1. Cowboys (8-1; No. 2): It’s only a matter of time before Rob Lowe reports that Tony Romo plans to retire.
2. Raiders (7-2; No. 3): What would have been an excellent bye-week Sunday collapsed quickly, when the Broncos and Chiefs stole late victories.
3. Seahawks (6-2-1; No. 7): They weathered the injury storm while winning. Now, they’ll make their run at the No. 1 seed.
4. Patriots (7-2; last week No. 1): With a pair of home losses this season, maybe they shouldn’t want the top seed in the AFC.
5. Chiefs (7-2; No. 5): The most underrated team in football is 17-2 in its last 19 regular-season games.
6. Broncos (7-3; No. 6): The newest offensive captain may be Captain Clipboard if he doesn’t turn it around.
7. Falcons (6-4; No. 4): Championship-caliber teams find ways to win on the road against non-championship-caliber teams.
8. Lions (5-4; No. 9): The Lions would like to take more Sundays off, if it means watching the other three teams in their division lose.
9. Giants (6-3; No. 12): If they get to the playoffs, they can get to the Super Bowl. Especially with strong line play on both sides of the ball.
10. Texans (6-3; No. 10): The win-the-ones-they-should, lose-the-ones-they-should formula continues.
11. Washington (5-3-1; No. 11): Kirk Cousins has a new catch phrase. Like most sequels, it stinks.
12. Dolphins (5-4; No. 15): The Dolphins are winning just enough games to spark unrealistic expectations for 2017.
13. Packers (4-5; No. 8): I’d be a highly successful coach, too, if I fell into a team that had Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers on the roster.
14. Eagles (5-4; No. 16): The worst team in the best division in football is still the worst team in the division.
15. Ravens (5-4; No. 20): The best team in the worst division in football is still the best team in the division.
16. Vikings (5-4; No. 13): Cutting a kicker who can’t make kicks means the Vikings will soon be losing games by fewer points.
17. Bills (4-5; No. 17): The Bills need to start a new winning streak soon, or Rex Ryan will again be in danger of losing his job.
18. Titans (5-5; No. 25): If they keep improving, the Titans could not only win the division but also a couple of playoff games.
19. Steelers (4-5; No. 14): It’s easy to have only three coaches since 1969 when fan expectations are met far more often than not. It’s harder to keep it going when the team begins to consistently underachieve.
20. Bengals (3-5-1; No. 18): Before putting Marvin Lewis on the hot seat, keep in mind that he’s done very well over the years — and that owner Mike Brown doesn’t like to pay people to not work for him.
21. Saints (4-5; No. 19): They’ll keep scratching and clawing in a division that remains relatively wide open, but Thursday night’s visit to Carolina feels like an elimination game.
22. Cardinals (4-4-1; No. 21): Barely beating the 49ers in the first game after the bye doesn’t bode well for these birds.
23. Buccaneers (4-5; No. 23): This team is simply a little consistency, maturity, and continuity away from becoming a contender.
24. Colts (4-5; No. 24): That “defining” game seems a little looser and flabbier now that the Packers gave up 47 in Tennessee.
25. Chargers (4-6; No. 22): The way the season has gone, it would have been more appropriate for the stadium vote to prevail until the last precinct’s ballots were counted.
26. Rams (4-5; No. 27): The L.A. Rams are doing their best to mimic the L.A. Kings, on the scoreboard.
27. Panthers (3-6; No. 26): I’m still not ready to put a fork in them. Frankly, it could be time to insert all available cutlery.
28. Jets (3-7; No. 28): Get ready for Woody Johnson to start issuing votes of confidence.
29. Bears (2-7; No. 29): If Alshon Jeffery was indeed using PEDs, his stats suggest they weren’t working.
30. Jaguars (2-7; No. 30): Blake Bortles has gotten so adept at throwing interceptions, he would win a game of interception H-O-R-S-E.
31. 49ers (1-8; No. 31): It’s a good thing the 49ers aren’t facing an elite team with a chip on its shoulder this weekend. Oh wait.
32. Browns (0-10; No. 32): The Browns say Hue Jackson will return next year. Which means that, if the Browns lose their next six games, he’ll be the first coach in NFL history to go 0-17.