Da’Quan Bowers describes the team’s defensive line for 2013 in one word:  “Dominant.”  (Time will tell whether the accurate description for Bowers is “delusional.”)

Panthers coach Ron Rivera said his team improved against the read option when it stopped waiting to see what would happen.

Falcons P Matt Bosher tells things about his teammates.

The 49ers have resolved a $30 million lawsuit sparked by the abolition of redevelopment agencies — and in turn the redirection of tax money earmarked for the team’s new stadium.

If Seahawks CB Brandon Browner (hamstring) can’t play on Sunday, Walter Thurmond may get the start.

Rams TE Jared Cook and TE Lance Kendricks are prepared to play a big role in the team’s offense.

The thigh injury to Cardinals DE Calais Campbell was the result of, according to coach Bruce Arians, “friendly fire.”