1. San Diego Chargers (No. 3 last week; 5-1): The Chargers are 1-0 whenever Eric Weddle unsuccessfully audibles to a fake on a fourth-and-35 punt. Hopefully, there won’t be an effort to push that mark to 2-0.
2. Dallas Cowboys (No. 9; 5-1): Jimmy Johnson eventually will try to find a way to claim I/me credit for this, too.
3. Denver Broncos (No. 2; 4-1): A sluggish, uninspiring 14-point win is still a 14-point win.
4. Arizona Cardinals (No. 4; 4-1): A sluggish, uninspiring 10-point win is still a 10-point win.
5. Philadelphia Eagles (No. 5; 5-1): So much for the sluggish, uninspiring wins.
6. Seattle Seahawks (No. 1; 3-2): So much for the February coronation.
7. Green Bay Packers (No. 7; 4-2): So much for the South Florida heat.
8. Indianapolis Colts (No. 8; 4-2): So much for the Colts being done at 0-2.
9. Cincinnati Bengals (No. 6; 3-1-1): So much for field goals of shorter than 40 yards being automatic.
10. Baltimore Ravens (No. 10; 4-2): So much for the North Florida heat.
11. San Francisco 49ers (No. 11; 4-2): So much for the Rams being any good.
12. New England Patriots (No. 12; 4-2): So much for Tom Brady’s ankle being injured.
13. Carolina Panthers (No. 13; 3-2-1): So much for Riverboat Ron choosing to roll the dice on a win in overtime.
14. Detroit Lions (No. 16; 4-2): So much for a crappy kicker keeping the team from winning.
15. Cleveland Browns (No. 21; 3-2): So much for the Browns not being competitive.
16. Buffalo Bills (No. 14; 3-3): So much for the Bills being competitive.
17. New Orleans Saints (No. 17; 2-3): So much for the Saints falling behind the pack in the NFC South, which went 0-2-1 during the New Orleans bye.
18. Chicago Bears (No. 23; 3-3): So much for other teams figuring out Marc Trestman’s offense.
19. Pittsburgh Steelers (No. 15; 3-3): So much for the Steelers being competitive.
20. Kansas City Chiefs (No. 20; 2-3): Take down the Chargers in San Diego, and suddenly the AFC West becomes a three-team race.
21. Houston Texans (No. 18; 3-3): On Monday night, J.J. Watt gets a chance to remind Pittsburgh of what a dominant defensive player looks like.
22. New York Giants (No. 19; 3-3): From 2004 through 2012, the Giants started each season at 5-2 or better. For the second straight year, they won’t.
23. Miami Dolphins (No. 24; 2-3): After a close loss to the Packers, the glass is half full or the glass is half empty or the glass is shattered.
24. Atlanta Falcons (No. 22; 2-4): That Georgia dome should be renamed Soldier Field South.
25. New York Jets (No. 25; 1-5): In an effort to get fired sooner than later, maybe Rex should drive around the parking lot, dragging the team’s Super Bowl trophies from the bumper of his car. Oh, wait.
26. Tennessee Titans (No. 30; 2-4): After Sunday’s win, a Titans player encourage his teammates to not get satisfied. Given that they barely beat the Jaguars, that’s not possible.
27. Minnesota Vikings (No. 26; 2-4): How much tape did it take to figure out Teddy Bridgewater? Not much.
28. St. Louis Rams (No. 27; 1-4): The reunited Greatest Show on Turf team may have had a better shot at winning last night than the current Rams.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (No. 28; 1-5): For most Bucs fans, 1-5 and Lovie Smith is still way better than last year.
30. Washington (No. 29; 1-5): When is it time to give up on a season? When the calls are coming for Colt McCoy to start. (We also would have accepted “when the head coach starts wearing T-shirts during games.”)
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (No. 31; 0-6): It’s unfair to expect the Jaguars to make good decisions with a game on the line in the final seconds; they don’t have much recent experience at that.
32. Oakland Raiders (No. 32; 0-5): Eventually, Oakland fans will be throwing eggs at the Raiders’ bus.