1. Patriots (13-2; last week No. 1): Just like last year, the Patriots need to beat the Dolphins to nail down the No. 1 seed. Unlike last year, the Patriots hope to actually win this one.
2. Cowboys (13-2; No. 2): Yes, Dez Bryant has thrown more touchdown passes this year than Tony Romo.
3. Chiefs (11-4; No. 5): Yes, Dontari Poe has thrown more touchdown passes this year than Tony Romo.
4. Steelers (10-5; No. 9): If the Steelers win the Super Bowl, maybe Terry Bradshaw should get a ring.
5. Giants (10-5; No. 3): On Thursday night, Eli Manning was dressed like Phil Simms. And, unfortunately, played like eem.
6. Raiders (12-3; No. 4): “I like quarterbacks who don’t break their legs,” a certain politician possibly would say if commenting on whether Derek Carr is the MVP.
7. Falcons (10-5; No. 8): In the Chiefs, the AFC has a playoff team no one pays much attention to. In the NFC, that team is the Falcons.
8. Dolphins (10-5; No. 10): In the same year that Dak Prescott Drew Bledsoe’d Tony Romo, maybe Matt Moore will Romo Ryan Tannehill.
9. Packers (9-6; No. 14): They’ll be the most dangerous team in the NFC playoff field, if they can avoid losing at Lambeau Field to the Giants in the postseason for the third time in 10 years.
10. Seahawks (9-5-1; No. 6): When the losses over the last five games outnumber the wins, it’s hard to call any defeat an aberration.
11. Lions (9-6; No. 7): With only one win against a team with a non-losing record and a blowout loss against a Dallas team with nothing to play for, it’s possible that the Lions are should be renamed the Lyin’s.
12. Texans (9-6; No. 16): Another year, another ugly loss coming at home in the wild-card round.
13. Washington (8-6-1; No. 17): For the team, the playoffs are riding on Sunday’s game against the Giants. For the quarterback, millions are riding on it.
14. Titans (8-7; No. 11): Before trashing the AFC South, consider this — the Titans are 1-4 in the division this year and 7-3 outside of it.
15. Buccaneers (8-7; No. 12): The Bucs are still alive, but they have a better chance of catching lightning in a milk bottle in one hand and holding the winning Powerball ticket in the other.
16. Broncos (8-7; No. 13): Maybe Peyton Manning will finally get the credit he deserves for last year’s Super Bowl run.
17. Ravens (8-7; No. 15): Making their playoff exit even more painful is the fact that the Ravens could have made it to the Super Bowl.
18. Saints (7-8; No. 22): The role of spoiler is suiting them well; they can next knock the Falcons out of the No. 2 seed.
19. Colts (7-8; No. 18): Chuck Pagano deserves full responsibility for another lost season only if he also has been secretly working as the team’s G.M.
20. Vikings (7-8; No. 19): The mutiny-unless-it-wasn’t that lasted a full half unless it didn’t becomes one of the weirdest moments in one of the weirdest seasons the Vikings have ever had.
21. Eagles (6-9; No. 25): Carson Wentz has a degree of elusiveness and escapability that we’ve rarely seen at the quarterback position. If his passing skills ever match that, he’ll be headed for the Hall of Fame.
22. Cardinals (6-8-1; No. 24): How bad would this team be if it didn’t have David Johnson?
23. Bills (7-8; No. 20): The over-under on ugly sniping and unsavory leaks in the firing of Rex and Rob Ryan is Thursday at 1:30 p.m. ET.
24. Panthers (6-9; No. 21): Write it down now — the Panthers will be back in contention for a Super Bowl next season.
25. Bengals (5-9-1; No. 23): Write it down now — the Bengals will be back in contention to lose in the wild-card round next season.
26. Jaguars (3-12; No. 30): Blake Bortles is on notice, which coincidentally caused him to have one of the best games of his career.
27. Chargers (5-10; No. 26): Losing to the Browns is the final nail in a coffin that was already nailed shut.
28. Jets (4-11; No. 27): At least they don’t have to worry about losing to Rex Ryan in Week 17 again.
29. Bears (3-12; No. 29): Counting the days until Jim Harbaugh is the coach.
30. 49ers (2-13; No. 31): Counting the days since Jim Harbaugh was the coach.
31. Browns (1-14; No. 32): Counting the days since Jim Harbaugh nearly was the coach.
32. Rams (4-11; No. 28): Counting the amount of money it would take to make Jim Harbaugh the coach.