Saturday one-liners

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When it comes to identifying potential Bills purchasers (like Donald Trump), there are plenty of things to know.

Will the Dolphins draft a tight end or trust that a current member of the team will step up?

The Jets were going to be the team that trades the first overall pick to Cleveland in Draft Day; producers ultimately went with the Seattle, which makes it so much more realistic.

Patriots QB Tom Brady was in California on Friday, shooting a commercial for UGGS.

The stadium where the Ravens play will be transformed into a baseball stadium.  (If only there were a baseball stadium somewhere close by, like on the other side of the parking lot.)

The Bengals suddenly have plenty of receivers.

Steelers C Maurkice Pouncey may be looking for a big raise, in the wake of the Alex Mack offer sheet.

The Browns will start monitoring player sleep patterns in order to maximize performance.  (If the team doesn’t improve soon, they can monitor fan sleep patterns, too.  During home games.)

The Texans have added MMA to their offseason workout program.

The Colts are looking for diamonds in the rough at the Super Regional Combine, which unfortunately doesn’t refer to a Regional Combine that can fly.

The Jaguars’ in-house question-answerer is perplexed by the team’s decision to sign C Alex Mack to an offer sheet.

The Titans are counting on a couple of former Denver players to turn things around on defense.

A Dubai prince could be involved in the effort to build a new Raiders stadium.

Kevin Acee of U-T San Diego takes a look at the question of whether public money should be used for a new Chargers stadium.

Broncos CB Chris Harris hopes to become more of a leader.

Chiefs LB Derrick Johnson visited Waco (Texas) High School on Friday.

Thirty mock drafts, 11 different projected first-round picks for the Cowboys.

The son of former Giants OL Brad Benson has rejected a plea deal in an assault by auto case.

The Eagles reportedly want a big, fast receiver.  (Perhaps it’s a smokescreen aimed at concealing their interest in small, slow receivers.)

Former Redskins CB Darrell Green is the grand marshal of the National Cherry Blossom Festival parade.

There’s now a street named after Bears CB Charles Tillman.

The Lions hosted former Indiana WR Cody Latimer on Friday.

The Vikings have offered a contract to S Kurt Coleman.

Are the Packers rebuilding, or merely changing?

The Falcons’ website has put together the best touchdown celebrations from Julio Jones and Roddy White.

The Panthers are sniffing around USC C Marcus Martin.

Boise State DE Demarcus Lawrence visited the Saints on Friday.

The Buccaneers have worked out RB James Wilder Jr., the son of former Tampa Bay RB James Wilder.

The Cardinals may fill the void at right tackle from within.

The City of Lakewood, Washington will honor Seahawks WR Jermaine Kearse on Saturday.

The stadium in which the Rams play was evacuated Friday night after someone smelled gas.  (During football season, the odor all too often comes from the home team.)

49ers WR Anquan Boldin returned to Pahokee, Florida for his 10th annual Q-Fest, which raises money for underprivileged children.

11 responses to “Saturday one-liners

  1. It’s obvious that you have NEVER been around Cleveland Browns fans on game day…or any other time. But go ahead…keep up with the half-baked jokes and attempts at snide humor. We’re used to it.

    Browns fans will have the last laugh. And it will be a good one…long and loud.

  2. “The Jaguars’ in-house question-answerer is perplexed by the team’s decision to sign C Alex Mack to an offer sheet.”

    No, he’s perplexed by the fact that people don’t understand it. I’ll admit it was poorly written. But here’s what he actually said:

    “You’re apparently not alone in missing the purpose. That perplexes me a bit, but I’m easily perplexed, I guess. The Jaguars pursued Alex Mack and negotiated a contract that they deemed reasonable and that they thought the Browns would have trouble matching. … The Jaguars offered what they thought was a workable offer. The Browns matched it. I guess I don’t grasp what the Jaguars did wrong.”

  3. Apparently Maurkice Pouncey missed seeing how easily he was replaced last season … by an unemployed journeyman center. Pouncey should be traded, and Velasco should be re-signed.

  4. When Mack was drafted, the Browns were blasted for taking a center in the first round. When Pouncey was drafted, the Steelers were praised for taking a center in the first round. Mack has never missed a snap, even on the Sunday after having his appendix removed on his way to playing 80 games straight. Pouncey has played in 46 games in four seasons. If Pouncey wants Mack money, he’d better try the Jags, because the Steelers are too smart to overpay him.

  5. The stadium in which the Rams play was evacuated Friday night after someone smelled gas. (During football season, the odor all too often comes from the home team.)

    The Rams were 5-3 at home in the league’s best division, and 4-4 the previous one. Say what you will about the past decade, but you need to update your jokes

  6. With the placement of Donald Trump’s photo at the top of this piece, were you trying to chase readers away?

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