1. Chiefs (4-0; No. 1): How does this team ever lose any game at Arrowhead Stadium?
2. Bills (3-1; No. 11): You want respect, LeSean? Here’s your respect.
3. Falcons (3-1; No. 3): At least the Chick-fil-A workers didn’t have to witness this one.
4. Packers (3-1; No. 4): They should trade for Adrian Peterson before the Vikings do.
5. Steelers (3-1; No. 8): Antonio Brown 1, Gatorade cooler, 0. Barely.
6. Panthers (3-1; No. 17): You want respect, Cam? Here’s your respect.
7. Broncos (3-1; No. 12): Put Joe Woods at the top of the list of 2018 coaching candidates.
8. Lions (3-1; No. 9): Put Jim Bob Cooter at the top of the list of 2018 coaching candidates (if he decides on a first name).
9. Eagles (3-1; No. 13): It’s a good thing the Browns didn’t think Carson Wentz would be good.
10. Texans (2-2; No. 22): It’s a good thing the Browns didn’t think Deshaun Watson would be good.
11. Washington (2-2; No. 6): It’s a good thing the Browns didn’t try to trade for Kirk Cousins.
12. Patriots (2-2; No. 2): Maybe it would be a good thing to trade Jimmy Garoppolo to the Browns.
13. Rams (3-1; No. 18): In the Fight for L.A., it’s a first-round TKO.
14. Cowboys (2-2; No. 5): The Cowboys know how to build a lead; they now have to figure out how to hold a lead.
15. Raiders (2-2; No. 7): So much for being a Team of Destiny — unless the destiny is to not make the playoffs.
16. Titans (2-2; No. 10): Typically, a Dick LeBeau defense doesn’t give up that many points in a month.
17. Seahawks (2-2; No. 16): Save some of those points for future games, guys.
18. Vikings (2-2; No. 14): The Vikings don’t need a running back; they need an exorcist.
19. Buccaneers (2-1; No. 21): On Thursday night, Jameis Winston gets another chance to become as a franchise quarterback.
20. Jaguars (2-2; No. 15): This team is doing its helmet justice.
21. Saints (2-2; No. 23): Of all the teams that started 0-2, this could be the one that could make it to the playoffs.
22. Cardinals (2-2; No. 25): It always feels like Carson Palmer is one hit away from literally disintegrating.
23. Dolphins (1-2; No. 19): Cutler was just trying to figure out if “Wildcat” is a new brand of cigarette.
24. Jets (2-2; No. 26): The supposed worst team in the league isn’t even the worst team in New York.
25. Ravens (2-2; No. 20): It’s almost time to hit the reset button.
26. Bengals (1-3; No. 31): When told the Bengals beat the second best team in Ohio, some said in response, “They played the Buckeyes?”
27. Bears (1-3; No. 24): Once upon a time, a rookie quarterback whose last name started with “T” led the Vikings to a win over the Bears. It’s now payback time. Fixty-six years later.
28. Chargers (0-4; No. 27): They’re quickly becoming the Washington Generals of the NFL.
29. Colts (1-3; No. 28): Why do I have a weird feeling that this team could still win the division?
30. Giants (0-4; No. 29): Fee fi fo fuuuuuuuuuuudge.
31. 49ers (0-4; No. 32): Horseshoes, Hand grenades, Hoyer.
32. Browns (0-4; No. 30): They say there’s no rift between the coaching staff and the front office. How bad would this team be if there were one?