1. Patriots (7-0; last week No. 1): The Jets, Colts, Ravens, Bills, and Dolphins have jointly requested a finding from the league office that the Patriots are a bunch of doodyheads.
2. Bengals (7-0; No. 2): Cincinnati is on to a first-round bye.
3. Broncos (7-0; No. 5): Peyton Manning has been so bad this year that when he’s simply good everyone thinks he’s great again.
4. Panthers (7-0; No. 4): A much tougher opponent than the one they barely beat is rolling into town on Sunday.
5. Packers (6-1; No. 3): Aaron Rodgers can’t do it all by himself.
6. Cardinals (6-2; No. 8): Ready or not, prime time is coming for the Cardinals in each of their next two games.
7. Vikings (5-2; No. 9): The next three games (Rams, Raiders, Packers) will show whether the Vikings are for real or fraudulent.
8. Rams (4-3; No. 11): The Cardinals should be more worried about St. Louis than Seattle.
9. Raiders (4-3; No. 14): They’re in the top 10; indignant Raiders fans will now insist they should be in the top five.
10. Seahawks (4-4; No. 15): They’ve got extra time to prepare for the biggest game of the year so far — a visit from the Cardinals.
11. Falcons (6-2; No. 7): Remember when the Falcons were good? Neither do I.
12. Jets (4-3; No. 6): The Jets are the latest proof of the phenomenon now known as post-Pats-partum depression.
13. Steelers (4-4; No. 10): With Le’Veon Bell done for the year, it’s time to spread ’em out and throw it . . . just as the weather gets ready to turn.
14. Saints (4-4; No. 17): It took a while, but the post-Graham offense is finally clicking like baseball cards in bicycle spokes.
15. Dolphins (3-4; No. 12): Dan Campbell wants them to remember the feeling from Thursday night. There’s a chance they’ll be reliving it regularly.
16. Eagles (3-4; No. 16): Best part of the bye week? No interceptions from Sam Bradford, guaranteed.
17. Giants (4-4; No. 13): Coincidentally, the over/under on wins is also 8.5.
18. Cowboys (2-5; No. 18): “No, that’s not Tony Romo. It’s Matt Cassel. Seriously. It’s Matt Cassel.”
19. Washington (3-4; No. 19): Kirk Cousins won’t like that in New England.
20. Bills (3-4; No. 20): An upcoming three-game tour of the AFC East will show whether these Bills can contend.
21. Buccaneers (3-4; No. 26): Not many teams could recover from blowing a 24-point lead with a win on the road against a division opponent.
22. Chiefs (3-5; No. 27): Just like last year, we all may have written them off too early.
23. Colts (3-5; No. 21): The Colts play their best football when they’re down by two or more scores.
24. Ravens (2-6; No. 30): They could still make the wild-card race interesting.
25. Texans (3-5; No. 29): If they were the Colts, they’d hang a “Got Ken Whisenhunt Fired” banner.
26. Jaguars (2-5; No. 25): In the race to be the best of four bad teams, the Jaguars could be the least worst.
27. Bears (2-5; No. 24): Bears plus Chargers on Monday Night Football equals what else is on TV?
28. Browns (2-6; No. 22): Is it really a fire sale if no one buys anything?
29. Chargers (2-6; No. 23): At this rate, they’ll be offering taxpayer money to pay for the moving vans.
30. Titans (1-6; No. 31): The Chip Kelly bat signal officially is on.
31. 49ers (2-6; No. 28): It wasn’t a trade for Vernon Davis; it was an escape.
32. Lions (1-7; No. 32): They should just cross the border and join the CFL.