Thursday morning one-liners

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Bills RB LeSean McCoy won’t be in the clear, even if he’s not convicted.

A look at the Dolphins’ unrestricted free agent class.

The Patriots are going to have to make some LB decisions in the near future.

The Jets’ need for pass-rush help can’t be overlooked.

The Ravens can’t be sure whether G Kelechi Osemele will take the money and run.

Former Bengals wideout had a unique treatment for sprained ankles (thank God he never broke his nose).

Browns coach Hue Jackson has challenges beyond personnel.

Steelers K Shaun Suisham intends to play for the Steelers in 2016 once he’s cleared to kick again.

In case you ever wondered what a chainsaw sculpture of Texans DE J.J. Watt looked like, here you go.

The Colts have some decisions to make before free agency starts.

They’re doing mock drafts for the Jaguars in February (God help us it’s that time of year again).

New Titans OL coach Russ Grimm is offering a clean slate.

The Broncos’ victory parade was big enough to see from outer space.

Chiefs TE Travis Kelce’s dating show is going to be a real train-wreck, isn’t it?

Raiders CB (or is it S) T.J. Carrie will play anywhere they tell him.

Chargers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt likes RB Melvin Gordon’s receiving ability.

Some think Cowboys owner Jerry Jones deserves Hall of Fame consideration.

How the Giants might look to fill some of the holes created yesterday.

Taking a look at some potential Eagles cap cuts.

Former Washington WR Josh Morgan Plaxico’d himself.

Bears WR Alshon Jeffery began offseason workouts with FOX’s Jay Glazer (but do they have a fricking laser beam?).

The Lions aren’t in a hurry to make decisions on veterans.

The Packers are looking for more liquor licenses for development around Lambeau Field.

RB is still fairly low on the Vikings’ offseason priority list.

Just-cut Falcons S William Moore says there’s already interest (such that he wouldn’t).

Panthers QB Cam Newton now has something in common with Rob Gronkowski — erotic fan fiction.

Even with keeping Dannell Ellerbe, the Saints have questions at LB.

The Buccaneers are trying to up their technology game.

Cardinals QB Carson Palmer is celebrating a new delivery.

Rams owner Stan Kroenke had some money left over, so he bought a $725 million Texas ranch.

A look at how the 49ers can fix their pass-rush.

The Seahawks have some options in place for a future without RB Marshawn Lynch.