Breaking news: Andrew Luck is alleged to have whispered a swear word


Perhaps it’s a good thing it’s the middle of June and the NFL world is about to take what passes for its annual breather.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, journalism has been committed that will take us all weeks if not months to process and absorb the enormity of.

That’s right, Colts quarterback Andrew Luck may or may not have been having a beverage he’s legally entitled to consume, and may or may not have expressed a sentiment most of us have felt at some point in the last few years of watching a particular brand of zealously covered but inefficiently played football.

Via Joseph Pulitzer himself — actually it was Ian Mohr of the New York Post‘s Page Six — comes the tale of something Luck allegedly said at a bar to a Jets fan.

The gossip item says that Luck was hanging out in Montauk with Panthers tackle Jonathan Martin (his college buddy), “drinking Heinekens” and talking football when approached by a fan who said he wished Luck played for his team of choice.

According to the iron-clad report, Luck “leaned in and whispered, ‘F— that, man.’

For starters, this kind of he-said/he-said stuff from a bar when players are trying to relax is ridiculous on its face.

Secondly, Luck goes out of his own way to be boring in public. The idea that the Amish-neck-bearded guy who digs on soccer and stayed at Stanford for a year when he could have easily been the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft and carried a flip phone well into the insanely wealthy portion of his life would have said anything overtly colorful is dubious.

Thirdly, the fact he allegedly whispered it means that at most two people would have heard it. Unless he unluckily said such a thing to the gossip columnist himself, this one is what we called in journalism class “thinly sourced.”

Fourthly, it’s kind of pointless. Not that the Jets couldn’t use him (approximately 30 other teams would jettison their starting quarterbacks for Luck), but he’s extremely unlikely to ever be in a position to be pursued by them.

Fifthly, players openly admitting they’d like to join by a team they don’t play for is stupid, something Luck has thus far not shown himself to be.

Sixthly, for heaven’s sake, how many people have watched Woody Johnson’s franchise in recent years and thought “Oh yeah, I’ve got to get me some of that.”

So yes, “F— that, man,” indeed.

Truer words may never have been spoken.

If they were spoken — or whispered — at all.